Blood Enough

Breathing heavily, Suzhen watched the monk's face contorting as she clenched her fingers. She knew that she had only to press a little harder--no, she just had to hold him like this a moment more--and the monk would not trouble her anymore.

She could go back to the village. He would lie here peacefully under the snow, and even if his body was ever discovered the villagers would believe he had only been the next victim of the demon.

Somehow that jarred her. Like a broken string on a zither, the thought pierced through everything else, cutting her with its sharpness. She frowned. So after all, was that what she had become?

Fahai's breathing rattled under her hand. The veins stood out on the side of his neck but no other sound came out of his lips.

She stared down at him, suddenly unsure. It would be so easy, now, to kill him. Like how she had killed the twelve bandits.

Suddenly she shuddered. It was enough. There had been blood enough today. Unlike the bandits, the monk was--in his own way--a good man. He had Xuxian's safety at heart, and why should she kill him for that?

She would show him that she was different. Violence would not be the end of everything.

Abruptly she let go. The white glow faded from her fingers like a fire put out, and the monk fell heavily back. As he gasped in air convulsively, he looked blankly up at her.

"I will not kill you," she said lowly, stepping back and folding her hand away into her sleeves.

Fahai's lips parted uncertainly. For once he was at loss what to say. His hand crept up to his chest, where the blood was welling slowly.

"Do not cross my path again, or I will not spare you."

Suzhen's face was like stone. She retreated slowly to a safe distance, eyes never leaving him, and then without warning turned and walked swiftly away. Her figure melted away into the trees like snow in the sun.

Fahai watched her go. He raised himself with a great effort, wincing as the pain swept through him. His bloody hands left stains on the torn snow as he laboriously got up, leaning against the tree for support.

As she hurried down the mountain, Suzhen glanced anxiously at the sky. It was late. Too late. Xuxian must be back by now, and wondering where she was. She tried to push on, faster, but waves of dizziness hit her. Pressing a hand to her side, she stopped briefly to catch her breath, feeling the injury within throbbing warningly. She ought to cultivate until it was healed, but she had no choice. Right now the important thing was to get back so that Xuxian would not worry. Perhaps tonight when he was asleep she could try to heal herself.

Using stiffened fingers, she hit herself rapidly across several acupoints, hoping it would help her suppress the pain and lightheadedness, and forced herself onwards.

By the time she reached the gate of their hut, she could see the firelight flickering through the window, illuminating a restlessly pacing figure on the verandah.

Everything looked so reassuringly normal, from the crooked fence and the half-grown chicken roosting sleepily and the gate door which needed fixing because it didn't quite latch evenly unless you hit it hard with your palm in closing. She wanted to walk up that path as easily and thoughtlessly as she had so many times in the past, to walk into Xuxian's embrace, to sit down opposite him at the table and hear about what had happened, see him try to entertain her with stories of his patients. Like any other evening. Almost.

A stray shaft of moonlight lit up Xuxian's anxious face as he peered out into the shadows hopefully, looking comically like a little rat popping its head out of a hole to check if the surroundings were clear.

Suzhen had to smile, but oddly enough she felt like crying. Rousing herself, she came forward out of the shadows with as firm a step she could manage.

"Susu!" he cried out gladly, running down the path. "Where did you go? I was almost about to go search for you."

She put her hand on the gate post in a leisurely gesture, but the hard wooden surface helped her keep her balance. Inwardly, she wondered if she could make it into the house without him suspecting anything. Then perhaps she could say she was tired, and wanted to sleep.

"Did I worry you?" she replied lightly. "I lost track of the time. I'm sorry. Did you have a good time in town with Yuanzheng?"

Xuxian looked searchingly at her. The young moon threw a misty, powdery gleam that made one want to look twice, giving everything a slightly unreal quality. But even then he was sure that her face was paler than usual, despite the smile on her lips.

"Susu. You don't look well. Did something happen?" he said abruptly in a different tone of voice.

She tried to force a laugh as she looked at him. "I'm just tired, that's all," she managed to say. "I must have walked too far today. Could you--could you help me in to rest?"

The words were barely out of her mouth when she felt something twist inside of her, like a knot that was already painfully tight being strained till it snapped, and she choked on a sudden warm wetness that came up her throat, too salty to be bile.

Xuxian sprang forward and caught her in his arms as she coughed out a mouthful of blood.

"Susu!"

His horrified gasp rang in her ears as she clung feebly to him, unable to keep up the pretence any longer. Her head was spinning.

"Xuxian," she managed to whisper, looking up appealingly at his frantic face. "I'm sorry--I'm so sorry…"

Wildly he wiped at the blood dribbling down her chin, a black trickle in the moonlight against the whiteness of her face. "Susu--look at me--look at me. My darling--what happened to you--how did you get hurt like this?"

Her head fell back limply against his shoulder in reply.