Incline 37: Dandel'lhia

"Come on, Little One, that's enough of that now." Dandel'lhia told her son as she started to pack away the toys he had been playing with.

"No, not tired!" he complained before he suddenly twitched. And I smiled a little at the way his eyes flickered open in an attempt to hide it all.

"There will be a time he'll be glad it is time to rest, you know?" Dandel'lhia asks me just before I hid my smile.

"I know of no such thing." I tell her as I turn away from her. Only to look back with an annoyed glance as she could not stop herself from giggling.

"Alright, I'll leave you to it, then." she remarks as she points at the fact I had not left this chair for most of the day. My injuries had confined me more so than when the wind-people suddenly came.

"Is it... Alright if I hold him?" I asked her all of a sudden. With a nervousness I could not really explain.

"No... I want to hold him." she tells me, much to my disappointment.

"I suppose that is only fair." I say, thinking more so about what I had done to her than any other reason.

"Don't worry too much about it, Rose'lhia. You'll understand it when you finally have yours." she kindly informs me while also condescendingly rubbing my head.

"Get off." I snap gently as I watch her sapling fall asleep steadily despite his prior words.

"I mean it you know, I hope you do have one of your own. It is a very special experience." she repeats before she holds her son close to her face so she could hold him closer. And, unlike all the other times I have seen a mother hold their child. I felt envious this time...

"That is a long time away for me..." I say quietly as I start to think of my Love. Despite what I have done recently, he would not have heard about it. He would likely never hear about it... So I would have to present myself before him and show it to him.

"It will only be as far away as you make it, trust me, I know how determined you can be."

"Very black." I say as I giggle alongside her.

"Best get it out of my system now, I won't be needing it soon."

"Yeah..."

"So, anyway, about the one you love... Why aren't they here with you?" she asked me all of a sudden. A question that made me defensive instantly.

"They're..." but I could not muster the will to speak about anything.

"Regardless, I am sure he cares about you deeply. Who knows, maybe this will teach him just how much he misses you." she tries to say kindly before my mind fills with images of that woman. The one who stole his heart...

"I... I don't know..."

"How can you-?"

"Just be quiet, please. Your son is tired, put him to bed." I interrupt before I get to my points and slowly head on ahead.

"Well... Good night, Rose'lhia." she says before we part ways. And I tell her nothing and instead just head straight for my own bed. Then, once the door was closed, the tears I was holding back started to come out.

"You hear that, Nin? Someone else can see that I love you..." I say before I cover my mouth as the tears come out even more. I just didn't know what to do. I still could not grasp if this was a good thing that I was doing or if I had just justified abandoning him again...

Yet, eventually, the tears came to a stop and I kept an ear out. Some relief then came to me as I realised that no one was out there. But, there was something nagging at the back of my mind. So I left my room and headed for Dandel'lhia's.

I then opened the door slowly and quietly and walked into the dark room. Staring at the full bed before I found myself regretfully looking away. Was that ever going to be me...? It didn't seem like it when you thought about the kind of person that I was.

But what kind of person was I? Was I an ivy-mother that cared for all the mothers of our flower regardless? Or was I a petal who respected the reality of our people? Or was I a runt who would never see the affection I desired so much?

Was I someone who only knew of love? Or was I someone that was loved?

I suppose, though, I did know one thing, "Sleep well, you two." and that was that I knew how to help others love those around them.