Chapter 1 : Why can't I be happy?
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Twinkling stars decorate the night sky, moonlight shining on the dark night, and lights shining on the corners of the city. How can it be this beautiful?
What I feel now is calm and freedom that I haven't felt for a long time, finally I can feel this freedom.
But why am I still unable to feel happiness? Even though I've found this freedom ... I can't take it anymore !!!
From the top of this building, i can see the beauty of the city which is decorated with light at this time of night. I stepped my foot and passed the guardrail of the building without the slightest hesitation ...
When I was 5 years old, all happiness was forcibly taken away from me. Ever since Mama, Papa and Sister died, my life has slowly begun to change. I can't feel happiness anymore ..
Since they died, right, I was taken care of by my aunt's family.
My aunt always blamed me for the death of my family, she always said, "You ignorant children, if you were never born, maybe ... they wouldn't die," she said like that while slapping me very hard.
All of hef family also behaved rudely to me. When I was 10 they forced me to work while they were just relaxing at home.
Not only my aunt's family treated me harshly, but all my classmates were the same. But I was used to their treatment, harsh words, the taunts they were hurling at me, the sharp stares they were showing me. Even the person I like, he also has a very sharp gaze at me, as if he really hates me ...
Their very sharp gaze made me very disgusted and made me have an incredible fear with someone's sharp gaze.
To prevent my fear, I always carry tranquilizers wherever I am and spend my time reading in the school library.
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I have a little friend who accompanies me when I'm sad, and when my fear strikes, that little friend is Yena.
Yena is a small dog that was abandoned by her employer when it rained very hard first. At that time I could feel the feelings of Yena being dumped by her own owner. And without thinking, I saved her and cared for her. At that time he looked so frightened that she looked very, very sad.
But now the little dog has grown into a cheerful dog, and always excited, Although still the same I still can not feel happy, but at least I have a small friend who is accompanying me now.
Today is a day that is very hard than usual, everyone in my class, people I like, even the teacher who usually defends me because she knows how to treat and blame me for everything that happened. But now she is the same as the others, she blames me for the lost items in my class, even she talks to me with a very sharp look and says.
Teacher: "Amelia, confess it and I will forgive you !!".
I don't know what happened to her so she changed like that. Even I don't believe what I heard just now.
Amelia: "Even Teacher trust them more, compared to me"...
And at that very moment my fear finally attacked me, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I ran out of the classroom, and before I knew it my feet brought me back home.
I don't know why, but my mind is on Yena, did something bad happen to her? When I got to the backyard I found Yena. The dog who usually always welcomed my return, now he lay covered in blood, along with the uncle felling wood that happened to her.
When I hold her chest, her heart doesn't beat anymore, when I hold her nose she doesn't breathe anymore. I feel very broken, I cried very strong right then.
Uncle who saw me crying he looked very disturbed and said.
Uncle: "Hey, you're too noisy ... Even just because of a small problem like this you cry really hard".
I didn't pay attention to his words at all. Hearing the commotion made by uncle, aunt came out with her face that looked angry and disturbed.
Aunt: "Why is it so noisy? What's the commotion here?" ...
I didn't really listen and care about their conversation because at that time my mind only focused on Yena ... But there were words coming out of their mouths that made me very devastated ...
Uncle: "You stupid dog even though I told you to leave, but he still follows me, it's your own responsibility for not listening to my words !!"
Aunt: "Right. Want to see however she really looks like his employer, it deserves to be thrown away and deserves to die !!!"
Hearing their words ... Made me so angry, my feelings were broken and I couldn't think clearly anymore. Without thinking, I wiped my tears and stood up.
Amelia: "That's enough !! You may insult me but don't insult my Yena, you guys are really cold-hearted !!! You don't even feel the slightest guilt !!" ...
At that time after hearing my words aunt looks very angry and then she slapped me very hard on my cheek.
Aunt: "You child don't know yourself, you forgot who raised you? How dare you yell at your uncle and aunt ?! You should be thankful that I didn't send you into an orphanage !! You forgot? You're the one who caused your family to die !!"
It feels like my heart is very broken now.
Amelia: "Why? ... Why do you always blame me for their deaths?"
Aunt: "why? You ask why ?? It's not obvious that you were the one who caused them to die, if only at that time you didn't insist on going to visit your grandmother's grave, maybe this wouldn't happen !!!"
Amelia: (My tears can't be blocked anymore) You're right aunty, this is all my fault and if I hadn't been born in this world, they wouldn't have died ...
I could not take it anymore ... at that moment I ran away leaving them, my legs ran aimlessly at all, I have no friends for me to go to their house and express my sadness...
At that time I really wanted to go far from the house and did not want to go back again.
Did I ever make a really big mistake when I was little? And what is that mistake that makes me lose my happiness?
I can't stop my tears and my eyes hurt so much.
Amelia: (Mama, daddy, sister, I really miss you guys. Do you miss me too? Are you happy there? There are so many questions I want to ask you when I meet you later. I can't take it anymore !! I will after you guys, wait for me there, mom, daddy, brother)
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End of this chapter !!
Curious how it goes ?? Wait for the next chapter, guys 😊😊 thanks for reading it ...