Day 14

When I walk in, Kyle looks at me intensely. "I give you permission, Renata" he replies solemnly.

I close his door and hand him his 13th Birthday card. "Permission for what?"

"To date or even marry my lil' bro if it comes to that," Kyle replies, then he puts his hands up in the air. "I know the attraction isn't mutual right now, but I'm just telling you now. My lil' bro has never looked at any girl the way he looks at you."

"He looks at me like he's got something stuck in his teeth," was my answer. "And as for your permission...I don't need your permission to date your brother."

I sit in my usual spot near his bed as I add, "In fact, just because you assume I need your permission I think I will date January. Just so we can do the nasty on top of your grave for being such a nuisance in both of our lives."

"Oh, and what if I get cremated?" asked Kyle with a raised brow.

"Then, on top of your ashes. Which is even better when you think about it. We can do the nasty indoors then." Kyle narrowed his dark brown eyes at me.

"So, you do like him?" he asked me.

"Not really. Even though he looks like he could be your nerdy twin, I know you're both so different." I clasp my hands together and look away from him. "I also know he cares about you even though he doesn't show it. He came here at the hospice center after all, right?"

Kyle shrugged with a look of indifference. "Sure, January came to the Hospice center. Knowing how he is though, he probably came to see if I really was fading away as the doctors predicted."

"Do you really think so little of him?"

"Yes, I do Renata. Make no mistake there's a reason my mom named him January and it's because he was the first AI in his set."

"He's not an AI," I tell him. "Clone maybe, but not an AI. He acts a bit robotic."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you do everything your parents say. You become an adult as a child. It's delightful for teachers but my lil' bro has no friends because of how he is so focused on the plan my parents set up for him." Kyle looked away from me as he said, "We used to play together all of the time. I wouldn't believe it myself if my parents didn't document every moment of our lives. Then, when he was in third grade, that's when the distancing started. I was making friends as a fifth grader and getting into fights every night with mom and dad. While he was the dutiful son who studied hard like our mom wanted and listened to the rules that dad laid down." Kyle shook his head and added solemnly, "I wished so hard back then that he would rebel. I told him too, but good lil' bro was against that idea. So I found my escape in friendships I made as well as the arts and lil' bro imprisoned himself in a cell made of textbooks."

"Ew, textbooks? What a nightmare," I reply. "Is that why your parents don't visit you? Because they've sort of...it sounds weird to say..."

Kyle looked back at me and gives me a wry smile. "It's okay Renata, you can say it."

"Given up on you?" I whisper.

"Yes, I was their failed experiment. No matter how many educational games they put in my hands, textbooks they laid around the house, or museum trips we went on I disregarded them all...well, mostly all." Kyle's eyes widen with a twinkle as he thinks back. "The best part of taking museum trips during vacation was art. Art created by civilizations long gone or just colorful horrendous looking art. The more chaotic the better."

"Any art in particular that stayed with you?"

"Yes. When I was eight, my family traveled to Mexico City. We went to every museum we could for the two weeks there, but one painting I loved was more like, a huge wall mural. The colors were so chaotic and the illustrations so gruesome that my lil' bro ran away from the painting and my mom chased after him." Kyle smirked as he said, "Not me, though. I took it all in, and when I looked away from the painting and at my dad instead, he looked at me like I was a defect gone wrong."

I cocked my head to the side before asking him, "What did the painting illustrate?"

"Death."

I wanted to steer the conversation away from that term, so I let the word sink in for a moment. Before saying, "Talking about death on your 13th birthday. For shame, Kyle, for shame."

"It's what's coming,"

"For us all. Now, read your card you brat!" I said admonishingly.

"Okay," Kyle replied. He opened the card and read, "Thirteen and Thriving...make new friends and explore what life has waiting for you." He closes the card, and smiles at me. "Tell me how you really thought I was when I was thirteen."

"Much like you are now. Full of himself and bratty," I replied. He sighed as he looked again at the front of the card. I drew shooting stars and my attempt, from pictures I found online, of the Aurora Borealis.

He pointed at the Aurora and asked me, "Have you ever seen one?"

"No, but I know it's a phenomenon from up North so...there's no chance seeing them where we are on the East Coast."

"Actually, it depends on how big the solar flare is. And with the North Pole moving slightly every year, maybe we'll be able to see it from Virginia more in the future." Kyle shrugs as he adds, "And it's really not all it's cracked up to be. When my family took an Aurora tour in Alaska, we were standing outside at minus twenty degrees Fahrenheit holding cups of hot cocoa to keep our hands warm. When we did see them, we were amazed, but that amazement quickly faded because after seeing the Aurora we didn't feel different. Our tour guide was talking about how we'd feel the tingles under the Aurora Borealis, but we felt nothing but time slip by and cold we were unaccustomed to."

"Still sounding like a brat," I replied. "Kyle, it sounds like your parents wanted to show you the world because they wanted you to think of more than just yourself."

"It worked to some degree," he said. "I was one of the best actors because I heard different accents from every place we went. It was easy to slip into character for me. My theatre director told me he even saw me going pro. If only that would've pleased my parents, but nooo. Only if I was destined for a life behind a desk or at a podium would they be truly satisfied."

Placing his birthday card on the table he asked me, "Does your mom put undue pressure on yourself?"

"No. Her idea of undue pressure is to get me to do the laundry or else. She even told me that as long as I'm passing my classes, she's okay with that."

"I'm sooooooo jealous! Can your mom adopt me too?"

"No. She's a one kid woman. Sorry." After I stayed there for a few more minutes, I left Kyle's room. Kyle didn't understand I could never feel the same way for his brother as I felt about him. For me that was impossible.