Forever

"Then don't press your cock to her ass!" Oliver, she was pretty sure it was Oliver at this point, rebutted back.

There was an embarrassed pause from her cuddle buddy and then his legs untwisted from hers, pulling back to give her more space. The heat of his length disappeared from its spot at her ass. She found her body itching to push back again, move her ass to rub against his penis but she stiffened, resisting the urge, a hot blush on her cheeks. Damn it.

"And get up," Oliver growled. "You need to help me distract them."

There was a muffled, softer hum of words that Amber strained to hear from Oliver. A series of low lilting tones in Korean that she couldn't quite catch. Dialect? Maybe. There were a couple of dialects in Korea that she didn't know of.

"Mm, alright," the guy cuddling with her replied in English.

The voice was familiar to her ears when his lips spun over the words, melodic and natural. She felt another phantom press of soft pressure against her hair and the sound of deep inhales before he left.

What ensued was a rush of emptiness that she could only describe as a deep empty sorrow. And she shivered a little from the cold having been so long in his warmth that her chest stung from the loss.

She felt the brush of his fingers over her hair, a tug of the comforters that he moved to wrap over her shoulders. He was tucking her into bed. She realised, her heart pounding in her chest at the sweetness of his actions. She kept her breath steady, closing her eyes as awareness trembled through her at the feeling of eyes on her body.

"She's beautiful isn't she? Casper," Oliver hummed from above and her mind spun at his words. Casper. Casper. Casper.

She was struck by a rush of excitement and adrenaline, a feeling she had long forgotten over time. They'd all been her idol before her soulmate. And while she repressed the urge to fangirl in their face, the first meeting was always mind-blowing for her. Her heart was always racing in her chest at the thought of meeting the artist of the artworks she admired.

Casper was the last piece of the puzzle she'd been desperately trying to piece together and he had been spooning her. She flushed, trying desperately to still her movements even though her heart pounded in her chest. It was running so fast and beating so hard that she was sure they could see her pulse racing in the large veins of her neck. Sure that they could see the flush of her cheeks, reddening at the idea of the two of them staring at her.

"Mmm, so beautiful," Casper agreed easily in her native tongue and her chest blossomed with thousands of flowers.

She flushed at his praise, her body tingling with their gaze. It took her everything to remain still, to keep her breathing even and regulated. The silence was heart pounding as she waited for them to go.

The footsteps were soft when they left, they creeped out of the room on the balls of their feet to avoid waking her up. She heard the click of the door and she sat upright to glance at her surroundings.

She was in a room meant for two.

Her gaze darted to the adjacent bed. The decor on the other side of the room was very different as compared to the side that she slept in. The room was nice, homely with decor that made her brows furrow. The abstract self-portrait at the other side of the room for one, and the oddly ginormous Bluetooth speaker on her side.

Her gaze flickered across the shelves and she spotted the image of JieMi's mother, Da-Hee, smiling with a man that looked too much like JieMi for her comfort. Her nails dug into the duvet. The scent of pear and vanilla wafting from the sheets. JieMi's scent. Her breath hitched.

She was in his bed.

He had brought her to his home. The dormitory, no doubt.

Holy shit.

She inhaled sharply, biting her lips nervously. She couldn't remember what had happened after she had exploded in his face. She flushed, embarrassed at her reaction to him.

She'd been vicious, attacking him with whatever she had. Amber had channelled the poison that Ezra had sent her way at JieMi, taking out her anger on him like a hot-headed asshole.

She blushed, scratching her cheeks feeling embarrassed. She'd been taught not to do that since a young age and Amber hated taking out her anger on others. She hated dealing with angry people who lashed out at others simply because they had a bad day.

Her mind drifted to memories of her school teacher, yelling at her for something she didn't do. Of her father when she was a child, a bad day at work had sent him screaming. Her 'friends' tearing her worksheets, scribbling over her paper simply because they were angry at the world. She hated it.

