Decision

A few minutes later the old man checks his watch an starts to stand up. "I am afraid I have to leave little girl, maybe we will see each other again and drink another cup. It is always a pleasure to share a good cup of tea with a fellow tea enthusiast." "Thank you again for the tea and yes I would enjoy sharing another cup with you." I rise as well to give him my hand for a farewell shake, but he is already turning away from me. I watch silently as he continues to walk away.

'Strange old man', I think to myself, 'nice but strange'.

I suddenly remember why I left the house today. I wanted to find something to cook and then got lost. It is really strange how I got lost so quickly today, normally I have a very good sense of direction, even in the camp I always know my way around. Maybe it has something to do with the changes in my appearance, but why would my appearance have anything to do with my sense of direction. And this is by far not the strangest thing today, people are staring at me, not the angry or predator kind of staring, but I can feel a lot of curious and maybe appreciative gazes directed at me. It's the same kind of gazes garnered by exotic animals or half-remembered celebrities like the people think they should know me.

Now that I notice it, it's kind of unnerving. Even the cleaning craze from this morning is very unusual, it's not that I dislike cleaning or something, but I have never been all that good at paying enough attention to my surroundings to be a good housekeeper. Normally I don't even notice the dust in my room until it piles up in the corners behind my door. And I have never been any good in the kitchen. This is too strange.

Maybe it is because of the clean air so close to the sea or it is just that the weight from the memories is not as present outside the house, but my thoughts are clearer than they have been in a long time. But now that I am alone, and standing there aimlessly, the people's gazes are becoming more brazen and I am starting to feel uneasy. Even with my new happy and jovial mood, there is a small voice inside me that is warning me that too much attention is dangerous in a city like Brockton Bay.

When I look around me I notice that there are more and more people gathering, its time for lunch and those who can afford it are coming to the Boardwalk to enjoy a good meal. It is probably safer for me to wait out the masses in one of the shops. While searching for a suitable shop, one small and empty enough for me to disappear in, I notice a corner store called "Stranger Things and Fashion". It seems nice enough, with a very colorful display of clothes and carnival accessories and most importantly, there are very few people inside.

When I enter the store there is no bell or any other way to inform the people inside of my entry, so it goes unnoticed. Further back in the store I can hear people talking, but it is too far away to understand, or at least it should be. The moment I think about the faint murmuring my hearing sharpens to the point I can understand every word spoken. Two people are talking about a masquerade ball kind of event during the next charity gala and the kind of clothes they and their kids are going to wear. I am mentally adding enhanced senses to my 'weird shit that happened today' list. It is growing kinda long.

Enhanced senses have their advantages, one of them is being able to sneak through a store until you get to the changing rooms in the back fast and easy. I even manage to sneak in a pretty looking dress in case someone notices me afterward. Miraculously it is even in my size, a beautiful princess dress from an old earth Aleph movie called "Three wishes for Cinderella." according to the tag on the inside. It feels soft and is way too expensive, but a girl can dream. Trying it on once won't hurt, it is just too beautiful to put back without wearing it at least once.

When I look around for a hook to put the dress on, I stumble across the full-sized mirror in the back of the changing cabin and one look at myself leaves me stunned. Maybe it was the bad light from the half a century old lightbulb at home or the fact that the bathroom mirror at home is too small to admire myself in all my glory, but here in this changing room in a random store, I can not help but stare at my own reflection. I am beautiful, when I thought before that my own features had been enhanced I did not allow for the knowledge of how much I have changed to sink in. It is not just an enhancement of my face, not even my whole body, it is an enhancement of everything that is me. From head to toes, from the smoothness and perfection of my hairstyle to the new almost regal way I am carrying myself.

I have become a completely different person and no one would recognize it to be me without looking really closely. It is like good old Tayler Hebert has been replaced with a perfect version of herself, with red eyes. The red eyes are the only external thing hinting at the fact, that this is more than a mere enhancement. My feelings, the way I perceive things, the way others perceive me and even the way I perceive myself has changed. Add the knowledge of cooking recipes, the cleaning craze of that morning and the total lack of a sense of direction and I am sure that more than just my outside has changed.

I did not expect to have my first identity crisis in the changing room of a fashion store, life is funny that way. Even the whimsical way my thoughts are moving could be part of my change? enhancement? transformation? I don't know the right word, but this is more than science or my lack of attention during the last few months can explain. Heck, now that I can see my changed self in the mirror I can see that even my boobs have become bigger. Bigger than Emmas, which she would have noticed, even in her rage yesterday.

But as beautiful as I am right now, this is not me. Not Taylor Hebert, not the daughter of Annette Hebert and Daniel Hebert, this is a stranger.

The moment I think about not being my mother's daughter anymore something clicks in my head and after a moment of dizziness the person in the mirror changes. It is like part of her has deflated, the eyes, lips, hair and even the boobs change and there is Taylor Hebert, not an enhanced or changed version of herself, but good old Taylor, daughter of Annette Hebert and Daniel Hebert.

It's almost a relive, to feel like myself again, Emma would recognize me now. No, no Emma wouldn't even look at me. She hates me, what have I done, why didn't I stay and talked to her. She is my best friend, my sister, the light of my life. Except she isn't anymore. Panic, treat, anger, guilt start to flood my veins and I am shacking from the brutal mixture of emotions. Tears are flooding from my eyes at the same time as a scream start to build in my throat.

Emma, Emma has left me, she called me a pest, filth to be thrown away like garbage. This is not how our reunion was supposed to go, she should have been glad to see me, should have smiled at me like she always does and we would have talked and played together like we have since kindergarten.

"Why, why, why did she betray me, what did I do?" Even to my own, unenhanced ears my voice sounds broken, lost like a frog at the end of its lifespan. She didn't even scream at me, I wasn't even worth the attention. Thrown away like dirt.

I break down, crouching on the floor swaying back and forth while sobbing like there is no tomorrow. And to me, there isn't, because I, Taylor Hebert, can not exist without my loved ones and they have forsaken me in death, apathy, and enmity. There is nothing left for me to live for. Maybe that is why I had turned in this beautiful stranger with hair as black as ebony, lips as red as the rose, skin as white as snow and eyes like a warm hearth.

And suddenly it is gone, all the pain, the feeling of loss, even Emma becomes merely an afterthought and the stranger is back. No, I am the stranger now. I choose to be the stranger now because being myself is just too painful. It is my decision.

And as I stand up, wish away the tears and straighten my clothes I decide, that I will embrace this new side of myself until the day I can be confident that I can endure being my old self again. Until then I will enjoy this new body, these new senses, my new mindset and I will start with trying on this beautiful new dress right here and now. And then I will try every other piece of clothing in this store that meets my fancy.