Almost

Hikaru

It was another one of those shitty cold days.

The kind of days where the wind blew and whistled in his ears in low, long groans. It left behind a high pitched ringing in his ears. A reminder of the damage that the loud sounds could cause to his ageing eardrums.

The wailing winds were, however, not as loud as the voice of his father through the speakers of his phone.

"Hikaru-kun!"

His father spoke in their native Japanese tongue with that particular honorific attached to his name. It was a stinging reminder of his age, of how he was still young and naive. A reminder that he had to listen. That he had to pay respect. That he was still obliged to listen to his father like a small child.

"Just do this for me, try it out once."

"Dad, are you kidding me?" Hikaru sighed, raising his voice so that he could be heard over the sound of the wind.

He spluttered as droplets of rain entered his mouth and landed on his tongue. His mind drifted to the videos of the effects of acid rain on the human body. His face scrunched together into a wince as a morbid thought of his melting tongue flashed through his mind.

His melting, corroding tongue.

"Hikaru, it's just a matchmaking agency for the people without soulmates!" His father said, sounding a little exasperated. "It's very credible and safe, I promise that there won't be any repercussions on your reputation." His father continued, pleading for Hikaru to listen to him.

Goddamnit. Hikaru pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his emotions together. He did not want this. Did not want to find love in the widowed, did not want to find love from those like him. What he wanted was that girl in the restaurant—

He stopped himself before his mind could continue, stopped himself before his creativity could flourish and his thoughts could spread. Thoughts that would surge through his body and jolt his flaccid cock alive, turning it into a sticky mess of precum for hours on end.

He'd had to deal with that for more than a month now and with each passing day, he prayed for his body to forget her. For his mind to forget her like how he forgot the hundreds of faces he saw each day.

For now, he would have to try not to think about her.

Keyword? Try.

"It's not my reputation that I'm worried about," Hikaru replied, shaking his head. His brows furrowed as he stomped his way across the street and against the roaring wind. "I'm just not interested!" He exclaimed, pressing his lips together into a thin angry line. "If I'm not meant for a soulmate in this world then so be it!"

The last bit came out in a snappish tone and Hikaru faltered feeling a little guilty for taking out his anger on his father. His father loved him and cared for him. He wanted him to be free from the chains that bound him away from pure happiness.

It wasn't his father's fault that he was in this predicament. It was just the way the stars of his fate were aligned. It was simply just the way the world worked like how the sky was blue and the leaves were green.

He was past the point of caring about soulmates anymore. The pain that had once crippled his entire being was now a dull thrum. That pain that had felt as if his heart had been gouged out from his chest, had turned into soft unnoticeable aches, like a deep muscle strain.

"Hikaru...Your mother would have wanted you to experience love," his father said softly, his voice trailing off at the thoughts of his own soulmate who had passed before her time.

The sadness that clung to his father's voice was like a poison that spread and infected Hikaru even through the barrier of his phone. His lips twitched at the mention of his mother. It pulled a nerve and drew too many different feelings from the well of his concealed heart. It pulled open the lid of his heart and allowed for the stock within to bubble and froth, spilling over the edges.

The memory of his childhood surged through his mind along with a sour tinge at the back of his throat. He thought of those brighter sunnier times when his mother would make okonomiyaki (お好み焼き). Absolutely delicious Japanese pancakes that consisted of a mixture of flour, eggs, cabbage, and meat, topped off with sweet and salty condiments.

Hikaru truly believed her when she said that she was a magician who could turn a tree trunk into tiny moving fish.

He remembered shrieking in delight when she shaved bonito flakes from a long piece of dried, fermented skipjack tuna. The tuna to his childish mind looked just like the bark from the tree. And the thin flakes that danced in the wind seemed alive to his innocent eyes.

For a while, he boasted to everyone that his mother was a magician, the best magician in the world.

"Mama wouldn't want me to marry someone I don't love," Hikaru answered stiffly, shivering a little as a drought of air swept between his legs.

It was cold, way too cold and his large body took up way too much space, acting as a huge barrier against the winds. Maybe he should walk sideways like a crab. That would ensure a streamlined body shape and then he would be able to cut through the wind quickly.

He laughed out loud at his stupid thought. He should tell MinJae. Maybe his junior would finally crack a real smile after months of those fake grins that did not reach his eyes.

"Hikaru." His father's voice was soft, deep and condescending. "I am not asking you to marry someone. It's just a meeting."

Not when the meeting involved traumatizing his mind. Hikaru rolled his eyes, scrunching his nose at the thought.

The smell of good spicy broth and roasting meat caught his attention and drew his mind away from the conversation. He sniffed, letting the delicious scent enter his lungs. His salivary glands activated leading to the sudden intense production of saliva and he swallowed quickly to keep from drooling. The monster within his stomach grumbled in protest for food and the ache pushed his feet to follow his nose towards the smell.

All this arguing was making him hungry.

"I've gone through so many of them! How many girls have you tried to match me with, Dad?" Hikaru sighed as he strode towards the smell.

His tone remained annoyed and low, but inside he felt a lot better at the prospect of food. The thought of something warm to coax his tensed and angry body into relaxation made him perk up just a little.

Hikaru sighed. "Thirty? And each girl was only interested in either my fame or my money." And his face, probably his body. He gagged at the thought.

Some had seen him as a prostitute even offering to back up his idol endeavours with money as long as he warmed their beds. One even wanted him to put his pee in bags for her to do God knows what with it.

He left that fact out from his father.

"I'm sure you'll find someone better. I know you will." His father's voice cracked a little, thick with his emotions. "It's just that I promised your mother that you'd be happy."

His mother. Hikaru's eyes narrowed.

She would have wanted to see him with a girl. She would have wanted to see a child in his arms, maybe three for her to love and dote on. It was, after all, her who had implanted the idea of someone to love into him.

She would tell him those stupid sayings that Asian mothers would say. Words like if he didn't finish his rice his soulmate would have pimples on her face. Or each shake of his leg would result in him losing his and his soulmate's money in the future.

It was her that had made him promise to love his soulmate and place her before himself. The world just did not want Hikaru to fulfil that promise. He would die an unfilial son. That was that.

"I am! I am happy!" His mind drifted to thoughts of his team and their laughter and smiles. "My best friends are amazing!" He protested, his eyes spotting the rows of tents.

The short stretch of orange and blue-striped plastic was bright in the dreary night. They stood like beacons of light to a backdrop of dull coloured buildings. He peered through the see-through plastic windows noting the emptiness. There were just one or two customers in the place and he could see the murky outlines of their figures seated on the plastic tables.

Perfect for someone as famous as him.

"You're not happy Hikaru. You're not! You avoid home whenever you can. I know that you're having a holiday right now and you didn't even come home to visit!" His father raised his voice and Hikaru could almost picture the man wagging his finger.

Almost.