FIVE

Nicole. Nicole. I've not heard that name for a whole day, but even when mentioned it sent chills down my spine, or where my spine once was. Maybe because how that name was used to call me at the worst times of my life.

"So you are God."

"Yes," the man replied with a smile.

"Eh, can I ask you to show just a bit more evidence? I don't doubt you, I just want to-"

"-make sure you're really God and not just a potentially malicious entity," he finished with a smile.

I giggled a bit. "Well, that's one point up. Anything more though?"

"Yes of course, let's start right away. You're Nicole Tan, you live in Singapore, and you're born on December 8, 2001."

"Bingo," I replied, "carry on."

"Your favourite color is white, your cup size is A and you're somewhat clumsy."

"Yeah, that's true."

"Hold on, here comes the kicker. You're outcast from practically your whole school due to the lies of a single person you've accidentally offended, you're no longer able to defend yourself after constant repeated bullying for 2 years and your teachers don't seem to care, even going as far as to completely believe said bullies. Furthermore, your parents only want your results and cane you up if you didn't hit over a B grade, the severity depending on how badly you're below, mostly very heavily because you always have a subject with an F, you've been mercilessly caned on stage in front of your whole school when the principal got too angry, stopped hitting just your butt and moved on to beat you everywhere over your body while everyone watched and nobody even attempted to stop him during a public caning for something everyone conspired to frame you for, and during the night of that day which that occurred and before you woke up in a new world you've seriously and severely considered attempting suicide for the first time after musing with the idea over the past 2 years, managing to heavily cry your eyes out before fatigue supposedly took over and you fell into a deep sleep. By the way, you were so upset the remaining tendons in your heart after two years of constant heartbreak actually all snapped in one go, causing your heart to be unable to pump blood properly. You didn't fall asleep while crying due to tiredness, you actually died crying your heart out."4

"..."

I couldn't say anything as I looked at him in shock.

"You've never told anyone that you're getting increasingly suicidal, didn't you?"

My right hand grabbed onto my left shoulder as I began to feel depressed and started to slouch down. "No."

"As I've thought. Now, what I'm going to ask you would be difficult, but I need you to rethink about all the bad things that have happened to you over the last two years. Picture it strongly, please."

I hesitated for a moment.

"Trust me, I'm God."

"Alright."

As soon as I just turned the knob of my mental door, everything rushed out as said mental door burst open.

"You bumped into me on purpose, don't deny that!" "It was a genuine accident! I'm really sorry!" "An apology won't work for me, I hold all my grudges. I'm going to ruin your life for the next 4 years, don't you dare forget that!"

"What a piece of sh*t you are, get away from me." "Alr-AH! Why did you punc-" "I SAID GET AWAY! I"M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP NOW YOU LITTLE DIPSH*T!"+

"Nicole! How dare you copy Megan's homework!" "I really didn't! Maybe she copied mine!" "Liar! How dare you try to frame Megan! Go to the principal's office, NOW!"

"Here Nicole, time for a cold, refreshing shower, here comes the bucket!" "NO! LET ME GO! PLEASE!"

"WHERE ARE YOUR RESULTS, YOU USELESS SACK OF GARBAGE?!" I felt a big slap. "YOU'RE A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, MAYBE THIS CANING IS GOING TO WAKE YOU UP!"

"Miss, Nicole dropped the mallet! She dropped it so that it'll hit the principal so that he'll not meet her parents!" "That's not true at all! I'm nowhere near him whe-" "DON'T LIE YOUR WAY OUT! THE WHOLE CLASS SAW IT!"

"And so, the killer litter will be punished with a public caning as she's still unrepentant and insists she's not in the wrong. Students, I hope you'll never become anything like her in the future."

"Would you like to say a bit more before I start hitting you?" "I'm really not in the wrong, please belie-" "LIAR!" Smack, after smack, after smack. Immense pain. "THERE'S REALLY NO HOPE FOR YOU NOW, I'LL REALLY TEACH YOU A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET NOW!" Pushed out onto the ground. Turned around. The figure of the principal raising his long cane above me stayed for a split moment as I watched in horror before the massive onslaught of beatings on me.

