Magic Paradise
Deep into the forest, a wooden house can be seen. Inside it were a little girl and an old woman, both laying in bed.
The little girl turned around and looked at the old woman.
"Why aren't you sleeping Lyn, it is very late."
the old woman smiled as she caressed the little girls head.
"Grandmother, can you tell me a story, I can't sleep."
"Alright, let me tell you about the tower."
"The tower we see is not the only one out there. There are 20 other ones just like it in the world, the creation of these objects goes back to the time of gods. Back then the gods could come down and live together with other species, many gods did and live on the surface at it's best, but nothing lasts forever." the old woman let out a sigh
"For reasons not known, the gods fought each other, a gruesome war erupted. Gods fell one after another, the species under them died out, the war kept raging for thousands of years.
Then, on one faithful day, the gates of the underworld shattered. The remaining gods stopped their fighting and for an truce, together with the demon lords from the underworld they tried to fix the gates."
"Did they fix it?" The little girl asked
"They could not, the mana leaked from the underworld had already merged with the one on the surface, so they gods found a different solution. They powered the power of Heaven and the Underworld together to seal the gates. And they did that by creating 21 structures that would absorb the mana from the underworld, heaven and the surface to become stronger and stronger and eventually the gods were no longer needed to seal it."
"but they paid a heavy price for it, the mana on the surface rejected their existence and they were forced back to Heaven and the demon lords also could no longer come to the surface either."
"Grandmother, does the tower still get stronger?"
"Every passing second my dear, every passing second."
The old woman said as she looked through the window, a magnificent structure could be seen piercing the clouds.
(A/N this is my first every novel and I writing this mainly because I enjoy it, I will not drop it as long as there is interest in it and as long as I enjoy it, I will try to have the world be unique; well, at least not cliche. Please do give me feed back at where I can improve and what I can do better. Ciao)
Writing Quality — So, let’s start with the quality of your words, first I love you added some of your unique ways of style, but do take breaks in dialogue with adding more action in your words (also 2x isn’t writing, use words, not math). Don’t be too wordy, be more direct to your audience, also the character need to be more Human, be more immersed in their perspective, not yours, be the little girl who shouted ‘grandpa’ (I found some (lots) of grammatical errors, missing exclamation marks that lose the flow of drama.). Updates Stability — Excellent. Story Development — I’m only in the prologue, so it’s only three. Character Designs — Are the children’s robots? But really, be more immersed in their perspective than your omnipotent 3rd person. World Background — Same thing with S. D, a three. Total — Don’t be discouraged, everyone improves in weird ways, be optimistic, it kept people going than being pessimistic. But remember, when making a novel, be more attentive to your first chapter since it’s the most important, for a good impression for the audience. You are new to the Authors world, thus there are lots to improve on, the patient is part of writing if you want to improve more, write and also doing physical exercise, yoga, meditation and more to improve a focus. Keep hopes high as the future is infinite.
Don't mind me, just a shameless writer here. Keep scrolling. Keep it up, don't look for anything productive. Just tryna get this out there for possible interested readers.