I was deep asleep when I felt him.
The covers were draped across my waist and he pulled them up to my shoulders before his hand curved around my neck. I slowly opened my eyes, seeing his crystal blues in the darkness. It must have been only a few hours since our dinner, but I couldn't tell as his fingers threaded through my wild curls.
He didn't say anything, but his hand brushed the shell of my ear for a few moments before he cracked a small smile. My lips parted and my eyes closed of their own accord at his touch.
"What do you want, Tristan?"
"You." He said quietly, huffing a laugh when I moved my head away from his hand. "Right now? I wanted to see if you'd like to get out of here—maybe go out to shift."
He caught my attention with that. I quickly sat up in bed and stared at him excitedly. "Really?" I questioned, calming down when he gazed back at me with a small grin. I contained my excitement and threw the covers over me, sliding off the bed. "I've never shifted in the snow before."
Tristan stood up with me and walked passed me towards my wardrobe. "The air is crisper here—breathing in in wolf form is much more refreshing." He emerged shirtless and I could tell that he had placed the sweater he was wearing among my clothes.
I curved a hand around my elbow and watched him curiously. "Why do you leave your sweaters in my wardrobe?"
He lifted his gaze to mine and didn't say anything as he walked towards the door. "Are you coming or not?"
I sighed and followed him down the stairs, allowing myself the blissful moments of the descent to stare at his exposed skin. My hands yearned to slide against his skin, and he must've sensed it because he suddenly stopped on the last step. I collided straight into him and wrapped my arms around his waist before I could fall backwards.
My head rested against his shoulder blade for a few moments and I felt the warmth spread through me before I stepped back and cleared my throat. He threw me a glance over his shoulder, and from the cocky smirk on his face, I knew he found satisfaction from my touch.
He stepped down onto the landing and lead me towards the door. When he pulled it open, I felt the gust of air that came from the crispy snow that covered the ground. I took a deep inhale, suddenly wondering why I had never been outside in the two weeks I had been there.
"I've never been so happy to smell fresh air before," I muttered to myself, widening my eyes in shock as Tristan tugged on the zipper of his jeans. "What are you doing?"
He turned to face me and yanked his jeans down, exposing his strong legs before he kicked them off his ankles. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting ready to shift."
My face heated up very quickly, but I controlled the desire to rake in all of his exposed skin. He was breathtaking. I had almost forgotten what to do to prepare for a shift. My heart almost dropped when I realised I had to take my clothes off too.
"Turn around, Tristan."
His features were strong and defined, almost unmoving as he ran his gaze over the length of my body. I refrained from doing the same. "You're beautiful, Kara." He slowly turned around and my gaze dropped to his broad shoulders. "I won't look—the first time you bare yourself to me, I want you in my arms."
I shivered at his words, slowly pulling at my sweater until I tugged it over my head, reaching around my back to unclip my bra. I let it fall to the floor, feeling the air dance across my skin as I decided to keep my underwear on.
"You go first." I softly said, staring at the tightly closed fists at his side.
He took one slow step forward before breathing out heavily and leaning towards the snow. His hands and knees sunk into the ice and right before my eyes, his limbs shifted and I felt his raw power as his grand dark grey wolf shadowed the doorway.
I gasped softly and stepped towards him instinctively to thread my fingers through his fur. He still didn't turn towards me and a low growl vibrated through him as I stepped back.
The shift was slightly painful and my bones cracked as they readjusted to fit my form. My wolf was smaller than his and darker in colour, I noticed as I stepped forward, nuzzling my head in his side.
And with that, we set off into the snow.
It was sunrise when we finally shifted back. Tristan stepped through the door, running his fingers through his snow-covered hair. The temperature of our skin slowly melted the ice until there was a puddle of water at both our feet. I quickly reached for the sweater, covering my body as he pulled on his jeans.
"Wasn't that amazing?" Tristan asked, a light in his eyes as he turned towards me.
I smiled despite myself and nodded, feeling lighter after the shift. It had been amazing—being outside with my heightened senses made the two weeks in isolation worth it. Running made me feel free. "I have to do that more often."
Tristan stepped towards me and lifted his heavenly lips into a small smile. "Anything you want, I'll give it to you." Before I could expect it, his hands slid around my waist, tugging me straight against his naked chest. Like earlier, he wedged his hand in my hair and tipped my head back. The tip of his nose traced my jaw as he brushed his lips against my ear. "I know the mate pull doesn't affect you like it affects me, but fuck, Kara. I want you so bad."
