On the Hearth

Huddled under a blanket, Suzhen sat in a small puddle on the hearth, looking around curiously at the inside of Xuxian's hut. It looked different by firelight; smaller, cosier, everything touched with a warm buttery tint so even the shadows looked friendly.

It was shabby, but neat. Jars of all shapes and sizes were arranged in orderly lines on the homemade wooden shelves flanking the walls. Bunches of herbs dangled from the shelves, throwing strange shadows that looked like clawed hands on the floor. A broom stood in one corner, together with the basket she recognized, and an old pair of riding boots so worn they were falling over each other. It was all dark outside the window by now, so even if the shutters were open she would not have been able to see the wisteria.

Suzhen sniffed, wondering if she could at least smell its fragrance. There was the faint smell of dried herbs in the air, as well as the not-so-pleasant smell of damp clothes drying. She wrinkled her nose.

Xuxian raced about, building up the small fire on the hearth and checking on the coals inside the small, battered charcoal brazier he had dug out from a corner. He put a pot of water on the boil and ran back to check on her.

"Take your shoes off, they're soaking." he ordered. "I'll put them to dry by the fire. Don't worry, I will make sure they don't get scorched."

She obediently took off her shoes, and noted with delight how little streams of water came out when she turned them upside down. "Like a teapot!" she murmured.

Xuxian snatched them away with a groan at how wet they were, and whisked them onto the hearth, propping them up like two wet pigeons roosting before the fire.

He knelt beside her with a towel in his hands. "Don't mind me. I'm going to dry your feet, they're like blocks of ice."

Suzhen propped her chin on her hands and watched him rub her feet dry, charmed by how engrossed he was. It was so pleasant to be here, to have him fussing over her like this. She had never experienced anything like the warmth from the fire, or the rough but cosy blanket around her shoulders, and she felt a deep sense of contentment.

"There. Now, this towel is for your hair. Try your best to dry it. The tonic will be done soon, and you must drink it while it's piping hot. I have no suitable clothes you could change into, but I can run over to Granny Hong's and--"

She caught his sleeve. "Xuxian, I'm fine. Stop rushing around like that, you're making me dizzy."

Dutifully, she put the towel over her head. "See, I will be dry soon, you've put so many layers on me. I am like a rice dumpling, all wrapped up in leaves."

Xuxian smiled in spite of himself. "Your hair is never going to dry like that. Come, I'll do it for you."

He took the towel from her and started to dry her hair carefully, one lock at a time, pressing it between the folds of the towel. "How do you feel? Are you still cold, or do you perhaps feel feverish?" he asked anxiously.

"I told you already, I'm fine." she said with a laugh. "Is all this worry part of you being a physician?"

"I can't help but worry, your hands are still so cold. It can't be normal. You must have caught a chill or something." He crouched down beside her and felt her forehead anxiously with the back of his hand.

Suzhen gazed up at him as he frowned in concentration, studying the concern in his face. Suddenly, without warning, she leant forward and kissed him softly on the nose.

Xuxian started, dropping the towel. "Suzhen," he said uncertainly, and stopped. He drew back.

There was silence for a moment in the small hut, except for the crackling of the fire.

Suzhen peered anxiously at his face, hidden by the shadows. "I'm sorry," she whispered timidly. "Should I not have done that?"

He took her face in his hands and looked earnestly into her eyes.

"Suzhen--I have never hidden my heart from you. You know that I love you deeply. But I would be the first to admit that I do not deserve you. As a poor physician I cannot give you the kind of life a woman of your class is entitled to. I thought, I would love you from afar, since my love would be a burden to you. But you told me to stay. And I saw that you were not indifferent to me. And I know that you have been conflicted because of me--this much, I can see."

He drew a deep breath. "I just want to tell you that whatever you are willing to give me, is enough. You must not feel constrained because of me. If you are happy to see me, even if just for one afternoon, like today--then I will come and see you, whenever you want. If you think it is better that I disappear from your life--" he swallowed "then I will disappear. I will not come looking for you again."

After a pause, he continued. "I've not asked much about your background, because I sensed you did not feel comfortable to talk about it. Perhaps you might have been engaged, or you may have a marriage proposal made to you. You are so beautiful. Many men would have sought your hand, and you could surely marry an official's son, a scholar, even a marquise or prince if you pleased. If there is one, it would be selfish of me to prevent you from securing a better future with a man who might also love you sincerely. So, Suzhen--" he took her hand and squeezed it lightly, "you must make the decision which is best for you. Don't let me make it hard for you. And I will wait for you to tell me what I should do."

He gave a small sigh, and then looked up, smiling. "I am content to wait on your decision."

For the first time in hundreds of years, perhaps in all of her life in the mountains, Bai Suzhen felt tears well in her eyes.

Xuxian felt two small cold hands on his.

"What you mentioned--class, wealth, a comfortable future--these I have never considered, because they have no value for me. I want only to be with you for as long as I can. If you would only accept me--if you are willing to have me--let me stay by your side."

Her voice caught in her throat and she rose up on her knees to face him. The firelight danced across her face so that the tears in her eyes gleamed golden.

"I will try my best, Xuxian. I will keep you from getting hurt. I will protect your gentle and kind heart, for it is what I love most about you. I would never, never hurt you. Do you believe that?"

"Believe it? Suzhen, you could never hurt me."

Her face was very pale. She seemed to be struggling mightily with something, and her lips were working as if trying to shape words.

"Xuxian--would you be willing to marry me--if you knew--if you knew that"

Xuxian choked. "Marry you! If you would marry me--I could not ask for anything more from the gods. If you are willing to become my wife--Suzhen--" He faltered. "Do you--do you care so much for me? I dare not ask so much of you--"

"I have never felt for anyone what I have felt for you. If this be love, then I love you--I love you--I love you--"

Her voice faded away as she leaned forward and kissed him wordlessly. This time, her lips met his.

There was a brief silence except for the wind rustling the wisteria boughs outside.

Xuxian drew away briefly, enough to murmur against her lips, "Do you smell the wisteria now?"

She smiled without opening her eyes. "I don't need to." she breathed. "I have you."