prologue

"you've never liked me have you?"

"I just want to go back to how we were when we were just friends-"

"basically you've never- and had never loved me had you?"

I could hear him take a short breath, I could hear his hesitation through the phone.

[why are you hesitating?]

[if you tell me the truth now, at least I'll be able to get over you right?]

i could hear him crying through the phone.

that short muffled breath he took?

i knew what I said, had went right through- straight through him.

I hurt him.

and I knew it.

but I was hurting too- who cares about what others feel when you're hurt too isn't it?

why should I care if I had hurt him, when he didn't seem to care about how I felt?

this was probably going to be one of the darkest times in my life, and he was just gonna up and go because he was scared of all the things I was going through? my family was a mess- hell I was a mess-

[but I trusted you!]

i trusted him with the most precious thing I never gave anyone, and he would just up and leave me?

I was tired

tired of living through all these messes that I had no other choice that to keep on clearing because that's what I had to do-

to carry on living.

I miss him, through not with that scorching intense pressure anymore, but more like-

"I used to love ice cream but I now I can't have it anymore."

This is the story of how my first love began, and how it ended.