Paleness

Cold and massive, entering the library felt as if opening a cave to another world. A passage guarded by the same old man, bearing a hat and sitting. 'Sure is packed today,' looking around, many students sat; a big change from yesterday.

"I'd like to return these," approaching the desk, the borrowed items were returned.

"Lovely to see that the books were cared for. I almost didn't' let you take them home yesterday, that downpour was a death sentence. Thankfully, you're an attentive boy – I appreciate the effort," the librarian smiled.

"I should be the one who's thankful, you've always been so helpful with getting the books I require," returning the compliment, "-I'll be on my way," a nod of acknowledgment followed. 'Those plastic bags sure were a huge help yesterday,' looking towards where he had previously sat, '-not going to happen,' he walked till the stairs, '-everyone has taken a table. The place isn't that busy,' wandering about, '-a comfy couch with easy access to relevant materials,' towards the western wing, a place where none ever visited, placing his bags on the couch, dust lifted.

'I guess that's the effect of going unnoticed,' eying the seat, the loneliness felt familiar. Ignored and overlooked in favor of things which seemed flashier, '-grey color sure doesn't help,' a faint chuckle, '-a place as depressing as this. Anyone who'd sit there and read will be seen as the biggest loner ever.' Gathered material, '-guess I'm that loner,' now sat, a laugh directed at himself. Arrived at 13:00, the hour hand moved as if being the minute hand. *Achoo,* startled, an old man, reading old issues of newspapers, sneezed – reverberating everywhere. Few of the non-tolerant users gave 'tsk,' and clicked their tongue. 'That's a bit rude,' he thought and peered towards the floor below – dressed in a cardigan, the man read ignoring the reactions.

*Smack,* '-my cheeks,' boiled and tingly, ���-what happened,' holding the cheeks, '-I must have dozed off.' Blurry vision sharpened, "-what…" a girl leaned with a lock of hair dangling. "Did you slap me?" he asked.

"Of course, I did," *smack,* and again, this time on top of the head.

"What do you want?" taking a few seconds to realize who stood, "-not you again," not showing emotions since he woke up, the only sensation was a warming of the face. "I said it before, don't you have other people to harass?" asked in a disappointed tone, '-18:00 already,' checking the clock, '-how long did I sleep?' the warmth of the couch, nearing the study session, deciding to have some shut-eye, sleep wrapped itself around the unknowing victim.

"Look at me," she demanded but was ignored.

'I need to head back,' standing up briskly, '-I feel lightheaded, it's dark,' *BANG,* echoed around the hall, the sound of someone falling headfirst. Landing squarely on the cold-tiled floor, the wound from yesterday reopened.

"Hey are you ok?" asked the girl.

'My head,' touching the forehead, "-great," knelt, the girl was as if she never existed. "Bleeding again, do I have to pay for a bandage, that's going to cost 45 Bits. I can't afford that amount of money – that's a good dinner," standing using the table as support, "-I need to get back," speaking loudly, he stopped. "It's you, the popular girl…" eyes narrowed, "-I apologize," a quick bow, backpack on the shoulders, '-didn't I wish to never cross her path?' moving with blood dripping from forehead along the nose and down the side of the mouth, it made droplets.

"Thanks for today again," returning the books to the desk, "-I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey, are you alright?" asked the librarian.

"I'm fine," a peaceful smile later, the walk home resumed.

Behind, footsteps ran till it stopped a few meters shy of the desk, "-excuse me sir, but do you know that boy?" she asked with an angrier tone.

"Not really," unwilling to cooperate, "-why don't you go ask him yourself," reaching down, "-here," a bandage, "-I've heard from the professors about his situation. Do me a favor and give him that," left on the counter, a dressing.

'It hurts,' holding onto the forehead, '-the wind doesn't help either,' shivering as the later it got, the colder it became – he walked. The lampposts, powered by sun-light from the day, toggled on with an amber glow.

"Wait up," panting, a voice came from behind.