I tensed in his hold, feeling his muscles flex as my hand curled around his forearm. I made a move to pull away from him, but he took my hesitance as an opportunity to mould our lips together. I couldn't resist him when he was that close and relaxed into the kiss, feeling his hand tighten around my curls.
My hand dropped from his arm when he caged me against his body with a stronger grip. It was like he was trying to merge us into one person and his mouth moved against mine, slowly and sensually. I almost let him have his way with me before he pulled back with a hooded gaze.
"We should clean the melted ice up and wash ourselves off." His finger trailed down my nose and rested on my lips. "Don't take too long—I want to have breakfast with you before I go."
I leaned back into his hand buried in my hair. "Where are you going?" I asked as I couldn't stop the frown that pulled at my mouth.
His fingers slowly caressed my head. "Why?" he lightly smirked. "Are you going to miss me?"
Frowning deeper, I withdrew from him with a sigh and almost went passed him before he pulled me back into his arms.
"I'm kidding, Kara. I have a meeting with my beta." He paused and smiled softly, pressing his nose against my temple. "Do you want me to stay?"
Unsurprisingly, my heart ached at the thought of him leaving and me being alone again. The more time you spent with your mate, the more the mate pull strengthened, and I was beginning to feel the repercussions of spending so much time with him lately.
My face warmed but I didn't say anything, maybe because my pride stopped me from doing so. I manoeuvred my way around him and stepped onto the stairs before he spoke behind me.
"I'll stay. If you want, you can meet my beta—he's Brielle's mate."
I spun around at the mention of Brielle and my face lit up with an excited smile. "Is Brielle coming too?"
"I can tell her to come and keep you company during the meeting." His eyes were trained on my smile and it was like he couldn't look away from me. Then, a small frown pulled at his lips, gone too quickly for me to see it for long, but I wondered what he was upset about.
Maybe because I never smiled like that whenever he was around.
I was about to turn back around before I hesitated and directed a smile his way. "Thank you, Tristan."
He smiled a small smile in response and let the silence drift between us as I reluctantly made my way upstairs. As he asked, I kept my shower brief and dried off in my bedroom before pulling on some new clothes.
The wardrobe was stocked with practically everything I needed plus a few of his sweaters, which I was sure he thought I needed, and I found myself impressed with how he accommodated me since I came to the Underworld—Greenland.
It had been twenty minutes later when I heard him in his room. The sound of water streaming through the showerhead stopped and I could hear his bare feet against the floorboards as he changed. I decided to stop wasting time listening to him and made my way back downstairs to the kitchen.
I started on breakfast since we seemed to be the only people in the house (I knew that Tristan had his own personal chef) and made a full English breakfast for him since he could eat for an entire country. I had discovered that when he had a total of six fajitas at dinner when I could only stomach two.
He came down with a towel around his neck when I was plating his breakfast and before I could wonder what took him so long to change, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my cheek and lingered for a few long moments.
"I wanted to make you breakfast, but thank you."
I didn't say anything but slid his plate towards him as he lifted it to sit on the island. I decided on a bowl of cereal as I sat in front of him, quietly eating as he dug in too. When my gaze fell upon him from what seemed like the thousandth time, I found myself captivated by the glow of his skin and how his jaw tensed with every bite.
It was like he got even more handsome every time I looked at him. It made me wonder if people would be so quick to call him a beast if they saw how heavenly he looked without even trying.
'He's one of the most misunderstood out of all the alphas.'
Brielle's words came back to me and I spooned another mouthful in as I dropped my gaze from him. To him, I must have been another person who misunderstood him and didn't bother looking past the rumours.
He quickly scarfed down his meal in the time it took me to eat a small bowl of cereal and stood up to clean his plate as the doorbell rang. I instantly perked up and sniffed the air to catch Brielle's scent before I quickly made my way to the door before pulling it open.
I just about saw her wide grin when I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. "Brielle! It's so good to see you!"
Her arms came around me and she hugged me back as she spoke into my shoulder. "I told you I'd be back, didn't I?"
She pulled back and grinned brightly at me. It was then I saw the man behind her, who I instantly knew was Tristan's beta. He exuded power too and watched me curiously before bowing his head.
Brielle turned back to her mate and linked their fingers like it was second nature and looked at him with pure love in her eyes as she introduced him. I wondered if I'd ever look at Tristan like that.
