Hurting Feelings

It was a practice that Jayson knew well. Between the exhaust fan and the running shower, if he cried in the shower nobody would hear him. He couldn't do it for long, and seldom did it more than once a week, but it was a time and place where he could safely let his emotions out. If nobody saw or heard him cry, there would be no lectures about how men don't cry. There would be no teasing about being a baby. If there were no witnesses , he wouldn't have to try to explain why he was crying, only to have his reasons thrown back at him as accusations of being selfish, of not being considerate of others.

Jason let out his emotions under the shower until he felt he could hold them inside again. He knew he was going to be in trouble. He had yelled at his mother and sister. He was going to be in trouble for that. He had accused his sister of lying. He was going to be in trouble for that. If his parents had any plans for the evening that were messed up because of the shit Mary had done, he would be in trouble for that too.

Becoming an evil mastermind and destroying the world always seemed attractive about now. Jason felt his sobs becoming easier to hold back, so he concentrated on calming breaths as he washed up. He scrubbed his face three times to be sure he got all the makeup off. When he was ready to get out of the shower, he reached for a towel and considered his next problem. What should he do with the pantyhose and bikini top?

It was only a small problem, and one quickly solved. Once he was dried off, he put the pantyhose back on. He then got dressed so they were completely covered. The bikini top, fortunately, was small enough that he was able to push it into a pocket without much of a bulge. Jason walked from the bathroom to his bedroom without looking suspicious or rebellious, and without anybody waiting for him in the hall. He even managed to find a hiding spot for the bikini top in his bedroom, so he wouldn't have to keep it in his pocket. He was just thinking about undressing so he could hide the pantyhose when...

"Jason, get out here," He heard his father yelling for him.

"Mom, I'm sorry for yelling," Jason began as soon as he saw his mother sitting with his father in the kitchen. "I was just angry about what Mary did."

"I don't want to hear what your sister might have done," Jason's father spoke up. "I'm unhappy with what you did. Jason, you are old enough to know better."

"I know I'm not supposed to yell at people. I'm sorry," He tried to apologize.

"That is not what I am talking about," His father raised his voice. "I am talking about the way you treated your sister."

Jason clenched his jaw and waited.

"We asked you to help your sister out, and you did nothing but give her an attitude all day. You knew she had plans tonight, but you just kept dragging your feet. You should know better."

"You didn't ask," Jason said in a low voice.

"What was that?"

"You told me to sell her candy. You didn't give me a choice. You didn't ask me if I wanted to."

"Here we go," His father rolled his eyes and his mother sighed.

"Son, you have to learn to think of others. You cannot only think about what you want all the time. Your sister needed your help, and as her brother, you should be willing to help."

"...." Jason kept his thoughts to himself.

"Now tomorrow, you are going to help her finish what she started."

"No, I am not going shopping tomorrow for shoes."

"What?" His father blinked in confusion.

"What Mary did today, while I was selling her candy, was leave me alone so she could go shoe shopping with her friends." Jason tried to explain. "What she started was shopping. She left me alone to go shopping."

"You are old enough to look after yourself for a little while," His father tried to reason. "And you can always call us if you are in... Where are you going?"

Jason had had enough. He would get talked down to in the morning for being rude or whatever, but he couldn't stand there and take being told how everything in the world was his fault. He went back to his bedroom, closed the door, and put on a pair of headphones.

The headphones were an excuse to ignore anybody that tried to talk to him. He knew from experience that one of his parents would soon come along to try to talk some sense in to him. It would be more of the same, about how he was in the wrong, and he should learn to see things their way. With the headphones on, as long as he didn't make eye contact with a person, he could pretend not to hear them. Actually listening to something through the headphones would come in a moment, but it was important to get the image in place right away.

He actually had time to settle into place at his desk before his mother opened his bedroom door. He had his back mostly towards the door, and the monitor turned so it was visible. Near the monitor was an empty CD case. The plastic case was reflective enough for Jason to see who was behind him. At the same time, anybody at the door was unlikely to even notice the case past the brightly lit monitor.

Jason had a video playing when his mother opened the door. She was treated to a time-laps video of the application of zombie makeup with a suitable rock song sound track coming from the headphones. His mother took one look at what was quickly turning into a grotesque zombie on the monitor, then gave up and pulled the door closed as she went away.