"SOMEBODY! HELP! HELP! IT HURTS, IT HURTS!"

"You deserved it. Now get out of my school before I drag you out." "Pleas-" "GET OUT!" He grabbed my collar. As I was unceremoniously dragged across the school hall, I heard my whole class cheer and clap as hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

"HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO MURDER THE PRINCIPAL! HOW DID WE HAVE YOU AS A CHILD?! YOU NEED ANOTHER BEATING NOW!"

"I don't want to live anymore. Please, God, someone, take me away."

"Please."

"Please..."

"...ease..."

Coming out of the torture from my memories, I found myself lying sideways on the ground, curled into a ball, sobbing uncontrollably, a puddle of tears forming around my face. I feel a massive pain from my chest, pain of my sorrow, pain of betrayal.

Heartache.

I'm no longer a gem. I'm no longer the newborn, reborn Danburite made out of rock. No longer the one who accompanied Phos along to complete her encyclopedia.

I am now Nicole. The outcast, betrayed, framed girl who lost all hope in life.

God bent down and gently pulled me upright. He brought me into a huge embrace.

"There, there. Cry your heart out, my child. It's not good keeping everything within, so take this time now to dump everything out. It's all over, it's fine now, I'm here and I've heard you."

I accepted his embrace, and truly cried my heart out for the first time.

---------------------------

"So, are you feeling better now?"

"Much better. Thank you."

"Ah, don't mention it, you are all my children after all. You just really need my attention," God replied while letting me go from his hug. "Told you letting it all out makes it much better, right?"

"Yeah, I feel amazing." The major crying session has somehow managed to heal emotional damages that had been present ever since the early years of those two years started. I feel much lighter, much more carefree, much more confident.

"I've never felt this great before, perhaps since the day before I entered secondary school. I forgot how being truly free feels like."

"That's why I got you to pour everything out, this is the first step to permanently repairing every emotional damage those two years have done to you. Now, ask me any questions, I'll answer everything. Oh, before that, sit down cross-legged, spreading out your legs like that will become really uncomfortable after some time."

"Alright," I said as I adjusted my sitting posture.

"Great, now you may begin."

"Why bring me into this new world?"

"That's for you to take a break from your world, also to give you time to heal yourself before I give you the choice of returning back to where you came from or staying here."

"Wait, didn't you say I died?"

"I did. I also made it in such a way that I can fix all your heart tendons, get you up and running in perfect health and get you back with one snap of my fingers. You're only dead for literally a nanosecond, mind you."

"So you stopped time in that world?"

"You can put it that way, or you can think that everything still spins and goes on alongside this world, and when I return you I'll turn back time in that world and put you back in. Don't worry about your family, either way nothing will change."

"Nice. But why this world? Why this land of... the lustrous? This kingdom of gems?"1

God laughed.

"You'll find out as time goes on, my child. Any more questions?"

"Oh wait, just one more."

"What is it?"

"Well, why send me here? As in, why send me away from my original world to heal emotionally heal?"

God laughed again.

"You tell me, why are you going to be unable to heal in your world?"

"Oh." That question pretty much answered itself.

"I'll just add on, though you already know this," God said, "but the way I do things, I don't give them immediately; I let the people earn them for themselves. If someone wishes for money, do I magically give them a whole stack of gold bars, or do I give them an opportunity for them to get a job? If someone wants to become famous, do I snap my fingers and all of a sudden he's a celebrity? If someone wishes for herself to become happy again," God explained while looking into my eyes, "do I say 'poof' and make her feel better again, or do I help her by giving her the opportunity to heal herself while I intervene occasionally?" He finished with a smile.+

Yep, that was a prayer I did sometime during those tough times.

"Yeah, I fully understand now, thank you."

"It's my pleasure, child. Anything else?"

"Nope."

"As I thought. Alright, I'll see you again soon, goodbye, you have a life to return to." Smiling, he snapped his fingers, and everything went dark.

---------------------------

As I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on the side seats of Rutile's corner. Turning my head left, I could see the doctor chipping off some parts of someone's legs, revealing green beneath the fake skin from the powder. Oh, that's Phos.

"Doc?" I croaked out.