"This is my mate, Christian. Christian, this is Kara."
He smiled at me and stepped into the house when I opened the door wider. "It's nice to finally meet you, Luna."
Before I could correct him, Tristan emerged from the kitchen. I didn't miss the way his eyes dropped to look at their joined hands before he contemplated reaching for my hand and seemingly deciding against that.
I quickly noticed that if it wasn't a kiss, Tristan never initiated any other sort of affectionate contact between us—maybe because he knew that a kiss was harder to resist on my part. I wrapped my arms around myself as Tristan regarded his beta couple with a fond smile.
"Thank you for coming on short notice, Christian." He laid his hand on his shoulder and curved it against the side of his neck. "I appreciate it. I understand it's a bit of an inconvenience not to meet in the usual place."
Christian waved it off and smiled at him. "It's no trouble—I understand why you'd want to stay here."
Tristan returned the smile and I stared at his lips with a newfound interest. The relationship between him and his beta seemed warm yet had its boundaries, and I could already see how much Christian seemed to respect him, which meant that the rumour that his entire pack feared him must have been a lie.
He seemed like the type of alpha who ruled on solid respect and love rather than fear and death. I felt uncomfortable having believed another one of the rumours and looked to Brielle who was already staring at me.
She offered me a smile and turned to press a kiss to Christian's cheek. "Do you want us to leave?"
Tristan shook his head. "This actually concerns Kara so you can sit in if you want."
I was curious and followed quietly behind Tristan as he went to take a seat on the couch. I lingered when Christian and Brielle took their space on the other one, sitting very close together. I didn't know whether to sit right next to him or against the armrest.
Before it could get awkward, I took a seat beside him. I knew if I didn't, not only would be embarrassing for him in front of his betas but upsetting. I couldn't find it in myself to upset him, so I sucked up the reluctance of public affection and leaned my head against his shoulder.
I could feel his surprise from the way he tensed, but he masked it well as he threw an arm around my shoulder. This felt nice.
He wasted no time and began speaking. "I'm sure that the whole pack knows that I've found my mate so I'll be announcing it at the next hunt."
My heart dropped in anxiousness at the thought of being introduced to an entire pack of people I didn't know, but another part of me told me that I was meant to be their Luna.
He then spoke directly to me, but he seemed more serious—like he was in full alpha mode. "I've always followed a certain way of welcoming new wolves. They have to earn their place among the pack, and although you're my mate, you'll have to go through it too."
I had an inkling of what he was talking about. The general understanding of the way wolves were welcomed into his pack was a one on one fight. A shiver coursed through me when I remembered what someone said at my old pack. It was a brutal fight and survival was vital in securing a place.
I stopped breathing and lifted my head from his shoulder to look him in the eye. He was dead serious and I was suddenly dead uncomfortable. I had little combat knowledge, especially since I was mainly concerned with nature. If it was a fight to the brink of death, I was sure I'd pass that threshold and actually die.
Tristan watched me cautiously for a few moments before he continued. "You're going to be a leader. You have to prove that if anything happens to me, you'll be able to lead the way I do."
His words elicited too many feelings from me at once. On the one hand, I was scared at the thought of having to fight with someone who had already had the training, I mean they wouldn't be in his pack if they didn't. And on the other hand, there was an unsettling feeling in my chest at the thought of something happening to Tristan.
Whatever I wanted to say died on my lips when I looked over to Christian and Brielle who, while looking a bit disheartened, didn't seem that all surprised. I was though—although I was just as much wolf as they were, fighting wasn't in my nature.
Suddenly, being in his pack was the last thing I wanted. I didn't say anything and kept my thoughts to myself, nodding weakly as I subtly distanced myself from his warmth as he continued speaking to Christian about pack matters. I couldn't bring myself to look at Tristan and instead directed my gaze towards Brielle.
"Brielle? Could we go on a walk?"
She hesitated to answer as she glanced at Tristan for permission and I sighed, standing up.
"We're going for a walk, come on." I didn't stop for Tristan's approval as I slipped on my shoes and pulled on one of his coats. I didn't even look back at him when I opened the door and stepped out onto the snow, hearing Brielle following me after a few moments.
She closed the door behind her and fell into step with me as I walked aimlessly, tucking my hands into the pockets.
"Are you okay, Kara?" she asked slowly. "It's about what Alpha Tristan said, isn't it?" she took my silence as a cue to continue. "I know you're probably not used to the ways of our pack, but he's right. People are going to want to see that you're worthy of being our Luna and his mate."
