The spooked horse

Present Day

I was still in my study, reminiscing the past when someone started pounding on my door. I could hear one of the maids speaking through the door.

"Madam! Madam! Please, open the door! Young master... he..."

I immediately got up and opened the door to an out-of-breath maid. She was huffing and puffing as if she had been running just before.

I asked her, "What's wrong?"

"Madam! Young master! He was at the grounds for his horse-riding lessons and the horse... it went mad... they can't find him..."

I was running towards the grounds before she finished speaking. I didn't know what I was going to do once I got there because I knew jack-shit about horses and horse-riding. The only reason Ari was learning was because he saw Luke on a horse once and wanted to ride like him. It was a whim of a three year old and I regretted giving into it.

The mansion had a boundary wall around it and the horse-riding grounds were inside the wall that meant wherever the horse ran it would still be on our property.

I ran all the way through the mansion corridors, the back garden and servant quarters to get to the cleared area for horse-riding. Everybody on the ground was staring in one direction so I did the same. Of all the scenarios I had imagined, none of them had Tatiana-bloody-Mathews in it. Then why the hell was she on a horse with my son?

Ari's face was pale and he was breathing hard. Tatiana was rubbing his back to calm him down. The horse seemed to be under her control. I couldn't wait another second to check on him so I started walking towards the horse they were on. Instantly a hand came up in front of me and I saw the stable master blocking my way.

I glared at him and was about to break his arm when he spoke up hurriedly, "The horse, ma'am... Wait a minute, ma'am! The horse looks calm but he will still get spooked if you make any sudden movements near it. That miss over there has just barely quietened it. I suggest we get the young master down and brought to you here."

I just replied in a small menacing voice, "Hurry up!"

He nodded and started walking towards the horse from the front and spoke to Tatiana, "Miss! Lets get the Young Master down first. Madam is here."

At his voice, Tatiana and Ari, both turned around and looked at the people around them. Ari stopped as his eyes found me and his face scrunched up as if he would cry but my brave child didn't. I looked at Tatiana then and found her face expressionless. I didn't know what to think.

The stable master neared the horse and Ari extended his hands. Tatiana picked up Ari and handed him carefully to the stable master. I heaved a sigh of relief as the man started walking towards me with my son and I walked forward to meet them halfway to take Ari from him. I buried Ari's head in my neck and breathed deep.

'He is okay. He is fine. He is okay. He is fine.' I kept repeating the same thing in my head again and again to reassure myself.

"Mama... you're squeezing too tight!"

I heard Ari's muffled voice and relented my grip around him. I looked at him all over to make sure he wasn't injured which I should have done before squeezing the air out of him. But my fear had got the best of me.

"You're okay, Ari? Does it hurt anywhere?"

I looked at his face as he tried to smile but failed. He still replied, "I am fine. Don't worry, mama."

I wasn't exactly loved as a child so naturally I tried to be outstanding at everything my father asked me to learn, except cooking. I could see the same drive to be perfect in my son. I didn't understand why this was the case when neither Miraj nor I had ever put any pressure on him to learn anything or be good at something. He was too young for any expectations from him.

But I felt like being brought up as a center of attention in our house was affecting him weirdly. Recently he had been trying to do much more than a boy his age should do. I had to stop this from taking root in his mind.

I turned around so that everyone would face my back and whispered in his ears, "It's okay, baby. You can tell me if you're scared. It's alright to be afraid, Ari."

He choked as he tried to stop a sob in his mouth. His eyes were watery but he wouldn't let the tears fall.

"I don't want to cry, mama. Strong boys don't cry. I want to be strong so I can pro-protet you at the park."

Fuck! Alonzo Moretti was so dead. He is going to regret being born when I am done.

"Ari! Everyone cries. There is no such thing as strong boys don't cry. We cry when we feel sad or scared, or when we are in pain. It's okay to cry. And... and you don't have to protect mama now. You can grow up fast and then protect me. Alright?"

I wasn't trying to raise a sensitive child but I didn't want an asshole for a son, who was caught up in toxic masculinity. I already had too many macho men around me. Ari would be a better man than them all.