"Yes?" bloodied with half the face covered, "-it's you again," ignoring her, he turned.

"Stop being such an idiot," grabbing his arms, "-here," she handed over the bandage, "-go die for all I care."

"You actually feel empathy towards others?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

"Don't be sarcastic," her eyes sharpened, "-take it and stop gawking, gosh, you're impossible," she turned, ��-I'll be waiting in Manticore – get on the game, my friends have been wondering where you've been, the idiot who used a DLS-40."

'Like that's going to happen,' tearing open the package, without much reference, the injury stopped bleeding. 'Standing up is a bad idea,' the walk resumed, '-I avoided an unnecessary expense this time. I better be careful,' remembering the paragraphs, dusk settled in.

*Click,* opened, '-I'm home,' stumbled and tripped, *bang,* '-back to the only place I belong,' laying on the floor, '-I feel empty once again. The day started so well too,' it didn't matter the eyes were opened or closed, '-fight it, I don't want to become depressed,' face up, the warmth of tears rolling from the eyes and into the hair, '-I'm cold, tired, and lost. I've no idea why I'm crying, boys don't cry, that's what father said. Keep it all in, there's no point in letting it out,' touching the belly, '-even my stomach has given up. It would usually growl – the feeling of not needing food, what a pleasant moment.'

*BEEP, BEEP,* "-Welcome to the five o'clock news. Listeners who've just woke up, I'd like to say, good morning. Through the cold weather despite being comfortable underneath a warm blanket, I'd like to thank the people who wake up early to work. It's amazing the things you do, us from Radio-F, thank you all."

'Why's the alarm ringing?' stumbling to the clock, '-didn't I come home a few minutes ago?' the date showed, Wednesday 4th April. 'I see,' wiping his eyes, one that ached when touched, '-guess I passed out due to something. Starvation, fatigue – there's a lot of culprits. At least I'm not sick,' shuffling towards the kitchen sink, '-the water should wake me up.'

"Ouch," he yelled, "-I got the bandage wet, DAMN IT,' hands-on the forehead, "-I need to get my shit together. It's been five years, I can't crumble now – hell no, I refuse. Do your worst body, do your worst subconscious, I'm going to fight myself if that's what it takes," *Click,* turned on, the stove gave heat and light. Knowing the apartment inch by inch, even in the complete darkness, he walked as if being bright daylight. Opening the fridge in anger, the hinges felt as if it would have broken. "I'll treat myself to a good enough breakfast," cracking an egg in the pan, "-bread from four days ago," cut as if toast, "-I've no idea where I learned this," placed on an open flame, the bread caught fire. From rubbery to crisp with burnt marks here and there, "-warm water, egg, and burnt bread. This is a feast," standing, he brushed his teeth then ate. 'I need to head to the market soon,' not changing clothes, the door closed, 'Off to work.'

"You look like shit," commented Jerry.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Don't you have a mirror," pointing to a reflective panel, "-take a look for yourself."

"This is embarrassing," from white to black, the bandage took a turn for the worse. Not only that, but the eyes were also bloodshot red, swollen as if being rubbed for hours on end. Dark-circles and an overall paleness.

"I look like a zombie," he laughed, the severity of the situation turned to a messy joke, '-I better not create more hassle than is due,' using a cap and glasses inside an ex-employee' locker, "-I'll head to work now."

"Zombie man," called Jerry, "-don't force yourself. Take a break if you need too, how you look now is far worst than it has been for the few weeks. You might not realize this but Dimia has been keeping a close eye on you."

"I promise to not overwork," a half-hearted smile later, he mounted the register.

'Dimia Fleur, I treat her as my boss. Despite her being my father's step-sister. It's a weird arrangement, I didn't even know she was family till the funeral. Insisting that they take me in, the looks on her daughter's faces said it all. I could not have done that, in no way was I going to take my troubles into another family. Instead, I asked for a job and here I am, repaying her kindness. Apparently, grandfather was fond of taking Celestials that couldn't find a proper family.'