"Ah, you're awake. I've finished chipping off your contaminated spots and applied your powder. Not even a day and you've already damaged yourself," she sighed. "Oh well, anyway, don't worry about memory loss; like you've said, it's superficial." She smiled at me.

I returned the smile. "Thanks," I muttered before turning my head back upwards.

"You can lie that for a bit more, I'll be patching Phos up."

Staring into blank space, I could only think about my encounter with God while I was unconscious. His smile, whatever he's said, his purpose...

I raised my left hand. White. Pinching it with my other hand, I confirmed to myself that I was still a gem. Why? No idea, maybe because I thought I would be turned back into a human.

"Ah well," I muttered softly to myself, "being a gem is great, too. I may not choose to return when the time comes after all."

"Alright, I've chipped away all the contaminated spots," I heard Rutile tell Phos. Do you remember who I am?"

"A quack doc." I had to stifle my laughter, with Phos giggling after hearing me.

"Perhaps it was worse than I thought," Rutile said. Picking up one of their tools and preparing to stab Phos' leg, they stood up. "Let's carve that right out of you."

"Woah!" Phos jumped up and quickly curled back into a ball on the table. "An excellent doctor!" they corrected, giving a cheeky smile to the doctor.

"Well, that's the best I can do," Rutile said while they walked away.

"I've never had to be chipped before," Phos said as Rutile wrapped up Phos' contaminated spots placed on a piece of paper.

"Me neither," I added while remaining lying down.

"Have any of you forgotten anything?" Rutile asked.

"Nothing for me, I guess," I replied. "Well, maybe the boring parts while we were looking for Cinnabar other than that dead poisoned butterfly, but nothing more."

Phos curled up. "For me, I don't really know yet. But I definitely won't forget today..."

"Cinnabar didn't want to fight, but still saved the both of us."

"Indeed. Quite shrewd," Rutile said while pouring the contaminated pieces into a small container. "Unfortunately, the area there's now stagnant. The water, flora and fauna will be of no use for some time."

"Phos, the truth is... Cinnabar is incredibly bright and gifted, but because their touch brings ruin, we have no way of handling it. So we have forced Cinnabar out into the night."

"Sulfur," I thought to myself.

"Is that all we can do?" Phos asked.

"Rigorous, meaningful work is the best medicine against questioning one's place in the world. We cannot die, so we must simply face these problems as they are until we eventually find an answer. Or perhaps," Rutile leaned forward on the table, "you two'll find a place for Cinnabar for us? You're looking for a major discovery, are you not?"

Rutile held Phos' face and began applying powder.

"How are we supposed to do that? Even you and Kongo-sensei couldn't think of anything else, right?"

"Tell me, though, where did Cinnabar stay during the day?" Rutile asked.

"Nnnnnh, just sort of appeared when I went up that cliff to the north."

"The Cave of Emptiness?"

"Yeah, there, at just the right moment."

Cave of Emptiness, got it, I thought.1

"The Cave of Emptiness is the most dangerous of locations and where Heliodor was stolen away from us. I can't imagine Cinnabar would stay there for long..."

------------------

I followed Phos out to the corridor, where she stared out into the open.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Oh, Phos, Dan."

"Hm?"

Turning to our right, I see a gem with white, rainbow-glowing hair.

"Dia..." Phos greeted.

So this is the Diamond they've been comparing me to, now that I look at it we do bear some resemblance.

"I'm glad to see you're well. Both of you," Dia began. Her hair reflected colors around us, shrouding all of us in a rainbow of beautiful colors. "Do be careful out there."

"Yeah," Phos said as I said "Alright," at the same time.

Dia turned back while Phos and I turned left. Looking at Phos turn her head back, then look down, I wondered what she was thinking.

"So," I asked, "that's Diamond?"

"Yeah. You see the resemblance too, right?"

"Yeah."

"Oh right, where do I go to now? I don't think I've been assigned to a room, have I?"

"You're right," Phos agreed, "Why not sleep in my room tonight?"

"No problem, thanks Phos."

"No problem. I'm still going to sleep on the bed though," Phos said with a cheeky grin.

"That's fine with me, window seats are fine with me. Also, is it fine that I tag along with you from now on?"

