The Voice In Her Head

The Imperial court.

Qing Bohai was breathing heavily as he stood before the Emperor.

Jianguo sat by the side, he was truly immesered in what he was doing.

Ju-Long looked up, "Yes you can visit your daughter!"

Your daughter,

My daughter.

I can finally visit her, really?

He bowed and left, going straight to the Eastern palace. By the time he arrived the Empress dowager and Princess had left.

"The Right Prime Minister is here." The door maid announced.

Xiaofan stiffened. How will I address the old man? I had tried my best not to have a tongue slip with the dowager and Princess around, now I have to face him? Just how many more of them am I going to entertain?

"Xiuying," his voice croaked. There was tears in his eyes threatening to fall. "Xiuying my child," the old man patted her two joined hands. "My child," he was sobbing now.

He had walked straight to her when he entered.

She's still my child, even if she's the Empress she has gone through so much in these past years. He knew the dirty life of the court chiefs, consorts always being against the Empress. The Princesses fights. Even the Princes fought amongst themselves.

So how could he dream of his child being happy? How could he dream of the Emperor ever loving her back. He knew his child wasn't safe but still decided to let her marry into the Royal family. He knew she wouldn't have happiness and joy as she wished but he still allowed her take the step.

He and his wife knows the reason they allowed her marry the Emperor. He believes he is the root of his daughter's suffering, but what could he do to alleviate them? "Xiuying," he can no longer hug her as his little girl but he could still tell her how much she means to him. He tried to form a sentence but the instant he opened his mouth, the only thing he could say was her name. What kind of a worthless father have I become? She doesn't complain but he knows better.

His tears dropped.

Xiaofan watched him as he continued to call out to his daughter. She was dumbstruck at first but watching him made her want to cry too, she had never known fatherly love. Only her mother was there for her. Is this how nice all fathers are? It's apparent in his face that he loves and cares for his child deeply. She remembered reading that Xiuying father had married another woman but never neglected her(Xiuying) and her mother. Can all men be like this?

Her mother was her only pillar!

Mother, where, what and how are you doing right now? I'm the worst child on earth! To abandon her lonely mother and expect to be happy. Mother...

Her own tears started dropping.

The head maid heard all the sobbing and decided not to go in.

"Xiuying, just say the word, say you want to leave with me! The Emperor doesn't want anything to do with you, believe me he will let you go without thinking it through! You're the only problem he has and once you're out of his life, he'd be the happiest person. You said you love him right? Then give him his happiness, which is you evacuating your position as the Empress. It would..."

"NO!"

The man shut it instantly.

Xiaofan looked away. Where had that voice come from? She wasn't the one that said it! Is it her? Xiuying?

"I'm... I'm sorry father." She pulled her hand out of the man's hold.

I won't leave him! Xiaofan please do not agree! A voice said to her. That voice, is that you?

Yes.

"Father, I won't leave the palace nor evacuate my position as the Empress!" She turned her back to him.

"Alright... Alright. Now tell me, are you OK? Do you still need medical attention? Are you eating well my child? If you're tired of keeping everything in, make sure you send for me and your mother. We will gladly take you back... What am I even saying? Child, I just want you to be happy..." He turned her around to face him again. How could he allow her to be angry at him? She doesn't want to leave the palace because of the man she carried torch for all these years. She was just five when he told her that she was betrothed to the Crown Prince, she had never wanted to learn but after finding out who she was going to marry she started studying. Learning embroidery, and how to make infant clothing. She became the most obedient. How could she possibly agree to leave him? Evacuate her position? How could she possibly bear to be so far away from him?

Xiaofan had her head bowed and sobbing, even she didn't know why she was crying.

*

It took her some time to calm down as she helped herself to the tea. She also poured some for Xiuying's father.

*

"Right Prime Minister's wife has arrived!"

What? Her mother as well? I'm going to be doomed soon enough when they all find out I'm an imposter! Yes, I'm an imposter.

Two noble women came in. She was in a trance as she didn't greet nor welcome them.

Xiurong used her eyes to communicate with the her husband.

"Ah Xiu?" Zhenzhen called out.

"Yes," Xiaofan returned to her senses.

Zhenzhen: "Ah Xiu, how have you been my child?"

Yes, Zhenzhen cared about Xiuying in a great way that would make you question if truly she was her step mother.

"..." Xiaofan had wanted to reply but somehow she couldn't. Her lips were patted but she couldn't move them. Something slipped out of her, she stood behind the two women but she was still sitting. Xiuying?

The person sitting looked up at her, It's truly her? That means she can finally return to her body and she Xiaofan can finally leave this world?

Her eyes sparkled with excitement. She sat down and watched Xiuying interact with her mom and step mom. She would wipe her tears occasionally and smile. She was holding herself back.

'Mother, are you doing good right now?' she asked herself.

'Oh lord, please protect my mother! Protect *him* as well.' she prayed to the heavens.