The Distance Between Our Hearts

The delicate snowflakes, tenderly caressed the fields of Cransfield, blanketing it in a layer of winter mood. I sat inside my dorm, at my timber desk, situated next to the window, sipping a warm mug of hot cocoa. The steam rising from my hot drink, fogged up the windows, blocking out the ethereal view outside. I pulled down my navy woolen sweater, over my pale, dry hands and started wiping away at the icy cold window.

Icicles, shimmering like diamonds stuck to the roof of the building. Frost was forming outside the window sill. Ice droplets hung from the gnarly, threadbare branches of maple trees. Illuminated brightly under the crescent moon, everything outside was rendered in a shade of silver. This included the ebony trees, withered, bare, the snow, continually falling, and even the lone silhouette of a figure wandering towards the woods of our school.

It was late at night, a little past bedtime, but I was still reviewing the notes for our exams from class today. My results had been improving recently, and I felt obliged to continue this trend, so every night, after dinner, I would confine myself in my room, and study, under the lamp light for hours on end, uninterrupted.

My roommates Hannah, Felicity and Elizabeth were in the common room, along with the rest of the girls in our grade, chatting, playing games by the glowing embers of the fireplace. As for Reina, as usual she was curled up on her bed, quietly reading. I felt a slight chill through the thin walls, as the winds and snow became fiercer.

As the person trudged onwards in the blizzard, the light of the lamp, flickered violently as the blustery gale, tore apart at it. Their footsteps vanished almost as soon as they appeared, their black cloak being tossed about. I knew exactly who she was, although I could not catch a glimpse of her face, I just knew. It was too dangerous to be out in such a ferocious storm.

"Kim!" I cried out at her, throwing the transparent glass windows open. They hit the bricks with a clank. "Kim, Kim, Kim, come back!" A gust of freezing air entered the room.

My hollow voice echoed through the empty atmosphere, raspy, with great volume, but it was drowned out by the howling of the turbulent winds before it could reach her. Without turning around Kim continued on her journey, into the barren landscape.

This was when I came to a realisation that Kim and I had unknowingly grown apart. The magenta curtains decorating the windows were flapping about. My worst fear had come true. My eyes, dry and painful bore into the background, my face devoid of all emotion, body numb from the cold blast as I slowly came to terms with reality.

"Hey Darren!" I called out, across the hallway of the school, as the curly haired, green-eyed youth passed by. By now Darren was a whole head taller than me, and could no longer be considered skeletal, his shoulders broad and his voice deep.

"Hey!" He grinned, exceedingly smug about something.

"What's got you so excited, little brother?" I teased him. "Someone asked you out?" I meant this half jokingly because it was a kind of ongoing joke between us about who would be the first to start dating.

"Uh. Actually you're right." He replied bashfully blushing.

"What! Wait, no way right? Seriously?" My voice could barely be heard over the chatter of students trying to get to their next class.

"Yeah." He sighed a little.

"Congrats! What are you looking so depressed for? You finally got somebody" I hit him on the back in a friendly gesture, smiling.

"Layla, I have a matter I must discuss with you. Why don't we skip classes? I know a place where we wouldn't get caught." He frowned, creasing his forehead.

I considered for a moment. My exam was already over, and I had practically pulled three all nighters in a row, so some rest didn't sound bad. But what was it that Darren wanted to discuss that was so important? Alright, was my reply as I tossed my textbooks into my bag, and followed him.

Instinctively wrapping my vermillion scarf around my neck and shoving my thin fingers into my pockets when we exited the building, I felt the crisp air on my cheeks. Wisps of breath that escaped our lips, danced around in the wintry winds. We trudged in snow, half a metre deep in our boots, that the school had provided  for winter.

I saw the sorrowful expression Darren wore on his face, almost as if tears were threatening to fall. Why did he make such a face? In my heart I had a feeling that I was hurting him, and he was going to hurt me. The sensation became more painful to endure when I saw the very same withered maple tree from last night, reminding me of the distance between Kim and I. I let out a heavy breath of air.

We climbed up the winding staircase towards the library. Our library was a turret, made out of bricks, circular, and consisting of many levels, containing plenty of heavy, worn down books, sitting on oak shelves.

Darren stopped about 10 steps short of the actual entrance to the library room. He knocked 3 times on a brick, then two others, and after some careful thinking, selected the first brick and took it out revealing the rusted iron handle of a door. Twisting the knob with force, an entire wall of bricks moved aside, revealing a dark room, with a musty smell. He took out the lantern in his bag, and skilfully lit a flame.

"What are you waiting for? Come in." He ushered, whispering.

At first glance I knew that this was the room where he had found the forbidden book. An entire self of books stood near a suit of armour to the side. He had broken his promise to me to stop reading those books. Two years ago I would have felt bitter from his betrayal and uncontrollably angry, but by now I realised that it was impossible to change the behaviour of others. I trod onto the luscious velvet carpet, stepping towards him and sat down on a plump violet cushion.

"It's about Kim isn't it?" I managed to voice through the intense pain in my chest.

"Yeah..." He responded in a resigned tone. "She confessed to me."

"Oh? That's nice to hear. You finally found yourself a girlfriend. And she liked you? That little rascal! She never told me." I laughed it off a little dryly.

"Layla! I'm serious here. I also like her back." His deep voice resonating through the room.

"Lucky you man. Kim is gorgeous, and cute. She's got a cool personality too. Who would've thought that the nerd got the best girlfriend?" My mind was blank.