"Hey," waved a girl across the store, pointing to her nose, "-what's the glasses and a cap all about?" asked without making sound.

"New style," pointing to Jerry, "-look, look." Embarrassed, the girl squinted then made an air-gun, '-I will shoot you,' she said.

"The basket looks fuller than usual," making small talk whilst the girl kept on standing on her toe to stare at Jerry.

"I'm more peckish, I guess," her attention never changed.

"Peckish for that good-looking man?" he said in jest.

"You're going to hell," she pulled out her tongue and left.

'The routine never changes,' visibly worsened, Roger walked inside and spoke.

"Sayer, Sayer, Sayer?" shaken, "-are you fine?"

"Yeah, no need to shout," the scenery changed, "-where am I?" he asked.

"You fell unconscious the moment I walked in, boy, are you sure you're alright?" touching his forehead, "-you don't have a cold. Still," from knelt to standing, "-I'm telling Ma'am Dimia. You're pushing yourself too hard," reaching for the phone.

"Please," with what little strength was left, "-I'm fine. There's no need to be worried. I haven't had a good night sleep for a few days. Exams are tomorrow, I can't afford to fall ill. There's so much I need to do," pushing the man aside, "-I'm clocking out. I'll see you guys Saturday," walking as if a drunkard, '-GET A GRIP,' yelling inside, the posture straightened.

"I'm going to call the boss, I don't care," voiced Roger.

"Don't," intervened Jerry, "-let him be. It's awful to see him in that situation. Still, that's Sayer we're talking about, a boy who was forced to grow up in an instant. Leave him be, he's mature and able to make a decision. Let's step in if it gets out of control," being the calm and composed member, the supervisor voiced his opinions.

"I'm still telling the boss, she told me to watch over him. I don't care," opposed to calling, "-I'll wait until the exams are over."

"Fine, tell her on Saturday, until then – don't do anything rash," the jingle in the store signal Sayer's departure.

'Why does everyone think I'm sick,' he walked, '-it's not that bad. I can see, breathe, and sense things. I decided to take my family's burden on myself. The situation is of my own accord – no one has the right to interfere. I made a vow to do everything I can to have Elise back on her feet.'

"Where were you last night?" stood with a mini-skirt, warm looking jacket, long boots, and bright red lipstick.

"Why does it matter?" an uninterested reply, "-I've said this time and time again – leave me alone. I don't want to be seen around you," to which he pointed down, "-see?" focused on the notepad, she stared, "-this place is usually empty. Even during exams, students rather study in the comfort of their homes and not a decrepit place like this. Now, sadly," a glance later, "-it's being invaded by your followers. Look at their expression, I'm sure it's one of disgust. Disgust that you're standing next to a loner like me. I might not be popular, but I sure understand my place. I never asked to be looked at, let alone spoken too. Whatever it is, sympathy, guilt, or plain malice, take it somewhere else. There're thousands of students here, I'm sure there isn't a lack of loners either."

"Are you done?" she stood unbothered by the words, "-have you vented, or is there something more you have to say."

"What do you mean more to say," he stared, "-can't you see you're bringing nothing but harm to the only asylum I have," in that instant, her face changed subtly at the sight of a familiar fellow.

'I knew it,' shutting the book, "-I know," he stood, "-you want to be acquainted with Jay, the most popular guy on the campus, always surrounded by famous, beautiful, and popular people. What happened, is it that your ego doesn't allow you to be rejected by someone who's better?"

"Shut up," *Smack,* echoed around, it caught everyone's attention. "Don't stand there and pass judgment on what kind of person I am. Heck, I was a fool to even try and approach you. The look in your eyes on Manticore and the one in the real world reminded of someone important, never mind, you're too thick-headed to understand people," she turned in anger then bolted past the books.

'It worked,' he smiled then sat, '-I got her worked up enough to leave me alone. Let's hope that's sufficient. Once the exam is over, I can bid this place farewell for good.'