She was becoming the person she hated the most.

Urgh.

She inhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of her nose. She shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have screamed at JieMi like that but that didn't mean it hadn't felt good to get all those words out of her head. She dropped her hands, staring blankly at the comforters.

She'd wanted to say those words for so long, had recited them in her head in the shower. She was prepared, too prepared. She swallowed thickly, settling back into the bed. She believed that saying all those words would bring peace to her heart. But after letting that speech spill from her lips. Was she really any happier?

She sighed, nibbling on her lips. Her mind flashing with images of JieMi's guilt-stricken face. The pain in his expression had brought her glee and joy in that moment, but now?

She felt like an asshole and her heart squeezed painfully at the memory reminding her of her childish attitude. She pressed a hand to her face, her lips trembling at the thought. She'd been selfish. Too selfish and JieMi did nothing wrong.

It was his only life, his choices, his happiness even if it made her chest hurt and sting. Who was she to critique him?

Sure, society taught them from a young age that soulmates were forever. Sure, she had expected her soulmates to be hers by default. Just as how one would assume that the country one was born in would never throw them away. Just as how one would assume that one's biological family would love and accept them despite their mistakes.

They should be together, based on genetics and souls. They were structured to love each other and it had been proven over the entire damn history of humanity that soulmates were the happiest together. That they belonged with one another and time apart only brought greater pain and longing.

She stopped herself before she continued. Excuses. She sniffed, her throat sour with her tears. All excuses. In this new age where the freedom of speech and choice was so greatly coveted, JieMi had every right to choose.

There had been people who had chosen others over their soulmates, there were cases where they just couldn't live with one another. Polar opposites with varying lifestyles. A tribal ranger and a city dweller.

Were they happy without one another? That was never specified in the media but such arrangements were never unheard of. Just as how a country could ostracise their citizens such that they didn't feel at home, a family could kill their daughters over their sons. It wasn't unheard of.

Life was 'fun' like that, unpredictable and unfair.

JieMi had simply chosen someone better than her. Someone with more wealth, more fame, more talent. Someone who probably understood him more than she did as an idol and as a person. Someone who he loved. He had chosen someone better for himself and who was she to be angry over that?

She didn't deserve him or them. Her smile was bitter as she thought. She had a total of seven soulmates. More than enough love to go around. In fact, some might even call her a whore for needing so many souls. Her expression fell as her mind drifted to the crazy fans at the concert. The echo of the voice of that girl.

You don't deserve to fucking cry, you whore.

Tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. Her body tingled with the memory of that nightmare of the shadows, the screaming flowers, the golden tears. She would never be good enough for them. Never give them the common family unit that people dreamed of.

They didn't dream of her arrangements that was for sure.

She scoffed, shaking her head. A slutty fucking gangbang. Her smile was grim as she thought. Who would agree to that? She would be their liability, their regret. Their hatred against the world. She was a mistake and while the love in their eyes shone strongly for her at this current moment. Just as Hikaru had spelled out clearly, they were all hoping for a concept.

A concept involving a family of two and a bunch of kids in a nice picket fence house in the suburbs of the city. A wife to hold. Someone who would love one person and only one person, them.

They didn't dream of a reverse harem. They wanted monogamy. Not sharing a fucking slut. Amber's face crumbled. She was a mistake and once they realised that fact, they would reject her. They would. They would and there was nothing she could do. Her smile was bitter as she confronted her fears.

She had tried to drag it out, avoiding the questions. Went to each boy and played with their feelings, falling in love with them without revealing the truth. But no matter how long she tried to make the secrets last, they would leave one after the other.

Just like how Ezra had left, a tear trickled down her cheeks as she held herself. If she didn't tell them the truth, that they were soulmates, they would leave on their own, one after the other. Her throat burned with tears. And if she told them the truth, that they had to share, they might leave for good. She might eventually be left with nothing. She might be alone.

Forever.