It was late in the evening when Anna reached home. Drake's words were still fresh in her memory as she felt compelled to ponder over his words if she could really be the reason of the tiff between him and Regan. Regardless of all the disturbing thoughts, she dismissed the idea as she thought it to be preposterous considering herself of not much importance in Regan's life to disturb his serenity. However, the thought was not leaving her mind. After dinner, she was in the study while going through some important files when the same thought once again disrupted her mind and she pushed the stack of file aside and audibly sighed. She closed her eyes to shut the distressing thoughts.
Her mind was in a frenzy, surrounded with Regan's thoughts, the events of the past with him and the moments that she spent with him. She didn't only notice but also felt the change in his conduct after her accident. He was always gentle and caring towards her, but after the incident with Mr. Benc, she had felt his overprotective side and a little bit of his possessiveness towards her. He was still the same. His behavior or attentiveness wasn't overbearing or distressing but there was something in his eyes that had changed. His intense grey orbs still hold the same emotions. The only difference was that earlier she couldn't decipher them but now she was able to see through his soul, read his eyes that exhibited many facts that he was reluctant to speak but somehow her heart could understand the unsaid emotions and words that he revealed through his silence. It frightened her to the core. She didn't want to believe what she felt at certain moments with him if it was anytime close to reality. She couldn't bring herself to think that he might have started liking her more than a friend. She was terrified to accept what she felt and kept denying it. Till today, she had managed to keep these thoughts at bay but somehow Drake's words had triggered them in the same line. Amidst all the chaos, the most disturbing thing was that in spite of experiencing all of this, she never pushed him away, never tried to run away from him, never tried to stop him or rejected his advances. Her mind or body may feel dejected, but her heart had somewhere accepted him as a part of its being. She still couldn't find the reason, and was bewildered over her own feelings and thoughts.
She opened her eyes when the door creaked open and Emily entered the study munching on some crackers caressing her huge baby bump which was quite evident with her being in the last trimester of her pregnancy. Although disturbed, she could not help but chuckled on her, eating anything and everything at any time.
"I can see how pregnancy had changed you Em. Where is the fitness freak Emily who couldn't eat anything without checking out the calories in any food she ate?" She cheekily said and giggled on seeing her grimacing.
The next moment, Emily shrugged as if it was no big deal for her while taking a seat beside her on the couch. "Oh, baby girl! I would love to see how you would deal with your pregnancy….. eating like a pig all the time, just like me."
Anna sat there dumbfounded while the words sank in her mind. The smile on her face faded as she registered them and shook her head. "Maybe I am not that lucky to ever experience this feeling. So, let's not talk about it." She faked a smile as if she was least affected by what she heard and said. "Why are you here at this hour? Its late and you should have been resting."
Emily understood how she tried to cut off the topic but she was in no mood to drop it. "Why Anna? Why can't you have the happiness that I am experiencing? I know how much you love children and I can bet that you would be the best mother in the world."
"Em please. Cut it off. You know the reason well and I don't want to discuss about it." Anna stood abruptly to leave the place not wanting to continue the conversation but was stopped by Emily who held her wrist.
"Ashton is dead Anna." She retorted while Anna stiffened on hearing it loud. "But you are still alive. I know how you have denied to move on in all these years but till when you are going to ruin your life like this. You have every right to move on, live your life and have all the happiness that you deserve."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned around freeing her wrist from her grasp.
"He is dead but still alive in my memories. How can I move on when I can't imagine a day without him being a part of it? I deserve all the happiness of the world but I lost it when he….. He was my only happiness. He promised to give me a family with all the happiness of the world but he is no more to fulfill them and I don't intend to have those so called happiness anymore."
She stepped ahead to move on but stopped dead in her track when Emily's words strucked her like lightening not expecting to hear them.
"What about Regan then?"
"What he has to do in all of this? I don't know why are you dragging him in this?" She asked bitterly.
"Maybe you know the reason really well baby girl."
"It's too late and I want to rest. Good night Em."
"I thought I would have to make you understand what I meant but I guess you already know the meaning behind my words. You understand everything Anna, don't you?"
Anna looked down not able to bear her piercing gaze.
"Is it so difficult for you to see or realize that he likes you or you just don't want to accept it?"
Her words shocked her. They were bare, loud and clear to hear and understand. The mere thought of him liking her more than a friend... She was yet not ready to admit or accept it.
"I don't know what you are speaking. Yes, he might like me but not in the way you are suggesting. We are friends and so....."
Emily stood up to face her. "If you think he likes you just as a friend, then you are highly mistaken. Maybe you are too oblivious to see the way he looks at you Anna. Maybe you haven't noticed how special you are for him. He adores you, cares for you. He makes you happy baby girl. Maybe you haven't noticed how often you smile in his presence. He has brought a little of our old Anna back who was a vivacious and happy girl. And believe me..."
"Em please. You know I don't like to talk about such things. And about him... Yes he does. He makes me happy because maybe be he..... he is the only friend that I have in the longest period of time and..." She trailed on not getting the appropriate words to describe their relation. She herself was shocked to realize it.
Emily could see how bemused she was....with everything going with Regan. She gently took her hands in hers and said, "Don't you like him too Anna?"
Her lips parted almost immediately to deny when Emily stopped her again.
"Don't deny until you are sure about it because you can lie to me but not to yourself. Think about it and accept the truth. He can give you the happiness that you deserve. Give him a chance."
"I like him but only as a friend Emily. And about the happiness you are talking about... no one can give me that except my Ashton. Not because he can't. It's because I don't want to. Neither him nor anyone else can take Ashton's place in my life. I don't know how these ridiculous things came into your mind, but now as you have mentioned them... I think I need to stop right here and now because I don't want you or anyone else to live with false hopes. Not even Regan."
"But Anna..."
"If required, I'll stop him too to move further as he won't get anything except disappointment from me."
She walked out of the study with a stunned Emily still processing her words. She had come to the study to take a book to read as she couldn't sleep. When she spotted Anna, she wanted to have a casual talk with her, but everything went wrong. She didn't know if she had done the right thing to talk about Regan and somewhat disclosing his feelings to her in such a way. It slipped from her mouth and she didn't want to get back on her words which were nothing but the truth. However, she was taken off-guard by Anna's reaction as she didn't want her to close off from Regan.
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As soon as Anna reached her room, she slumped down leaning on the door with teary eyes, having Emily's words ringing in her mind. She hid her face in her hands.
"You are not supposed to like me Regan. I am no good for you. I thought.....the things that I could see in your eyes were my imagination but after what Emily has said... I can't... I can't have you around me. If there's a little bit of truth in what I feel and in Emily's words, then it's better that I part my ways with you. I can give you nothing and you have to understand this for your own good. I can never forget Ashton... can never move on because I only love him."