The dice cannot read their own spots (I)

For the tenth time in the last hour, Matt looked at his watch, 0313 hrs. The crew would begin to arrive soon. At that he smiled, his crew; albeit small but still he had a crew. He thought about the last four months since he had found the ship, how his life had radically changed. He had gone from being alone, so alone to being hospitalized to finding something so impossible it defied belief. From there everything else seemed like a dream, his time with Anna, how his friendship with Ian had changed slowly from one of friendship to one of subordinate.

Meeting Nick and the incident with the thugs that still pained him. He occasionally woke up sweating, scared stiff for no reason. The fact that Anna was there beside him helped, but still he felt so ashamed sometimes.

Matt walked the decks, his thoughts dictating the pace of his movements as he remembered the first time he had met Sam with a smile on his face. He looked down to the arm which no longer bore the marks of the skrill. Another situation where he had foolishly risked his life for little gain. He was going to have to talk to someone about what seemed, now that he came to think about it an impending death wish. He glanced to the other side, where his hand had fallen to grip Shaitan unconsciously. He wondered what Shaitan thought about him, whether it was disgusted with his weakness and his ability to put himself in front of every train coming his way.

At that a wave of disgust rolled of Shaitan. "STOP THAT." Shaitan forcefully inserted into Matt's awareness. "I have waited a time almost beyond comprehension to be bonded with you. I won't have you pitying yourself or doubting me, do you understand that."

Matt smiled and reassured his sword, another thing he still hadn't gotten used to yet. The fact that he had a sentient sword, or the fact that amongst everyone he was progressing the fastest during their joint training sessions. Matt groaned, training sessions; that seemed to be all he did lately. If it wasn't training with Shaitan, it was combat and command training, if it wasn't C&C it was Systems Operations. Imperial Troops may have had the lateral thinking abilities of Borg Drones, but by god did they train rigorously. He still hadn't found out why the Imperials seemed to lack this basic ability but Sam and Ian had assured him they were close to an answer.

While Anna and he had been learning how to run small unit tactics right up to fleet engagements Nick and Ian had been furiously trying to repair and refit all the damaged systems as a result of sabotage and ten thousand years of being buried inside a mountain range, they had also managed to rig up a safe launch system. Matt was definitely not keen on trying to launch the ship near two army bases, one of which was a listening post. Let alone the Air-Force base that was also close by.

He wondered about what it would feel like once they overcame the obstacles of launching the ship while attracting minimal attention. He was fairly sure that with Ian's other ideas, especially for refitting the main core they'd have to establish an orbit somewhere, probably around a moon. But which moon he thought as he smiled to himself, he would prefer either one of Saturn or Jupiter's moons to orbit and finish refitting the ship to return it to a combat ready status. Once that was done he didn't know what, Ian had been given the task of looking into either how to fix the cryo systems or some sort of FTL propulsion. He didn't want to spend the next 10 years aboard ship just to get to Proxima Centauri. Let alone the other couple of systems in this region that the initial Imperial Survey had indicated contained the possibility of life.

As he came back past the CIC he checked his watch again. 0355 hrs. He started and nearly swore. He couldn't believe he had been lost in his reverie that long. His crew would be here any minute, if they hadn't boarded already.

Anna had gotten as far as the airlock before she stopped hesitantly as she thought about what was the biggest decision in her life. Hell, choosing a guy at random off the street to spend the rest of her life with, no do-overs. Even that didn't seem as big as what she was about to do here and now. She thought back to what amounted to her last day on Earth. She allowed herself a few moments of silly hormonal weakness as tears flowed with the memories.

She had gone to see her course coordinator at Uni. The deferment forms in hand, she needed his signature and she was dreading the conversation to come. Officially, he was her God Father, but after her mother had died and her father had sunk himself into a bottle he had been more then that.

The conversation had not gone well, it had ended in tears from Emily and shouted rage from David. He had demanded details, things she had not been able to give him, the where and why and when of her decision to all of a sudden rush off to backpack around Europe. The cover story both Matt and Anna had decided on. He had also wanted to know why she was literally tossing her planned life aside when she had been unable to provide enough details to his satisfaction. After about an hour of this he had told her to get out of his office, but not without hope that she would come to her senses before it was too late.

On the way out she happened to spot Scott flirting awfully close with Jenna. She had an ugly thought that maybe Scott had been cheating on her for months now. But immediately put it out of her mind. She was about to leave this world, see the stars close enough to touch. She smiled as she remembered the fact of what she had with Matt and strode back to her car. Certain that she would miss nothing once the ship left this world.

Then why was she hesitating on the threshold of her new life.

Because what if you screw this up. What if you and Matt don't work out, what if what if what if what if....

She shook her head to banish these that little voice in her head, she wasn't going to let her insecurities ruin this. I love him and he has loved me for a long time. If we don't work, then we don't work. I'll still have my position as XO of the ship even if we are no longer joined at the hip. She squared her shoulders and entered the ship and joined Matt on the bridge.