School Story - 002

On Saturdays, my shift doesn't start till five. It's only on Tuesdays and Sundays that I work most of the day. That's another thing for me to consider. If I start going back to school, I'll lose my shift on Tuesdays. That'd be quite a lot of money lost. To be honest, I might not be able to afford losing that shift.

Since I finished mowing Massimo's lawn in the morning, I have a lot of time to think to myself before work. To mull over what Massimo said to me. What he offered me.

School.

I don't know if I could really deal with going back. It would be difficult getting back into school. Not as in the work would be difficult to keep up with, but just it wouldn't feel right to go back. I would feel like I really belong there. That I shouldn't really be there.

I never enjoyed school. I don't think that would be different just because I'm going to a different school. I'm sure that no matter what school I'm going to, it won't matter. It will still just be a place where I feel out of place.

It might even be worse at a new school. Especially starting this late in the year. I'll be a newcomer. An outsider.

Going to school would give me a future, however. With an education, I could get much further than just here. Of course, when I came here, when I left Wellington, I was fully prepared and understood that it meant I wouldn't be going to school.

That I wouldn't be getting an education anymore. I'd already dismissed the idea, and contented myself to living out my days here.

Here in this city, working low paying jobs, and just making my way through life as best as I could. I don't need to go to school for that. I don't need any more than I already have to achieve that. And I think that I could live my entire life like that.

Without a worry. Without any regrets.

Just after noon, Tayla came over. I hadn't been expecting her, but I was happy to see her. She wasn't totally unexpected. Tayla had told me that she might come over at some point, probably in the weekend, last time that I saw her.

And I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy hanging out with her. No, rather, I would be lying if I said I didn't want to go out with her.

And yet…

I don't quite know what our relationship is at the moment. What it would be classified as. I don't think that we're lovers, and yet I don't think we're friends either.

We've been on two dates. On our second date, we kissed and held hands, but nothing more than that. I don't know what that means.

I feel kind of useless, or stupid, for not knowing enough of anything.

Also, I understand that there's something obvious that I haven't done yet. I could just ask Tayla how she feels. That is, after all, probably the obvious thing to do. Or perhaps, even, the only thing to do. We haven't talked about it at all. I don't think we avoided the topic; it just never came up.

But perhaps we need to talk about it. Because this unclear unexpressed relationship makes me anxious. I can't help but worry about it.

"Don't you think that words like unreal or surreal are unnecessary?"

"Sorry?"

"I mean, just think about it," Tayla continues, as if this is a perfectly acceptable way to greet someone, "why do we have words like that in the English language? Surely, we only need one of the two. Isn't it greedy to have both unreal and surreal?"

"I don't know if greedy is the right word…"

"Yeah, perhaps I should've said avaricious, but then why do we need both of those words? Greedy and avaricious. Unreal and surreal. Cockroach and Alexander…"

"Hang on…"

One of those wasn't like the other.

Tayla likes her strange wordplays, but this one seems oddly harsh. True, most of them are intended to make fun of me, but usually they aren't as mean-spirited as this.

For a moment I can't tell if she's joking or not.

But then, she smiles and giggles.

"Sorry, I just had to prepare you."

"Prepare me for what?"

"Later on in the story, there's going to be characters who aren't as nice to you as I am."

"What kind of half-assed, blatant foreshadowing is that?!"

Not that this is a story.

Or that real people should be referred to as characters.

Or that Tayla knows what's going to happen in the future.

"But really, I was just trying to put your mind at ease with a joke. You seem anxious. I didn't have anything prepared, however, so I just had to run with whatever came to mind first."

"I see…"

So, she usually prepares her mocking of me beforehand?

I'd always thought she came up with them all on the spot.

Either way, her wordplay, which this time around was below her usual standards, had succeeded in destressing me. I must've wound myself up just thinking about Massimo's offer over and over again.

"So, what is it?"

"Huh?"

"Like I said, you seem anxious. As if you've been thinking about something important."

"Yeah, one or two things."

"What is it?"

So, I told Tayla about Massimo's offer to help me get into school.

When I finished, Tayla blinked twice, then responded simply.

"What reason do you have to refuse? Even if you don't like school, it's certainly worth going. It's not like you have to finish it if you start again; you could just leave again at any time."

"It's not as simple as whether I want to be there or not. What Massimo's offering… it'd be illegal, right? Using a fake identity to attend school. And, if I do accept, I'll barely have enough money to pay for rent plus food. In fact, I should probably work out the numbers first, just to make sure."

"Yeah, but he offered, didn't he? I'm sure he understands that. And I'm sure if you needed help, I could convince my parents to gift you some food every week or two. They're really grateful for all you did, you know?"

"I couldn't accept that…"

What I did.

I didn't do anything.

I just let them know about what nearly happened to Tayla. And exposed the apparent corruptness of the Mother's Order to them.

Really, I did nothing.

But Tayla will say that I saved her. Perhaps she repeated that to her parents.

In reality, she probably saved me more than I saved her.

"You can, and will. If those are the only reasons that you aren't going to take Massimo's offer, then there's no conversation. You're going to school."

Tayla clearly seems quite determined about this. I'm not entirely sure why, but there's no harm in it. I'm sure she's right. That this is the right path to take for the time being. And, if I'm getting some food from Tayla's family, even if I have to cut back a bit, I'll still survive.

I guess I'll accept this for now.