Seventeen

BK 2 chapter 17

      I woke up groggily, I groaned tiredly, scrutinizing my eyes. The ray of light was too bright. The smell of disinfectant made my heart constrict. 

I hated the smell of the hospital!. 

I hated hospitals!. 

They held too many unwanted memories. 

But wait!. 

Yusuf!. 

Yusuf was alive!. 

Where was he since all these years!. 

My eyes sting with unshed tears. I felt turned and betrayed. 

He left me. 

He didn't want me. 

Why couldn't he divorce me and tell me he wasn't doing it again?. 

Why did he make me suffer so much?. 

What have I done so wrong?. 

I cried silently in my palms, my body trembling with different kinds of emotions. 

I heard footsteps coming closer to me but I didn't raise my head. I wasn't ready to face the reality and truth that Yusuf was alive. 

It must be a dream. 

I must be hallucinating with all what was happening. 

"Mom" I heard my boy's voice calling me out of my misery. 

"Uhn?". 

"Arrre youu crying," he asked softly, I knew he wasn't the only one in the room. 

"No baby" I sniffed, "something entered mom's eyes" I hated lying to my boy. I raised my head up slowly, using the opportunity to quickly wipe any trace of tears away from my face. I knew my eyes would give away that I'd been crying because how red bloody shot it was and puffy. 

"How are you feeling ma'am," he asked in his manly deep voice which made me freeze in my position. 

My eyes brimmed with eyes, I bit my lips hard to stop it from trembling. 

From wifey to ma'am. 

From best friend to stranger. 

It hurt so much, for the person you care and love should deny you. 

It hurt to be rejected. 

I heard my boy's voice in the background telling me he would be outside. 

I stood on my shaking legs and went to him, holding my breath. I needed to know if he was real. That I wasn't imagining it. 

I touched his face with my shaking hands before whispering out "Yusuf". 

He held my hand away from his face gently, "ma'am, it is very nice to meet you at last. Your son said to do much about you but I'm sorry to meet you like this and by the way" he wrinkled his nose, "I'm not Yusuf ma'am" he smiled softly at me before he continued, "My name is Zubair that's why my pupils called me captain Z". 

My broken heart broke into millions of pieces. I wailed loudly, hitting him on his chest. 

Where was he since all these executing years of pains?

He hurt me. 

He is not Zubair!. 

He is lying!. 

He is my Yusuf!. 

I must be going crazy!. 

Yusuf died, he was announced dead at the hospital then why was he standing here? 

Could a dead body wake?!. 

No that was impossible!. 

I screamed again, "my Yusuf is alive and doesn't want me" I shook my head in denial. 

"Ma'am are you OK" he moved forward to touch me but I shouted at him to stop. 

I hate being lied to!. 

He denies me!. 

"What's happening here?" I heard my son's teacher's voice from a distance.

"Wifey, I don't know" I flinched away, as he called her wifey. 

The name he used to call me. 

His endearing name for me. 

The name I thought was the only mine. 

The name I thought was special. 

The name... I screamed again holding my heart. 

It hurts everywhere, especially my heart. 

My heart bleeds. 

"She continued calling me Yusuf and I told her I'm not," he said to her, "is she crazy", he asked in a hushed voice but I heard him. 

Was I crazy?. 

No!, I wasn't. 

He was my Yusuf. 

"Hello ma'am, you are Abdullah mother right?. Sorry to meet you in the position" she rolling her eyes, "but I'm Khadijah, Zubair's fiance and his soon to be wife by next two weeks" she sneered at me before she dragged Yusuf by his arm and walked out. 

My world collapsed. 

My soul shattered. 

My legs gave out and I fell on my ass. I used my hands to cover my mouth trying to muffle my son. 

Soon after that my mom, Abdulrahman, Maryam entered. My mom rushed to me patting my back gently, talking to me in a soothing comfortable voice but it didn't relieve me. I was in pain. 

I was pained emotionally, mentally also. 

"Mom he's alive" I sobbed. 

"Shhh, it's OK" mum shooed me. 

"No mom, he was alive since all these years and he does not remember me" as I said that mom didn't look at me but before she turned her head her eyes swirled with guilt. 

I took in a breath, calming myself down, "mom what are you not telling me?" I asked meekly, afraid of her response. 

"Nothing" she bit out. 

"Then why are you not looking at me in the eyes," I asked, looking at others. They stood some feet away but did not look at me. 

"Mom, look me in the eyes and tell me it's nothing" I ordered.

She glanced up, her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I'm sorry baby" she clamped her mouth. 

"What are you sorry about?" I wondered. 

"I've hurt you, I hate lying to you but I need to protect both of you" " she sobbed. 

"Mom explains, I don't understand," I said. 

"We know, we all know he was alive" as I heard her confession, I detached myself away from her quickly as if she burnt me. 

I felt betrayed. 

"You know," I asked weakly to be sure of what I heard and she nodded in confirmation. 

I gulped, swallowing the thick lump in my throat before laughing like a maniac. I clutched my stomach while laughing because it hurt but I needed to laugh then tears began to prick from my tear duct. 

I couldn't freaking believe it. 

I couldn't comprehend. 

No one to trust. 

"what of you?" I faced Maryam. 

She looked away shamefully before whispering out  "yes". 

I grinned widely while sniffing, "and you call yourself a sister". 

"And you too?" I asked Abdulrahman. 

"Yes, but it was recent. I was told when you fainted" he grumbled. 

I was surrounded by betrayals. 

I was kept in the dark for so long. 

"We are sorry Sophia, he lost his memory and couldn't remember you because he hit his head" mom tried to reason with me. But that didn't justify their betrayals. 

It hurt so much, being betrayed by loved ones. 

I felt suffocated about how I was seeing them in the same room with me. 

Mom crouched to my level and touched me. I flinched away before shouting "don't touch me". 

All of them disgusted me. 

"Get out" I yelled at them, they still stood their ground looking at me with tears in their eyes. 

I didn't care. 

I was hurting. 

"Get out" I yelled again, throwing anything within my arm's length at them. 

I shouted. I wanted to vest my frustrations, hurt, betrayals out. 

They lied. 

They deceived me. 

They made me a soulless lady. 

"Please let us explain," mom said but I was having that. 

"Out ". 

"It was not our fault, it was his parents' ideal because....", I shut the door on them, didn't let them finish. 

I didn't need an explanation. 

They were all betrayals. 

They broke my trust. 

They shattered my soul. 

Then I heard the voice again. The dark voice, the voice that taunted my dreams, that always gave me chills and sleepless nights. 

"You are nobody, no one will love you". 

It was true I was nobody. 

I was no one.