"We're going to date now. We going to kiss, hug, have sex." He murmured wistfully.

"Yeah, I know. Too much information." I proceeded to stick out my tongue, and acted disgusted. "Do your thing, lovebirds." My eyes frantically scanned the room, looking for an object to focus my attention on, so that I didn't have to feel the stampede of bulls in my stomach.

"Are you even paying attention to me, Layla?" Darren said submissively. He had clearly seen the panic in my eyes, and my unwarranted expression that I tried to disguise.

"I'm fine, your big sister has always been fine, right? Anyways, how did you even discover this room in the first place? It's an amazing place." My voice was trembling when I said this. At this point I was frantically trying to change the topic.

"Don't lie to me Layla. You also like like Kim, don't you?" The candle quivered, casting oscillated shadows on his face.

"What do you mean, Darren? That was ages ago. So long that I've forgotten." I lied through my teeth, although my voice was brittle.

"Tell me the truth Layla. Please. I'm your brother." He begged me dismally.

"So what if I do? So what? It doesn't concern you. You are you and I am me, so don't feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity." My emotions burst out like the water in a dam. I couldn't contain them for much longer.

"But are you truly okay with this?" He whispered.

"Yes, yes... I'm... I'm..." My voice broke, and I was left gaping, when I tried to speak once again, no words could come out of my mouth. Then tears cascaded down my cheeks like a waterfall. "Huh?... Why am I sad?... What? I'm not jealous of you or anything..." I blubbered.

"Layla, it's clear that your not okay with this." He stated.

"Yes. So what? If you knew that things would turn out this way, why did you bother telling me." I wailed, my heart throbbing.

"It wouldn't be fair if Kim and I had an affair without telling you. I'm sure you would feel worse, and Kim and I would feel guilty." He comforted me.

Covering my red eyes with my hands, I continued to sob. "It's not fair. It's not fair... If only I confessed earlier..."

Darren then took out a pack of tissues in his bag and handed them to me. My erratic thoughts calmed down a bit while I wiped my tears away. The silence remained in the room for some time before Darren spoke up.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah." I smiled meekly for real this time. "I'm sorry for getting angry at you. Thank you for telling me, I really appreciate this."

"I'm sorry too, Layla." He muttered softy. "You've always liked Kim right?"

"Don't be sorry for me."

With that the two of us left the hidden room within the library and headed off to our dorms. My footsteps echoed on the cold stone staircase, evoking a sense of loneliness.

That night, when Kim returned from her hour long walk in the woods of our school, she sat down next to me and talked. She explained that she was now dating Darren, how she should let me know, because she was my best friend. When she was telling me this, her eyes drifted around the room, in a blank stare, lost. I focused on her now short bright copper hair, it bounced up and down at every phrase Kim said. Concealing my true feelings, I congratulated her. I left the suffocating atmosphere using the excuse that I was hungry.

Downstairs I bumped into Finn raiding the fridge for leftovers to satisfy his voracious appetite. He had dark shadows under his eyes, possibly from studying. I went up and greeted him. Within the last two years, the childish brat that I had known had matured into a tall, slender young man. He no longer played obnoxious pranks or yelled out witty retorts at teachers. How do I put this? He had become much more considerate and quiet.

"It's been a while hasn't it, Layla?" He greeted me, smiling weakly through his tired look. His blonde strands were messy, and his face pale from studying.

"You look tired. You really should rest. I mean your the very top of our grade, so I don't really see the reason why you're trying so hard. You get perfect 100's anyways." I replied in a matter of fact manner, trying to sound smart.

"Same to you Layla, you look extremely worn out? Had a bad day, huh? Well don't wear yourself out too much from studying, your grades are pretty decent." He beamed at me. "And well, I don't really want to study hard either. But I have no choice." His eyes glanced around the kitchen sneakily. "Keep this a secret from Kim but I'm actually skipping a grade."

"What." I blurted out, overwhelmed by everything that had happened today.

"Shh."

"I'm sorry. But why?"

"Anyways, I was explaining right? The Department of Medicine within the Ministry of Science, only accepts one student per grade. That student has to both be the valedictorian and achieve the top marks in their grade, not just at their school, but overall." He gritted his teeth a little. "The teachers want me to move up a grade so that Kim and I can both work in The Department of Medicine." He sighed. "Skipping a year is tough. Trust me grade 11 stuff is on a whole new difficulty level." Finn complained submissively. "So here I am cramming for my life."

"I feel sorry for you." So even the genius had to work for his victories.

"Anyways how's life on your end?"

"It's so-so, I guess. Just some stuff about economics that I don't understand." I told a white lie because I didn't want to make him worry over someone like me when he has his entire future at stake.

"That's good to hear." Finn admitted to me much later on that he had seen through my act at the time, but he felt insensitive to question me any further. "Actually Layla, I might have some notes from economics that I no longer need. You can come over to pick them up."

"Really? Thanks man, you really saved me there!"

"You're welcome." He chuckled, his voice modulated and pleasant to listen to.

As time slowly ticked onwards and the ashen snow in our fields slowly melted away, I could feel Kim steadily distancing herself from me. For instance she stopped dragging me along to spectate her martial arts classes. Did she have enough of me? Did I bore her? My anxiety was slowly eating away at my soul. What if she hated me? The answer of course, was far more sinister than what a 16 year old child like me could imagine.