Chapter 5: Get Out!

Ēn Chén opened the door to the flat and pulled a foot out of each shoe by using the toe to pull it up off and then flip it towards the shoe rack. They never landed neatly, but it didn't matter they would end up that way, eventually. He slid his feet into his slippers and paused, noticing the neatly put-away shoes covered in grass and the tiniest bit of mud. Sure enough, in the little rack on the other side, Zhēng Yù's slippers were gone.

'He came back.'

'He's here.' Ēn Chén's heart thumped crazily in his chest and he willed it to calm the heck down so he could hear without the steady noise in the back of his ears.

He tucked a hand into the pocket of his navy blue slacks and walked over to the door, his suit jacket thrown over his left arm as usual. He loosened his light blue tie and cleared his throat softly. Before raising a knuckle, to knock on the door.

"Go away Ēn Chén." Zhēng Yù snapped from behind the closed door.

Ēn Chén stood staring at the door, willing his feet to turn away. He couldn't. He stood there like a piece of the wall.

He heard some shuffling around and then an enormous noise and the door vibrated from the force of whatever had hit it. Ēn Chén jumped backward as the sound rang through his ears. Echoing through his body like it was out with a vengeance to get him.

"I said leave!" Zhēng Yù snapped. His voice broke, and Ēn Chén winced visibly at the pain and anger he felt and heard.

'I'm sorry Zhēng Yù, I…'

Something smashed against the door, and he heard it shatter.

"Fuck… ow, god dang it!" Zhēng Yù swore, and Ēn Chén's heart wrenched in two as he heard it. But it was the soft sob that followed it that settled Ēn Chén's heart and helped him make his decision.

Ēn Chén grabbed the nob and twisted it. It was locked, just like he thought. But they had lived here together for four years and if there was one thing he knew inside and out, almost as good as Zhēng Yù, it was this house. He lifted the door slightly and pushed on the middle of the handle hard. The lock gave way, and the door pushed open.

Ēn Chén's mouth dropped. Zhēng Yù's normally seamlessly perfect room looked like someone else had been living there and had gone through all his stuff. Zhēng Yù was sitting on the floor on his knees with his legs at an odd angle splayed across the wooden floor, looking almost broken beneath him.

It was one of Zhēng Yù's favorite ways to sit, and hella awkward for anyone else. He was pretty sure Zhēng Yù was the only one in the world who sat that way. (use this for a later scene where someone sits that way and it reminds him of Zhēng Yù)

In front of Zhēng Yù was his biggest bag, stuffed full of stuff. None of it neatly, like how he normally would have. And beside it on top of it and inside the bag, was shattered glass, it went from the door to the bag and everywhere else.

Zhēng Yù clasped his hand to his stomach.

"You're hurt! Let me see." Ēn Chén demanded, worried, he stepped across the glass, his slippers crunching on it. The wreck of a photo frame sat discarded beside the door and he didn't even have to look to know that the frame's attached vase was also broken and that Zhēng Yù's high school corsage would be next to it. The one he had given him when they went together.

"Get out!" Zhēng Yù snapped.

Ēn Chén swiped away the glass with his slipper, then knelt on the newly cleared spot, carefully, just in case some hadn't been cleaned off. Then he reached out and pulled Zhēng Yù's hand towards him. Zhēng Yù wouldn't stop covering the hand up with his other one. Which was fine, Ēn Chén already felt infinitely better now that he was holding his hands and could see them better.

"I am a doctor, are you an idiot? Do you think I can leave anyone that is hurt, especially you?" Ēn Chén snapped back just as forcefully. He pulled Zhēng Yù's top hand off to see the large gash in his hand. It was bleeding, but luckily not deep enough to have cut an artery open so that he would need it stitched up.

"You're an idiot. You think that smashing things is going to do anything, you're twenty Zhēng Yù, not a baby, don't throw a tantrum." He scolded, as he reached into his briefcase and grabbed the small first aid kit he always had on him.

Zhēng Yù ripped his hand out from Ēn Chén's grasp and Ēn Chén looked up, surprised.

But it was the feeling of the wet blood slapping across his cheek that shook him, and knocked his senses flat. He stared into Zhēng Yù's bright blue eyes.

Zhēng Yù was crying, and he was pretty sure the tears were from more than the pain of his stupid decision to hit him with his injured hand.

Before he could respond, Zhēng Yù had grabbed him by his tie and leaned forward, only a few inches away from Ēn Chén's lips.

Ēn Chén gulped and his head flashed back to the last semester of their first year in high school, where Ēn Chén had stupidly agreed to teach Zhēng Yù how to kiss. Since he had already done it and Zhēng Yù hadn't.

Ēn Chén closed his eyes but moved back a little. It wasn't far enough to stop his heart from betraying him and thumping so hard he was absolutely sure he had extremely good circulation in his body. There was the soft feeling of Zhēng Yù's lips hitting his cheek that made his eyes flutter back open, and when Zhēng Yù pulled away, his face and lips were now smeared in his own blood.

"Goodbye Ēn Chén." He then placed both hands on the ground, shoved off, stood up, slammed his case closed, glass still inside, and then turned it onto its wheels and walked out the open door.

He slipped on his shoes, opened the front door, and stopped a moment to stare at Ēn Chén, he hadn't budged from the spot, and he was still even holding the rubbing alcohol pad in his hand.

Tears streamed down his face and created small lines through the blood.

The door slammed shut, and it echoed through the house, through his heart, and through his mind.

Ēn Chén looked around him in the silence, and only then did he let go of the pain and let the tears come.

'God, what have I done?'

He pulled himself up, gathering up his body along with his misery, and plodded over to the corner. He removed the picture from the mess and wiped off the broken glass before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

It didn't shut, of course. He hadn't unlocked it yet, but that was okay, he didn't want that door closed from him, anyway. Instead, he walked into his room and plopped on the bed.

He went to throw his jacket and bag on his bed like how he always did when he realized he had left them on the floor in Zhēng Yù's room.

He looked out the door across the living room to where Zhēng Yù's door had bounced back and was now slightly open. The mess inside felt like a reflection of his soul, and the nice fancy things Emily had bought him sat in the middle of it all, like a reminder of just how shattered his world had become since he had added her to it.

And the grief he tried to hold back came with those thoughts.

"I'm sorry Zhēng Yù… I know it makes little difference, but I am so sorry. I still want to hug you and hold you. Tell you how sorry I am. I'm so sorry."

He lifted his hands to his face and sobbed into them, letting the grief pour out of him, like a heavy rain.

It wouldn't quench anything, it wouldn't heal the large wound in his heart he had inflicted upon himself. But he couldn't even stop the tears if he tried.