"Sure, you need to learn anyway, might as well teach you."

-----------------

Phos stared at the tulip-like plant as she held it up.

I stared at that same plant.

"I don't know," Phos conceded, putting the plant down. "I guess I might as well jolt it down."

It's the start of a brand new day, and Phos has gotten up early to get more information for the encyclopedia. Of course, I tagged along.

"Hey," Cinnabar called suddenly from behind, starting both Phos and I.

"Mornin' Cinnabar," I greeted.

"Cinn...abar," Phos greeted nervously.

"Haven't you had enough already?" Cinnabar asked bluntly.

"Th-this is my job! I'm not here by choice!" Phos retorted. "And why are you even here again anyway? This is a dangerous place where we lost Helio, you know!"

"It is," was the reply from the red-haired gem. "And I..."

"Hm?" The both of us looked at Cinnabar.

"I'm just waiting here, for the day they come take me away."

What? Cinnabar is suicidal?

The word "suicidal" reminded me about everything yesterday from my meeting with God. Now that I look at them, I can a bit of "Nicole" me inside Cinnabar.

"At least on the moon they might make use of me. I've been waiting, but they never come. Yet the second you two arrive they show up."

Phos and I stared on.

"Must be nice. Desired even by our enemy."

A green butterfly landed on Phos' hand.

Something in my heart stirred, and I without thinking I stood up.

"Don't say that, idiot! What do you think the 29 of us would feel if you're gone? Sure some of them are uncomfortable with your poison, but deep down everyone loves you, treats you like family! You don't just disappear and nobody bats an eye, I for one will be the first to rush out and look for you! I'm not even a day old! Who gives two damns about your poison? That's what makes you special! None of us have anything leaking out of us, you're the only one with mercury leaking out! Back in the time people adored your poison, going as far as to think taking it makes them immortal, giving them eternal life with great health! Hell, one crazy emperor even had his tomb surrounded with that poison along with a massive terracotta army after he died from taking a pill made from jade and mercury! When that died down, they decided to use it as a means to record temperature, and guess what? It was damn good at doing just that! So please, for God's sake, don't tell yourself that you're worthless! You never are, and never will be!"

Cinnabar looked shocked.

"Dan..." I heard Phos say.1

Regaining my composure and backtracking what I've just said, I realized that I really had said too much and lost too much confidence.

"Sorry. I'll be at the beach looking for more stuff," I quickly added before running down the cliff.

------------------------------

Just a few minutes later, Phos came down to me.

"Dan..."

"Sorry for just now, Phos. I've really said too much, didn't I?"

"No, not at all. You've said some weird things, but you're right. By the way, I've decided that I'll look for something for only Cinnabar to do instead of the night watch."

"You've promised her?"

"Yeah, kinda," Phos replied with a sheepish grin.

I made up my mind on the spot.

"You know that I'll help you with this too, right?"

"Wha-"

"Yes, I insist that I'll help you on this. I don't want Cinnabar to be unhappy too, and you're better off with me helping you. Please?"

Phos stared in shock for a moment, before breaking into a huge smile and wrapping her arms around me.

"Sure thing, Dan! Thanks! By the way," she got out of the hug for a bit, "you've got to tell me about all those weird stuff you said."

"In time," I assured her, "but not now, so you gotta wait for a bit."

"Alright, thanks!"

"Woah, not so tight," I said before giggling and returning the embrace.

"Incredibly naive," I heard Cinnabar say from in front of me, behind of Phos.

"Well," I replied, "I was only born yesterday."4

Cinnabar just turned around and walked away.

-----------------------------

"Hey." Morganite called out.

"Is Phos all right?" Goshenite asked me, showing concern about a napping Phos.

Damn, it's still morning, how can they sleep already? Can't blame them for that though, I'm no different in school.

"What then?" muttered Phos. "What is it? What can only you do?"

I smiled at the other two gems. "She's fine, just taking a nap."

Wait, something's not right.

Oh, dammit.

"Hey, where's the notebook?"

Guess I'll look later, gotta stay with Phos.

"You big dummy," Phos mumbled in her sleep.

-----------------------+

"I don't want you to go away," she mumbled again a few minutes later.