Jack and his friends were playing golf one Saturday. As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.'
About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They all laugh. The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.' So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached.
Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?' The hit man replies, 'Sure.' So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!'
This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.' Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.'
The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for? The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!'
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Viagra Blues
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* The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.
* New Viagra eye drops make you look hard.
* How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.
* Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man took twelve pills and his wife died.
* Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland - a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Fact about Viagra: Viagra? was developed for the treatment of pain associated with angina. In test groups from 1980-1990, it did nothing at all for that condition but test subjects didn't want to discontinue its use because of its now-famous side effect.