The Break of Dawn

A startled rabbit leaped out of the grass and darted away as Suzhen raised her head from the ground. Vacantly, she watched it run away, and slowly sat up, brushing away the leaves clinging to her hair. She had rested long enough. Laboriously, she crawled to her feet, clutching at a tree for support. The fresh air was rejuvenating as she drew in a deep breath, and she steadied herself for the path ahead.

It had only been a few hours, but it felt like years ago since she had left Granny Hong's hut at the break of dawn. She had woken up after a long, dream-like sleep she knew not how long, and found herself lying there while Granny Hong slept on a makeshift pallet besides her.

As the memories had come flooding back into her mind Suzhen had clutched at her head in agony. Fahai. Xuxian's desperate face and the hands grasping out helplessly for her. The water closing over her. And Fahai in the air, with Xuxian's limp body over his shoulder.

The pain in her chest swelled until she thought it would burst, and she clapped a hand over her heart instinctively with a little moan. For a while she sat huddled there, numbed by a grief that verged on despair too deep for tears.

Shuddering, she looked around wildly. The familiar objects suddenly hurt her. She had too many happy memories with Xuxian here. No, she could not stay here. She knew that Granny Hong and Yuanzheng had taken her in without questioning, and would not let her leave now that she was on her own, out of kindness. All the more so she could not burden them.

What was more, she had to find Xuxian. This was the one constant thought that kept her together. She knew that Fahai had taken him away, but she did not know where.

And if the monk came back to hunt her, the village would be the first place he would look. No. She could not stay here. Not in the village. Not in the mountains even.

Carefully she had eased herself off the bed, though Granny Hong was hard of hearing and would not have waken up even if she heard her. Suzhen had went softly to the door, lingering to look back only once. The early dawn had come creeping in gleefully through the cracks of the wall, bathing the old woman's ravaged features in a soft glow.

"I cannot ever repay you," she whispered softly. "I owe you too much. For your kindness to me. To me and Xuxian. But it is time for me to go now. If ever in the future we meet again, I will do my best to return this debt."

Slowly and clumsily, holding on to the doorframe for support, she knelt down and kowtowed deeply, touching her forehead to the ground. When she raised her head there was a faint smile on her lips. "Bai Suzhen bids you farewell. May you be blessed with prosperity and good health all the days of your life, and may the gods show you the kindness you showed to me."

And then she had slipped out of the door, and disappeared from the village before the sun had appeared over the horizon.

It had been been difficult to walk at first--her body ached all over, and bouts of nausea wracked her every now and then, though when she retched there was nothing in her stomach to vomit. She blamed it on the intense shape shifting she had done yesterday and her loss of cultivation. It would have been faster to travel in her snake form--as well as more dangerous; but she was already so sick and giddy the very thought of transforming again was more than she could bear.

She shook her head impatiently. Never had she struggled like this. Her body had always been obedient to her. However weak or injured she was, her will power had always been stronger. But this time--she knew she had been lucky to escape alive. If Fahai had not been hampered with Xuxian, he would have made sure to kill her.

Memories washed over her mercilessly as she pushed herself on. Suzhen fought against them at first, then gave up and let them swallow her, miserably. Still no tears came, even as she relived one by one scenes which made her catch her breath sharply.

Lifting her head, she gazed at the silent landscape around her. The sky was a beautiful blue, but it was overwhelmingly empty. The vastness of it dazzled her eyes. The same world which was so thrillingly wide to explore, was cruelly endless to search.

She had no idea where Xuxian was; she only knew that Fahai had disappeared beyond the lake. In that direction she travelled. Where she would go after that she did not know, but in her current condition she could not think so far.

By the time Suzhen had climbed the mountain, following the rim of the lake in what seemed like an endless trudge along the narrow, rocky little trail, Granny Hong finally woke up to find an empty bed.

She froze as her sleep-bleared eyes slowly came into focus. The rumpled coverlet huddled on the bed with an ashamed air, as if guilty that it had let her go.

"Yuanzheng!" she cried, falteringly at first, then frantically. "Yuanzheng! Suzhen's gone--she's gone!"

Her voice rang out, shattering the morning calm. Yuanzheng came hurrying over, kneading his eyes. Granny Hong flung aside the thin veil hanging between them and pulled him over impatiently.

Together they stared blankly at the empty bed. "She was still unconscious last night," Granny Hong said, wringing her hands. "She didn't seem like she had the strength to sit up on her own, let alone leave like this. I thought it would be days before she woke up."

"Why would she leave?" he said bewilderedly.

"Where can she go, poor thing?" Granny Hong wailed. "Only the gods know what will happen to her now. Miss Qing--what will we say to Miss Qing?"

She sat down heavily in a chair and flung her hands up in despair. "How can she leave like that, without even saying a word? Didn't Physician Gao say that she was with child? How can she manage on her own like that, wherever she is?"