Acceptance and ignorance

Anna sat there flustered and flushed at the same spot where he left her with innumerable questions clouding her mind. She could feel that something was changed with him, between them but couldn't discover what it was exactly. After some time, she went to the mirror and saw her reflection in it. Her head was still wrapped with the bandage but she could still feel his warm touch that seeped through it and gratified her heart. She gradually raised her hand and moved her fingers over it. She was deep in thoughts... thoughts about him and the moments that they shared some time back. She was still looking at her reflection when her eyes landed on the photograph of Ashton hanged on the opposite wall reflecting it in the mirror.

"Ashton!" She breathed softly.

She immediately remembered his photograph lying on the floor that she left behind to treat Regan's wound. She hurriedly went to pick it up. She took it carefully and moved her fingers over it to caress.

"I.....I am sorry for leaving you behind. I don't know what came up-to me to..... to..... I just saw him bleeding Ashton and.....and I couldn't think of anything else."

She bit her lip on realizing what she said and again contemplated over her own words. She once again recalled the moment when he kissed her forehead and this time, she couldn't stop herself from pouring her out to him out of habit. A habit of sharing and talking about everything and anything which she couldn't let go off even in his absence. She once again moved her fingers over the spot where he left his mark with his simple gesture. For others, it might be a plain moment, but for her, he was the second man in her life who had came closer to her... so intimately other than Ashton. She was bemused, more with herself than him as instead of rejecting his advances, she succumbed herself as her heart didn't feel to pull back away. Instead, it was at ease. She was distressed with her near death experience, felt dirty on being touched by someone against her wish. She never voiced out, but her heart was still a mess and she wanted to wipe away every bitter memory that kept haunting her in the form of worst nightmares that she ever got. She was extremely scared but amidst all those negativity, Regan's presence provided her the inevitable solace and affirmation of her being well and safe around him. Hence, she couldn't deny or reject any step taken by him. A drop of tear made it way out of her eye to fall on the photograph in her hand.

"Ashton." She closed her eyes.

"Someone... Someone other than you touched me today, came close to me. This should feel wrong....right? Then..... then why don't I feel it's wrong? I..... I couldn't stop him. I should have stopped him, right? I should have felt.....bad about it. But I don't feel any of it. Why?" Her eyes brimmed with tears on not getting any answers for her uncountable questions. "Can you see? I..... I am flushed. I..... I don't know. Why? Earlier, it was only you who could make me feel.....feel like this. But I don't know how...I..... I am sorry."

She hastily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand only to get them filled with some more fresh tears that were not ready to stop anytime soon.

"I saw something in his eyes Ashton. For the first time, I noticed something unusual in his eyes....and it reminded me of you. It was something that I always used to see in your eyes for me. I used to feel your love through your actions in everything you did for me, especially your eyes that used to soothe me and fill my entire being with your love. The day I lost you, I lost that feel too."

Her lips trembled to accept what she felt in that moment but she knew it better, it was her Ashton who never once judged or questioned her feelings. She whispered the last part controlling herself hard to not sob.

"Today, I... I felt it again Ashton. I felt that love again. But.....but it wasn't you." She shook her head not wanting to believe what she felt or said was true. "It can't be true, right? I can never feel something like that again unless it's you and you can't come back to me. I miss you so much that I think I am hallucinating. Am I trying to find your presence in someone else? How..... how can I do this to you..... or even to him? I am really very sorry. I promise I won't..... I won't let anything of this happen again. I won't let my heart feel like this anymore. No one in my life or heart will take your place Ashton. I promise."

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The next day, she woke up quite late due to the tormenting feelings that kept crushing her for being unjust and dishonest to Ashton for what she had started to feel about a certain someone. She had absentmindedly came downstairs where she was greeted by Richard in a loving hug.

"Morning Dad."

"Good noon Princess. You see, the sun is already overhead." He lightly pecked her forehead and asked one of the maid to set the table for lunch.

"Oh! I am sorry. I don't know how I slept so much."

"Anna... it's fine. It was a long day for you yesterday, wasn't it? And you aren't completely well. So resting is good for you. Now come, eat something. You have already missed the breakfast."

She briefly glanced at the dining table laid with most of her favorite dishes. "I don't feel like eating anything. I would eat something later."

"Princess....."

"Not again Anastasia. You really get all of us worry with your low appetite."

She stiffened on hearing Regan's voice, least expecting to meet him again in a short while, especially after realizing what she felt about him. All she wanted was to stay away from him as much as possible. For a fact, she knew it wasn't possible in the long run as they were professionally related and working together. Until then, she wanted to clear the unwanted emotions that he had started evoking in her heart unknown to the fact that he had some other plans. Plans of showering her with his immeasurable love and showing it at every step to make her gradually fall for him, to let her know that he wanted himself to be connected with her entire being. Her pains, fears, smiles, life, heart and soul.