Under the Pines

The first sliver of the moon was appearing in the sky, a pale shaving like a curl of sawdust at a carpenter's foot. Mao Jin was sitting in the courtyard under the pines, listening to the sound of the birds preparing for dusk with his eyes closed. A porcelain cup was besides his hand, and a delicate flask of wine perched on the table like a roosting bird with its small straddled feet.

Suzhen watched him for a long while, standing at the doorway, but he did not move. At last she came forward softly and sat down besides him at the table.

"I haven't thanked you yet." she said quietly, folding her hands in her lap and gazing up at the outline of the pine branches against the purplish sky.

He opened his eyes. "For what?" he replied simply.

She made a little motion with her hand. "Song Gongzi. You tried to shield me from him, though it put you in a difficult position. I appreciate that."

Mao Jin made a dismissive gesture. "That was nothing. I know what it feels like. Being forced to endure the scrutiny of others, see them smirking and sizing you up as if you were a--a chicken at the market. As if you have no more say than a chicken." He sighed. "Anyway, I wasn't very successful, was I? He would doubtless have barged past me if you hadn't taken matters into your own hands. So you shouldn't be thanking me."

Suzhen stared into the distance. "I didn't think I would see him again. It was an unpleasant surprise to see that he hadn't changed at all."

She added quietly to herself under her breath, "I should have killed him that night. It was a mistake to think someone like him could change." There was a dark expression brooding in her eyes, the same one that Wanwan had noticed and puzzled over of late.

Mao Jin uttered a short laugh. "People like Song Weiming don't change. Why should they, when they never suffer any consequences? They live in the lap of power and luxury. Why would they care to change?"

"It's a cruel world, isn't it." He poured himself more wine. "Destiny is cruel. Those of us without power, how else can we live but with our heads bowed?"

Suzhen sat there silently until at last he spoke again, with a bluntness that was unlike his usual calm behaviour. Perhaps it was the wine, perhaps it was the atmosphere at that moment, the tranquility and the pines whispering soothingly in the background.

"I'm a concubine's son," he said shortly. "Like he said, I've been living my whole life cowed. As early as I could remember, Mother always told me to be quiet and avoid trouble. She told me to be aware of my place and never offend my superiors. She only wanted me to live well. Well, I've tried my best to do that. But what kind of life is that?"

He leaned his chin on his palm dreamily. "I always thought that I could be free if I stayed away from all of the politics and power struggles. Mother did that. She became a nun so that she could leave the outside world behind and live simply in the temple. But perhaps that wasn't really the answer. Is that really freedom? Is that even possible? Does one have the power to fight for what one wants, if it's not in one's destiny?"

Wearily he passed a hand over his eyes. "Ah well. I suppose he's not such a fool after all. Or perhaps I'm the one who's more fool than I thought. I don't know."

A pine cone fell into Suzhen's lap and she picked it up absently, running her fingers over the rough ridges.

"Do you know, on my way here, I got lost? I was taking the main road leading over the mountains, but took the low road to avoid some rough men. I got lost. I came to a small village, and there was a small boy sitting by the fence eating a pancake. I was tired, and I suppose he thought I was hungry. He gave me his pancake when he saw me looking at him."

She smiled to herself, looking distant. "Before I even put it to my mouth his mother came running out, and knocked it out of my hand. She boxed her son's ears for giving food to a beggar, and she tried to set the dog on me. Fortunately the dog was distracted by the pancake in the dirt, and while it was eating it I left."

"As I was leaving, a couple stopped me. They had seen what happened, and they took pity on me. They brought me back to give me a meal and a bed for the night. I thought, here are some good souls. But as I sat down to eat I overheard them whispering in the kitchen. They had drugged the food and were planning to sell me to a brothel."

Carefully, she set the pinecone on the table, balancing it on one end, and then looked up to smile at him. "It is not destiny that is cruel. It is people who are cruel."

Mao Jin glanced at her, but decided it was better to say nothing. Instead they sat in silence, watching the moon grow brighter and fuller as the sky darkened.

Suzhen reached for the teapot but Mao Jin stopped her. He clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "Ah, what do you think you're doing? How can you drink with that big belly?"

She sighed and let her hand fall, but cast him a dirty look.

Mao Jin grinned, taking the teapot. "Never fear, you can watch me drink your share." Relenting, he conceded, "Very well, stop looking at me with those murderous eyes. You can have some snacks."

"That isn't the same," Suzhen muttered rebelliously under her breath, as he turned and called over his shoulder, "Wanwan! Bring us some pastries, or whatever snacks there are in the kitchen."

"Aren't you going to ask me how I know Song Gongzi?" Suzhen said abruptly.

Mao Jin shook his head. "No. You'll tell me if you want to. I don't need to know otherwise."

Wanwan appeared with a little saucer of dried dates and persimmons. "Here, sir. This is all we have. But I can make some steamed cakes if you wish."

Taking the saucer from her, Mao Jin waved her away. "No, this is fine." Picking up a date, he held it out to Suzhen invitingly.

She smiled wryly as she took it from him. "A poor replacement for wine, I'm afraid. But thank you."

"I'll personally drink a flask of the best wine with you after you've delivered your child, Madame Bai," he said cheerfully.

"Don't forget. I will take you at your word."

"A gentleman does not break his word." he said gallantly with a bow.

Suzhen touched his cup with her persimmon playfully. "We'll toast to that."