I don't run

It was a sad morning with cloudy weather, cold breeze and light snow.

I woke up happy though. My body was sore because of last night.

I turned around in bed, expecting my husband there, but it was empty. I frowned. 

I got dressed and went looking for Ari. Found him on the breakfast table. Alone.

"Where's dada, baby?"

"Dada said he has to go to work so he left without eating breakfast. I told him mama says not to skip breakfast or you'll get stomachache. So dada took an apple with him. Did I do good, mama?"

"You did great, baby! Mama's perfect boy!"

Ari gave me the most beautiful smile in reply. And I was going to burn the world to protect that smile. This whole Miraj and Tatiana bullshit needs to be cleared so it doesn't distract me from the main goal.

We were two weeks away from the start of a war.

*** 

That day, when I got home from work, Miraj still wasn't there. I waited for him in the study until he arrived. Our London home only had a common study and we didn't care to renovate it as we would both hardly ever be here at the same time. So I knew Miraj would eventually come here if he comes home tonight.

I was yawning while studying the file in my hand when the door opened. he was surprised to see me in the study but he didn't say anything. He was about to turn and leave when I called him.

"Miraj"

He stopped.

"Come in", I said.

"I am tired, Eli. I am gonna turn in for the night."

Liar. He was avoiding me. 

"Wait... I am sorry. I should have told you about Ari and me coming to London. I initially agreed to your plan of coming here because I already had this trip planned."

That made him pause. He closed the door of the study and walked closer to where I was.

"You were planning to run since before she even came to our house."

A statement. Not a question.

"I don't run, Miraj."

I sighed.

"At least usually I don't. But I can't kill her until we kill your father first. That leaves me with minimal choices."

He smirked.

"I can't believe you ran. Your only saving grace is you ran TOWARDS me."

Bastard.

"I would never take Ari away from you." I truly wouldn't. That would make my baby sad. And I don't want that.

I continued, "You're a good father, Miraj. Considering both of us know what bad fathers do to their kids, I am thankful everyday that Ari would never know what that is like."

"You really think so?", he asked.

"Yes"

"I.."

He paused. I waited till he could continue because I could see the struggle on his face. He hardly ever struggled with being vulnerable because he was very clear in his head about what he is ready to share and what he isn't. If he doesn't want you to know something, you won't even know that thought exists in his mind.

"I am scared. All the time." He took a deep breath. "I am scared I will fuck it up with Ari and he might end up hating me.. just as much as I hate my father."

"Ari would never hate you."

It broke my heart to see him like this. My confident husband.. this tall majestic man that scares the shit out of everyone who knows him. He was standing in front of me, doubting himself, because he doesn't want his 3 year old to hate him in the future.

This was the vulnerability of a son who has never known a father's love. The fear of the little boy who was betrayed by the one who was supposed to love him. This was born from the hatred he held for what his father had forced him to become. 

I wanted to bury him in my arms and recount the thousands of times in the past three years he has proven himself to be an excellent father. 

"Miraj, you are about to set flames to this world for your son. You love him more than anything in this world. And he loves you just as much."

That made him smile. I loved that smile.

"He does love me a lot. Probably more than he loves you."

"Don't push it, Miraj. I might just throw the nearest pointy thing at you."

"Always so stabby, my wife", he said as he took me in his arms.

We were going to be okay.

The hug felt a lot like love in that moment. I couldn't stand feeling so happy. I couldn't let myself believe it to be true.

So I ruined it by saying, "What do we do about Tatiana and her American problems now?"