Day 41

"You are helping your child Harley with their first broken heart. So, you spend your birthday at McDonald's where you and Harley drown your sorrows in Big Macs and McFlurries." Kyle laughed as he closed his birthday card. His smile was so captivating, my heart skipped a beat. "Well, I sound like a good dad."

January frowned as he said to me, "Certainly not something our dad would've done."

"Oh? What would have your dad done?" I asked both brothers.

"He would have said some weird ass Chinese proverb and then pat our backs and tell us to get back to our studies," said Kyle.

"Actually yes, my brother isn't speaking dramatically for once," answered back January. Kyle narrowed his eyes at January for a moment before focusing on me.

"Those Chinese proverbs don't even make sense. Like, Fear is the heart of love. I mean, really?!" Kyle huffed while I started laughing.

January narrowed his eyes at me, and my laughter died. "Don't encourage him, Renata. If you do, he'll go on his rant of how Chinese proverbs are just as useless as having pride in your cultural roots."

"I wasn't going to rant, January," said Kyle calmly. "Who's the dramatic one, now?"

I look at January as I told him, "It's funny that you talk about cultural roots." I gesture to myself as I say, "I'm clearly Hispanic but I've never felt Hispanic. Only because my mom, the person I got Hispanic roots from, decided to uproot herself from my life. My mom, the one who adopted me, is white. I feel closer to her than any Hispanic community I've come across because she loves me, and I know it as sure as I know my skin is tan."

January cleared his throat in the awkward silence that followed. "Renata, unlike you, my brother doesn't have the excuse of abandonment...."

"EX-CUSE ME?" roared Kyle. He waved his arms at his surroundings. "What do you call this January?! Not one visit, not one. So what, I'm supposed to have some pride in my cultural roots so when I die I am at least comforted in the fact that despite both of our parents being assholes, that at least I'm Asian-American?! Do you think it's going to matter who we are or where we came from when we die? FUCK THAT!"

"Just because you weren't responsive to our parents teachings growing up doesn't mean they're bad parents," replied January. "They're dealing with this situation in their own way and--"

"Oh, so I'm a situation now," said Kyle softly. He didn't have to yell at his brother this time for his words to hit home.

Kyle gave January a wry smile for a moment. "January, promise me that if you ever become a father that you never call your child a situation."

"Kyle, I don't plan on having children for a long..."

"PROMISE MEH!" Kyle's gutteral shout made me curse under my breath.

"I promise," croaked out January. "No child of mine..." January glanced at me before adding, "Adopted or not, will never be called a situation."

"Good," Kyle and I said at the same time.