Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana

A dark vampire story written in a professional style. Comparable to published worked of the paperback age. Excellent paragraph sizing. Plot pacing is good, but I am sure there is more left of this story to tell.

As a fan of the world of Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines and as someone who's gone through multiple runs with most of the clans, it's nice to see someone write their take on it. Would have never thought to make a fan-fic of it. I see you've chosen to make your character a part of the Tremere clan, and have no doubt in my mind that she'll become a fearsome blood mage over the course of the story. A word of caution would be not to make her too powerful (because we all know how broken Tremere abilities can get) and have her rely on the world around her instead, or else you'll have a killing machine on your hands. But that's up to you. You've got the pacing down so no chapter feels boring or unneeded, and you've done a good job of pacing yourself in handing out the lore of the world, making sure not to turn it into a tome (haha) instead of a story about Leona. No major issues with your writing style either, which is a relief on the eyes, too. All around superb work compared to most novels out there, so keep your chin up and keep at it, from one author to another!

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La verdad que me impresiona el desarrollo y la prufundidad de los personajes que en el juego le falto bastante, se centraron mas en el lore que en la historia y los motivos de las acciones de cada uno. Hasta ahora la historia me esta gustando mucho, espero que el/la autor/a pueda seguir ampliando y sorprendiendonos con esta novela que tiene mucho potencial. Super recomendada!

This is quiet interesting.I'ts like unveiling the underworld of vampires.The author did it in a very detailed way to describe everything as 'bloody' as it could be. There were some few typos like 'a' when it's needed to be 'an' instead, but it's minimal. Keep it up!

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I played VtM... well, a few decades ago if I am honest. So I am familair with the setting without being an up-to-date fan. This story starts perhaps overly conventionally. The vampire and shrink thing is very well done yet. It quickly becomes a story of Leona being thrust into the vampire world and having to survive and figure out what it going on. Plenty of action, but there is something about Leona that doesn't grab me. She seems to adapt very quickly as if she didn't find out about the entire vampire culture only a few days ago. So yes she is told things but seems to get the whole underlying 'magic is real' and 'how vampire clans work' thing just instantly. On one hand, I am curious why wise olf Garret did something that shouldn't have worked--was he behind everything or just dumb? On the other hand, there's a lot of characters and POVs and I would rather just see what Leona knows as she learns it rather than keep track of all this. The writing has some pervasive grammar issues but they are fairly minor,

Yaay! Vampire story.. For some reason, I have this craziness over vampires. Your story is easy to read and its progressing really good. Trust me, It's way better than Twilight series.😂 I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar , even if there was any it won't be noticed. Your writing quality is really good, I hope I can be as good as you are.

The story gradually gets so much better, I love how you include scenes of emotions so easily The writing quality needs to be a bit better, some missing words here and there. Story wise, the plot is very good. The way that the author as portrayed the characters and the moments... Is fantastic!

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The auxiliary chapter in the front was a good choice. It really drew me in right from the start. The pacing of the story is not forced at all, and the plot is moving forward at a steady pace. The author describes the scenes and interactions with vividness that makes it a joy to read. It is not overly descriptive to the point where it sometimes gets in the way of the reading. With a few grammar mistakes that are able to overlook, this (as of chapter 7) is a book that I'm excited to read more of. There is some amazing world building and story development going on and I can't wait for more. I also quite like the main character, Leona, so far. Keep up the good work, author! :)

The writting is beautiful even though there are a lot of mistakes ... well according to me and English is my 3rd language so not really confident in many of the things I see wrong. I think she's is supposed to be used for she is and not was but maybe I am wrong. Anyway the dialogues and the interraction beween the 2 main characters so far make it flow like a river. Seriously I can only rate it with 5 stars since World building is unnecessary and grammar mistakes although plenty are not nowhere near enough to make me want to stop or having trouble understanding the meaning. Mostly just problems with tense selection and a, an, the ... Anyway, all fives for me. I am actually glad there are only 3 chapters so far or I would continue reading.

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Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.