Chapter 46.1

 "Rut?" Jason laughed at the irony as a bump formed in his mouth. "Since meeting you two months ago, I haven't slept with a single woman, Elizabeth. Not a one. While, these past two weeks, you were so wasted you barely knew who you slept with. Who's the one rutting again?"

"Dun' put this on me, ay am not yer property," Elizabeth said, her anger at his hypocrisy erupted. "Ay don't need ye permission to date or shag. I didn't even agree to marry ye, that was a hoax, it was yer wishful thinking!"

Elizabeth's words pierced Jason like hot iron and he looked away while the former noticed him playing with his left ring finger. An illusion was placed over it, hiding the ring but Elizabeth easily saw through it due to her Aura Sight and her heart clenched as though it were being squeezed by a hand.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, it was my wishful thinking," Jason replied, his voice heavy with bitterness just like his laugh. He took the ring off and placed it in his pockets as Elizabeth watched with regretful eyes. "It was never going to work, was it?"

"Just . . . answer one thing, Jason," Elizabeth sighed before speaking with a lowered head. "Just one thing I want ye to tell me honestly, right now. Can you let it go? Can ye let me in? Can you tell me everything, all your secrets? Can ye? Tell me."

"I -" Jason opened his mouth but closed it without replying. He looked away without so much as a reply, the words stuck in his throat, and Elizabeth nodded with tears in her eyes.

"Aye. That's what I thought," Elizabeth said with despair and she stood up.

"You don't understand, it's more complicated than -"

"More complicated than us? Because I'm secondary? We're not important enough? I'm not important enough?" Elizabeth leaned forward, pressing her hands into the table. "Guess ay know where we stand now."

"I think we both knew exactly where we stood ever since you abandoned me," Jason looked away before laughing once more at at the irony, at their relationship, Katelyn's relationship with him, and . . . Alice. "It's funny. If things happened . . . differently, maybe it'd have been our child . . ."

"What do ye mean?" Elizabeth asked as she closed her eyes. 

I abandoned him . . . ?

The day she left him, Jason had just lost his sister. What he needed at that moment was support, but Elizabeth, frustrated at him over his secrets, left him alone. Only after Jason mentioned it did she look back and realize that no matter how tough, and manly, he seemed, he was just a child at the time. A child she had left alone.

"I met Katelyn years after you left. For the longest time, I refused to be in a relationship, refused to let someone close. Again. But Katelyn, she - she had your eyes."

Again. First, it was Mary, then you, Jason thought. It was always the same: things would be wonderful during the early stages but eventually he would be left alone. He would always be alone.

Elizabeth took in a sorrowful gasp before covering her mouth. She closed her eyes again but Jason's voice continued unnervingly like a recording.

"It started with just that and I wanted - needed - more than that. Her eyes reminded me of you and we - until it became something else," Jason said, his voice and eyes were slowly becoming cold and apathetic. "If you didn't leave . . ."

That would have been us.

Elizabeth could already imagine what that would've been like. These past few years would've been vastly different, more warm and sweet than what it was . . . But what filled her with intense regrets was the thought of having a child with Jason. Again, against her will, she imagined how a child would've looked like, how their daughter would've looked like, and her mind spun. Elizabeth felt dizzy and her stomach churned and she rushed past Jason to the bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and exhumed everything she had for the entire day. Jason, who followed her, sighed and walked up to her. He held her kind hair up to prevent it from falling into the toilet as she continued hurling.

"I'm sorry," Jason apologized quietly. "I didn't mean to push you, or blame you. I just . . ."

After a few minutes, Elizabeth shakily stood up and lightly pushed Jason away and stood in front of the sink. "I - can you wait outside?"

"Lizzy . . ."

"Get out!"

Hearing Elizabeth's scream, Jason guiltily left the bathroom. Elizabeth ran the tap water before looking up at herself in the mirror, and she saw the mess she was in. Tears clouded her vision before she punched the mirror, shattering the image of herself.

It was because of me, Elizabeth thought as she covered her face and sobbed, ignoring the shards of glass that were lodged in her bleeding fist. I left not only because he was distant, but because he was so intense, so passionate, so wild . . that it was frightening. Because it wasn't real. It was all an act, an elaborate act. I couldn't help but be scared . . . what was I supposed to do? But now . . . I regret it. I regret it all . . .

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" Elizabeth cursed through her sobs.

Jason who was outside the bathroom heard the sounds within, and sighed with frustration and remorse. He walked to the balcony and pulled a cigarette from his pocket dimension and lit it up. He rarely smoked, but right now, it was the only thing he felt he could do as he mulled over what happened.

I shouldn't have pushed so hard, Jason thought with regret. She's right, I am a piece a shit with hypocritical double standards. I get jealous over the thought of her fawning on others, yet here I am doing the same as her to her with other women. Can't even blame this on the curse. No, this, it's all on me . . .

Jason headed back inside and sat back down on the dining table. In his sight was a bar and his depression tempted him into mixing something strong to dull the pain he was feeling, but he shook his head.

I can't, he thought. Need to be at one hundred percent now.