Fancy Dress Party
A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in about two minutes. He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over his penis.
"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire break the glass, pull twice and I come."
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Correct Answer either way
A four year old came home from Sunday School one day, His Dad asked him what he'd learned that day.
The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men
in our family had their penises criticized?"
The Mom cracked up and told the son, "Yes, my dear Actually the word is circumcised... but either way, the answer is Yes!
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90 Cents
A Jewish girl came home one day and said, "Mom, I got married."
Her mother said, "Oh, that's great."
The girl said, "But, Mom, he's an Arab."
Her mother said, "Oy, that's not so great."
The girl said, "But he's an Arab sheik. He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your lives."
This Sheik had put up the girls folks in a huge posh villa and they left for Arab.
Six months later, the Jewish girl walked into the house and said, "Mom, I love my Arab sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is screw me in my ass. Day and night, all he'll do is bang me in the ass. When I got married, my asshole was like a dime. Now it's like a silver dollar."
Her mother said, "So for 90 cents you're going to make trouble?"