Chapter 29.2
Jason waited patiently as a student fixed a microphone to him before he slowly began to play the piano once again. A soft gentle tune embraced the theatre as Jason's voice slowly echoed through the crowd's hearts.
"I was wrong to say I loved her
I was wrong to think I'm right
But when I told her it was over
Well my darling, I had lied
I've been running from my demons
Afraid to look behind
I've been running from myself
Afraid of what I'd find
But how am I supposed to love you
When I don't love who I am?
And how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?
'Cause I'm a sinking ship that's burning
So let go of my hand
Oh, how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?"
Tears obscured Alina's eyes when she heard Jason's voice. The fluid melody accentuated the hollow wound in her chest, that stuffy emptiness which was preventing her from breathing. The sight of the theatre faded as she saw Jason sitting in front of a piano, singing the exact song in a gala that the Sage's had funded. Katelyn, who entered the event as a waitress, stopped moving as she clutched the plate full of champagne glasses tightly, her eyes never leaving Jason's broad back as he sang.
It was that precise moment that Alina discerned that the two were in a relationship. Her heart was filled with happiness, she preferred Jason being together with Katelyn over the other women who chased after him, and she was too young to understand the discrepancy between the difference of status the two had. But once she realized that Jason was also visiting her mother's chambers, the dream of hope and happiness, of a family, shattered like broken glass.
"I once sang for your mother."
Jason's words rang in Alina's ears as she almost fainted as it all came crashing down on her. Jason, who was wholeheartedly singing, didn't realize that Alina had eavesdropped and managed to connect the dots.
Mother … her mother … Katie … is, was, her mother … Alina thought as her sight, glazed with tears, slowly spun around.
"But how am I supposed to love you
When I don't love who I am?
And how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?
'Cause I'm a sinking ship that's burning
So let go of my hand
And how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?
And no one can ever hurt me
Like I've hurt myself
'Cause I'm made out of stone
And I'm beyond help
Don't give your heart to me …"
Michelle's eyes misted over as Jason's words stabbed her heart. She had seen how vulnerable he was and realized that he meant every word he was singing. He truly believed that he was incapable of love, that he'd only hurt those he cares about. To him, he could only get close to a woman physically, but not emotionally.
"But how am I supposed to love you
When I don't love who I am?
And how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?
'Cause I'm a sinking ship that's burning
So let go of my hand
And how can I give you all of me
When I'm only half a man?" [1]
As Jason hummed the last part, Alina rushed out of the theatre. Michelle who realized something was wrong with Alina halfway through the song, pursued her while Asami waited a while for Jason to finish before she followed them out, but not before she made sure to have the recordings transferred to her phone. She also connected the theatre's sound system to the school's PA system; she had an inkling that he was gonna sing again and that it would be just as incredible as the last one.
Jason turned to look at Alice and saw her eyes full of tears. She looked down and asked quietly in a hoarse voice. "Did you? Love mom?"
A pang of regret and sorrow hit Jason as he looked away. His voice was heavy as he spoke, knowing full well that the truth he was going to say would hurt her. "I don't know, kid. I don't … I was raised to trust no one. To not think, to not feel, to only kil-"
Jason stopped and sighed before continuing. "I don't know how to love someone. I'm trying, God knows, I'm trying to ..."
Alice clenched her fists as she fought back her tears. She didn't want to hear that. She wanted Jason to assure her, even though she knew he'd be lying, she longed to hear him say he loved her mother. That he loved her.
"Sorry," Jason said quietly. "I know that wasn't what you wanted to hear. But I can't lie to you. And I won't. But no matter how - how twisted and … and heartless I become, I will never leave you alone. I will always be there for you."
Seeing her watery eyes, Jason sighed before trying to smile at her while changing the subject. "You know your mom's favourite story was Alice in Wonderland?"
"I know. It's my favourite story too," Alice nodded stiffly.
Jason nodded as well once he confirmed his suspicions, that Alice was named after the story. He turned back to the piano before talking to Alice quietly. "Let me sing a song for you this time."
Slowly, he began playing the piano again. This time the melody was melancholic, a bit of yearning and fondness struck the crowd in both the theatre and the school.
"Welcome to Wonderland, we've got it all
Potions and pastries that make you grow tall
Forests and cottages, castles and cards that can talk
Welcome to Wonderland, look where you're at
Maddest of hatters, the Cheshire Cat
Magical cabins and lovely white rabbits with clocks
Dancing through a dream underneath the stars
Laughing 'til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart, oh, Wonderland I love
Welcome to Wonderland, I'll be your guide
Holding your hand under sapphire skies
Let's go exploring or we could just go for a walk
Welcome to Wonderland, where should we go
There's a tea party along down the road
Make an appearance and maybe they'll sing us a song
Dancing through a dream underneath the stars
Laughing 'til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart oh, Wonderland I love
Nothing around here is quite as it seems
Not sure if anything's real or a dream
And the only thing sure from the start
Is the song that's inside of your heart
Don't let it leave
If this was a dream, then at least I've got
Memories for when morning comes
Now that I must leave with a heavy heart oh, Won-derland
I love," [2]
The song hit everyone at their hearts, stopping them in their place. Silvia, who was in her office, paused her reading and closed her eyes. She couldn't help but remember her childhood memories where everything was so simple. Her mind went back to when Jason was still a child and she, a young teen, had a soft spot for him, the orphaned child who had once rescued her. Things were a lot less complicated...
Students from the primary curriculum stopped talking and listened carefully, letting their imaginations run wild. As children, living in the city of magic, in Sanctuary, allowed them to imagine that anything was possible, and this song only reinforced this, letting them remember their dreams and hopes...
Alina had barged into a girls' washroom, heaving over the sink when Jason's soft voice began singing. Her eyes watered as she remembered the time that Katelyn would read stories beside her bed before tucking her to sleep. She remembered how Katelyn told her the story of Alice in Wonderland, how she could see the mushrooms that enlarged or shrunk a person in her mind, believing that it was truly true. A pang of pain hit her again as she thought of Katelyn. She realized that Alice wasn't the true child of Katelyn and Jason. But deep down, she understood what Alice was.
Why didn't I see it before? Alina thought as Michelle arrived and patted her back silently. No … I did. I did see it, I just didn't want to admit it. She's an exact copy of Katie when she was younger … she's her clone … isn't she?
"Let's go see what everyone else is up to, hm?" Jason said to Alice. Back at the auditorium, Jason embraced Alice as he spoke while slowly leading the two away from the stage. Alice buried her face into his shirt, refusing to look at him or anyone else as tears slowly leaked from the corner of her eyes.
[1] Song by Dean Lewis, "Half a Man". All rights belong to him
[2] Song by Anson Sebra, "Welcome to Wonderland". All rights belong to him.