"Am I worthy?" I responded bitterly, breathing in the crisp air and focusing on the way the snow crunched under my shoes. "Forgive me for what I'm about to say—I don't want to be here. I would rather be at my old pack with my mother instead of having to fight someone just so I can be welcomed into the pack. This isn't helping my reluctance towards accepting the change in my life."
Brielle didn't say anything for a long time. "It's scary, I know. I went through the same thing when I met Christian, but you'll be okay. I was trained by my mate, which means Tristan will train you. He's the best in all areas of combat."
Somehow, her words weren't comforting at all.
"And you won't die if that's what you're scared about. If it gets to that point, he'll stop the fight."
I winced. "That's even worse. Then, the pack definitely won't deem me worthy enough to be Luna, and there's no way I'd want to stay here."
"It isn't as bad as it sounds, Kara. The odds are in your favour—this pack hasn't had a Luna in years, almost two decades and your mate is one of the strongest alphas ever known. You are worthy."
When I caught the scents of other people, I purposely steered clear of the houses that were all in close proximity within each other and found myself on the trail that Tristan and I had run a few hours before.
I didn't say anything more to Brielle about the subject since there were just some things she shouldn't have had to hear, like how bad I wanted to go home, more than ever. I also had an overwhelming urge to call my mother again.
We stood in silence when we reached the end of the trail and I stared at the same sky that I had gazed upon when it was sunrise. The day had started off so peacefully and I felt more comfortable to be here in the Underworld, but just thinking of being in a fight to the death destroyed that all.
I was beginning to question if I could truly accept everything that came with being Tristan's mate.
After what felt like half an hour, Brielle's eyes glazed over and she turned to face me. I waited patiently since she was probably speaking to Tristan and sighed when she confirmed it.
"Their meeting is up. We should probably get back."
I shook my head. The part of me that didn't want to face Tristan triumphed and I looked back to the sky. "You can go back. I need to clear my head for a bit."
She faltered and a frown pulled at her lips as she laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I can't tell you what to do, but I'd hate to see you go back to your old pack. If you didn't belong here, Tristan would never have brought you home."
Home. The word sounded foreign to me since my home was hundreds of miles away.
I mustered up a smile that I know she didn't believe as she slowly turned around, picking up her pace into a slow jog to get back quicker. After a while, I couldn't hear her footfalls and I decided to form a snowman to kill some time and get my mind off things.
First came the bottom half, then the top and lastly, its small round head. I had been carving eyes into the snowman when I felt him coming closer. He still wasn't in sight, but the way my body buzzed told me all I needed to know.
I continued to smooth out the snowman's head as he came up close behind me. He turned out to be a smart man because he didn't make a move to touch me and instead stood in silence. Where his presence was meant to make me feel calmer, it only made me feel worse. Sure, I knew of his pack's customs before I came, but it didn't change the fact that I'd have to do something I would never want to do.
Fight someone with the risk of either getting killed or killing someone else. What ifs swarmed my mind. What if I took it too far and accidentally killed whoever I had to fight? I couldn't live with that on my conscience. It was like Tristan was asking too much of me.
I didn't want to learn lethal places to attack someone's body. I didn't want to learn how to knock someone out or how to punch someone properly.
I was about nurture, not destruction. Tristan and I were complete opposites.
"Kara..." He called quietly, reaching out for me after a long while of standing in silence. I dodged his advance and accidentally knocked the snowman's head off in my haste to move away from him.
Sighing, I knocked over the snowman and shook my head at Tristan. "I don't want to hear it—honestly. I'm not fighting anyone."
"It's the way I've always done it, Kara. I can't change the rules for you—it'll make me look weak to others." He didn't make a move to reach out for me again and stuck his hands in his coat pockets instead. "And you won't officially be a part of the pack unless you earn your place."
I turned to him with brewing anger. "What about if I don't want the place I should supposedly earn?" I fired, crossing my arms. "I never asked to be a part of your pack—that's what you want. I don't want to risk dying just so your wolves can see me as their leader."
"You won't lose, Kara. No one will. It's just so we can see how you'll fare if there's a war or battle. You can't be my Luna if you can't prove that you can defend the pack."
Violence wasn't in my blood. So why the hell was my mate the embodiment of violence?
At that moment, being Tristan's mate was the last thing I wanted.
"Then," I began, lifting my gaze to see his troubled expression. "I don't want to be your Luna."