Chapter 14.3

Jason looked at Alina from the corner of his eyes with some apprehension while he held the steering wheel. Since leaving the hospital Alina hadn't spoken a word, even after Jason began driving. He was worried that she might be angry because of his actions but he didn't - couldn't - speak either; he was unsure of how to brooch the topic on his actions with Michelle, especially with his sister.

"Do you …" Alina who was looking out the window muttered to herself in a quiet voice before turning to Jason. "Do you really believe that, Jason?"

"Hmm?" Jason tilted his head in bemusement as Alina sighed.

"When you were … you told me that you deserved to be hit," Alina looked back out the window. "Because of Katie. For ruining my life. Do you really believe that?"

Jason didn't answer but took a deep breath instead. He refused to look at Alina and instead focused on driving. Alina noticed this and sighed again. Whenever this subject came to light, Jason would become silent.

"I would've died Jason," Alina whispered. "I should've died. But I didn't. Because of you, I'm alive. So I forgive you, Jason. For everything. For Katelyn. For … my mother."

Jason's hand shook and he nearly lost control of the Baron. He quickly turned the autopilot on and let A.V.A drive the car. Closing his eyes, he opened them and looked at Alina with a myriad of emotions. Alina smiled back bitterly stroking the fear he had of one of his greatest sins he had committed.

"I knew, Jason," Alina looked straight into his eyes as she spoke. "I knew about it. About you and ... Katie. You and ... Mom."

Jason covered his mouth with his hand and, with immense effort, broke his gaze away from hers. The hand that covered his face started massaging his mouth and chin.

"Before you say anything else-" Jason turned to Alina once he was more composed but Alina cut him off with a raised hand.

"Don't. 'It's not what you think' or 'I didn't mean for it to happen' … I don't - I don't want to hear any of it," Alina was deadly calm as she spoke. "So don't, Jason. Just don't. Mom's gone and I don't want to …"

Alina's voice trailed off and she looked away. Jason understood what she meant and he too turned away.

"I know what you're thinking and you're right," Jason said quietly. "It wasn't her that started it, and she didn't want to continue it either. So you don't need to blame her."

"I don't blame her," Alina answered in a low voice. "And I don't blame you either. Dad was … never around. And you were the … the epithet of men so of course things would happen. Of course, Katie and Mom ... and God knows how many girls would fall for your charms.

"It's just … I wish things were different," Alina looked out the window to hide her tears. "And I wish I could've told them just once how much I …"

Jason closed his eyes to avoid seeing Alina, but he couldn't stop picturing her sad face. It was as though the very image was seared into his mind. Alina smiled and wiped the tears away before looking at Jason.

"I don't blame you," Alina said as she touched his hand. "So don't blame yourself, Jason. I do hate that womanizing part though."

Alina's voice went back to normal as she added the last sentence with a bitter laugh.

"Just … don't do the same to my friends, ok? I know how you are when it comes to relationships and women," Alina said as Jason opened his eyes.

"I know," Jason said quietly. "I promised never to hurt you. Again. Never to hurt you again, Alle."

"Thanks," Alina said with a smile. "You know, you thought Michelle was Katie. That's why you were gonna kiss her."

A look of pain flashed through Jason's eyes when he heard her and he cleared his throat, forcing back the broken heart that was lodged inside.

"Did, uh, I say anything else to her?" Jason asked.

"Dunno, Michelle refused to say anything else," Alina answered and Jason breathed a sigh of relief. Alina looked at him carefully before continuing. "Does she remind you of her?"

"A bit," Jason admitted. "Just the eyes."

"Yeah, they do share that stoic look, don't they?" Alina laughed before stopping and falling silent.

She remembered how she saw a woman who looked similar to Katelyn right before the attack in the amusement park. A spark ignited in her heart and she couldn't help but voice out the hope she was clinging onto.

"You don't think she's alive do you?" Alina asked with some hope.

"No, she isn't," Jason firmly answered with conviction in his voice. "She died that night, Alle. I saw it."

"Maybe you saw it wrong? Or maybe she survived?" Alina continued and Jason looked at her strangely. "Maybe she escaped."

"Why are you asking?"

"I … I saw her," Alina said with hesitation. "Right before the explosion, I saw someone that looked like her."

Jason sighed and closed his eyes when he heard Alina.

"So do I," he said quietly causing Alina to look at him in surprise. "Every morning I wake to her voice, thinking she's there ... right there to wake me up as always. Every time I see a blonde girl with blue eyes I see her. Every time I …"

Jason looked at Alina and continued, "It's called a ghost, Alle. Not a supernatural one, just one that haunts your mind. One made up from your guilt."

"That's not what I saw," Alina insisted.

"No? Look out the window. Two o'clock."

Alina listened to Jason and froze when she saw a blonde girl in a maid outfit standing in the light drizzle holding out flyers. The cloudy skies covered half her face but her blue eyes noticed the car passing by and she made eye contact with Alina, whose breathing stopped as she saw Katelyn. As the car drove away, Alina turned to look at her again and noticed that the girl took off her blonde wig; Alina felt a pain in her chest when she realized that it wasn't Katelyn.

"I see her too," Jason said quietly as Alina closed her eyes.

"Does … does it ever go away? Does it ever get better?" Alina asked as she wiped her tears away.

Jason closed his eyes as well and could picture everyone who died as though they were right in front of him, their voices right before their death echoing in his ears.

The dead bodies of his team in Budapest, the smile Helen gave him before losing her soul, Katelyn with tears in her eyes as he left her to die, Alina's mom as she begged him to heal Alina: it all flashed through his eyes as though it happened yesterday.

"I … I don't know," Jason confessed. "I'm … they still haunt me. I don't think it ever goes away."

The two remained silent as the car continued driving to their destination, each lost in their own thoughts that were as stormy as the weather outside.

[1] & [2] This is a pop culture reference, no copyright infringement intended.