Once she was gone, Jason turned the volume down. His parents gave up easy as long as he didn't remind them he was there. He would hide out in his room until they went to bed, then he would sneak down to the kitchen to get something for dinner. Jason readjusted his monitor and seat to a more comfortable set up, knowing that his night was settling back down.

He felt a darkness starting to weigh him down as he got comfortable at his desk. It was turning into another weekend like too many others had been in the past. A weekend where the best he could hope for was to be ignored. But then his eyes fell on the corner of the desk where Nichole's card waited.

Jason smile. It was little more than an up-turn at the corners of his mouth, but it came with a lift in his spirits. Yes, life at home was just more of the same, but he had met someone special. A woman that had let him feel as if he really did count as a real person.

It wasn't very late in the evening yet, but Jason was feeling hesitant. He had enjoyed his time with Nichole, and she had seemed to have enjoyed the time spent together as well. It had been a time that had made him feel good, made him feel happy, and Jason wanted more of that. He wanted to be happy and have fun with Nichole. But Jason never had a girlfriend. He didn't know if he should wait or call right away. Finally he decided to take a safe, middle path. He decided to send Nichole a text message.

"Hello, Nichole," His message began, "I just wanted to thank you for your help and kindness today. I have made it home safely. I hope to see you again soon. J."

It was hours later when Jason finally went to bed. He had watched a few videos about makeup application, but while his creative side was interested in learning about using it, the videos just didn't capture his attention. He went back to his usual habit of studying mixed with breaks for watching anime until he was ready to brave a trip to the kitchen. Once he had a full stomach, he was ready for bed. Undressing for bed, he paused to consider the pantyhose he still had on after his shower. They felt good against his skin, and gave him a thrill that was a little embarrassing. Finally he took the time to take them off and hide them, simply because he knew he didn't want to risk his sister barging in on him in the morning and catch him sleeping in them.

*

Nichole was not really surprised to get a text message from a number she didn't know. She got a lot of new clients from word of mouth, so a randomly timed text message or phone call to arrange an appointment or ask about rates was not unusual. She had been with a client when the message been sent to her, so she had only glanced at it to see if it was from anybody on her VIP list. Seeing an unknown number, Nichole had left it for later.

Later had been after a second client, the drive home, a late dinner, and a large glass of wine. Nichole was just enjoying a bite of overpriced candy bar when she remembered to check her text message, in the hope that it was from her Jacey. She couldn't help but smile broadly after opening it and seeing that was from her new little friend. His short message gave her plenty of reasons to smile.

The first was that he was safe. The world can be a dangerous place for a girl. And even more so for a boy presenting as a girl. He also had seen her attention as a kindness, and not as something that was forced upon him or a burden in some way. And he wanted to see her again. That was more than enough reason for her to smile.

But Nichole had noticed a key little detail. Jacey had signed his message with just his first initial. While he had not used Jacey, he had also not used his given name, which was probably something masculine. Jacey had also not given his last name. All this told Nichole that Jacey was still flexible about his personal identity. Nichole knew she could continue to call her new friend Jacey, and she would, as she helped him discover his self identity.

*

Jason managed to get an early start on his Sunday. It would have been nice if the library was open on Sundays, because then he could get out of the house to go study there. True, the internet was more than enough for any homework he had to get done, and he had gotten it done before finally going to bed, but his parents remembered studying in the library, so they never challenged the idea he needed to do the same on occasion.

Without the convenient excuse of going to the library, Jason decided on evasion instead of deception to get away from the house for the day. He pulled an old, school backpack out of his closet, one he had retired because it was looking stained and worn, but it was still usable. He stashed the bikini top and pantyhose into the pockets of a light jacket that he then stuffed into the backpack. Next, he threw in a notebook he liked to scribble in, and a book he was reading for school. With his bag packed, he went to the kitchen for breakfast.

The house was quiet as he made his way to find breakfast. His mother was usually the first one awake on a Sunday morning, with his sister the last. Jason didn't expect his parents to still be upset with him, because he wasn't important enough to stay in their minds, but he didn't like to tempt fate too much. After a quick breakfast, and hand washing the dishes so he wouldn't be leaving a mess behind, he added a water bottle to his backpack. Slipping out the back door, Jason grabbed his bicycle and made good his escape.