Family Story - 015

"A hypocrite. You say that we took advantage of that girl and her family, yet you couldn't possibly have understood what drove them to seek us out. The very idea of family is alien to you, isn't it? It's the same with this. Your helping Angharad out even though you don't understand what would drive her to do this much for her brother. After all, you've never had a family member that you'd care enough about.

You aren't here because you like the notion of family, and are drawn to how much she cares for her brother. You just wanted to act the hero. Isn't that the same thing you did with Tayla? You wanted to act the hero, that's the only reason you got involved. It was selfish on your part, and all but forced Tayla to be grateful to you."

"That's wrong…"

No, that's right.

If there is anything that I've been the past four months since I arrived in Christchurch, it's that I've been a hypocrite. A huge hypocrite.

With Tayla, I only helped her because of my selfish reasons.

With Arthur it was the same. I still only talk to him because I pity him.

With AJ now, it's no different. She knew too. She knew what I was like and took advantage of me, but that doesn't excuse anything.

I mean, if I really cared about AJ's brother, I would at least know his name by now, wouldn't I?

"No, I'm right. I can tell by the look on your face. Everyone you've helped; you realise now that it's all one big farce. That's what you see. That you only ever did it for yourself. It was nothing to do with other people. You just wanted to help yourself."

Help myself. He's right. Wasn't that what I said when I first came here?

That I wanted to become a better person?

That I wanted to be honest and kind?

That I didn't want to pretend to see things that weren't there?

Yes, that's why. That's why I even came here.

So that I could get away from miserable life in Wellington, and start anew.

So that I could make myself that better person.

I took a deep breath.

And looked Ray in the eye.

"Your right. It's absolutely undeniably, absolutely true, that all I am is a hypocrite. But what's wrong with that? Does it take away from what I've done, even if I only did it for myself? No, I don't think so. What I've done isn't any less valuable, because it wasn't altruistic. It didn't matter to any of them that I wasn't doing it for them. Maybe I'm no hero, I've only done what I wanted to, after all. But that doesn't mean that what I did was worthless. It still has meaning."

"So what? Your saying that even if you're a hypocrite, it doesn't matter? That you'll keep at it all the same."

"Of course. It never had anything to do with playing the hero in the first place. I just wanted to be a better person. To like who I was as a person. So, you're right. I was just being selfish, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that, is there?"

Ray sighs, "your name?"

"Huh?"

"What is your name, boy. It occurred to me that I don't know it."

"Alexander Giovanna."

"That smells as if it isn't really your name, but whatever… Alexander Giovanna, I hate you."

For a moment I'm shocked, but then I smile at him.

"Just so you know, the feeling's mutual."

"I could tell."

Ray shrugged, and opened his palms in a questioning gesture, "what happens now? I imagine that neither you nor Angharad are going to give up now."

"No, we're not. I'm going to make sure that one way or another, you aren't going to be able to sell your drugs to her brother anymore."

"Hmm. But you're wasting your time trying to convince me, and you don't have anything you can offer me in return, right?"

"Yeah, there probably isn't anything smart left for me to do. In fact, there's only really one thing left I can do. I'm sure it won't go well, and I doubt it'll change anything, but it's all I've got left."

"That doesn't really sound like a great choice for you."

"You're right. I'm probably making a mistake."

And with that, I charged at Ray. There was only three metres between us, so I was sure I could close the distance in no time, but he reacted so fast. He must've been expecting me.

He took a step back, taunting me as he took off his sunglasses for the first time.

"It's useless, boy. There's no way that you'll even be able to touch me."

I lunged forward again, but this time Ray didn't dodge away. Instead he just stared at me. His eyes. I hadn't been able to see them before, but there was something incredibly strange about them.

They were gold. It wasn't just the colouring, it felt like they had the depth of that metal too, somehow. There was something incredibly alluring about them. Like it was trying to draw me in.

There was something hidden behind that though. Those golden eyes reminded me of a bird of prey. A predator watching from above, ready to swoop down and dig its' claws into their prey at the opportune moment. Those eyes, the eyes of a predator, are the real eyes of Ray Starcrawler.

I broke eye contact with him, and focused all my energy into my left fist, my dominant hand, as I brought it up and around into the bottom of his jaw.

Somehow, Ray hadn't been expecting it. He didn't try to defend himself at all. In fact, I'm not sure what he was trying to do. His head spun to the side, and there was a satisfying crunching noise from where my knuckles connected to his jawbone.

Though I wasn't strong enough to knock him over with a single punch, I managed to send Ray onto the back foot. He staggered, and took a haphazard step or two back.

"What? Why didn't it work?"

Ray had a look of confusion on his face. He stared at me, and then looked back at AJ for a second.

Now! In his moment of distraction, whilst he's still on the backfoot, I need to press my advantage. I can't pretend that I'm an expert fighter. I've never even done karate or jujitsu, or anything of the like. In fact, that fight against those thugs when I first met Tayla, that was the first time I've been in a fight.

So, whilst I have no clue whether this was the right move, some instinct spoke to me, and told me to rush in. To push my advantage.

But, that instinct betrayed. I guess I shouldn't trust my amateurish fighting instincts.

Despite his apparent distraction, or perhaps he was faking it all along, Ray blocked my next blow with ease, using his forearm to blunt the impact.

It left me wide open, and Ray didn't hesitate. He quickly jabbed me twice in the stomach, leaving me gasping for air. Even whilst I was still comprehending this, he took out my legs with a wide swinging kick.

As I fell, Ray moved swiftly on his feet, grabbed my left arm, twisted it behind my back, and pushed me onto the ground. I tried to raise my head, but Ray put his boot on the back of my head.

"Stay still," he spoke gruffly. I felt an immense amount of force on my arm, and a build up of pressure at my shoulder. Then…

Crack!

"Ahhhh!" I couldn't stop myself from crying out in pain. This was way worse than anything I'd felt when I fought against those thugs.

"Ah, you shouldn't have gone and done that, Alexander," Ray mocked me, "what did that gain you? I can't believe it, you're still trying to play the hero, aren't you? You know, heroes are always fighting for something greater than themselves, but what are you fighting for, Alexander? There's nothing to be gained from this."

I'm still struggling to catch my breath after getting the wind knocked out of me. My face is still squished into the pavement, and I've got dust in my eyes, but I do my best to answer him.

"I'm not trying to be a hero, not anymore. I just want to do what I want to do. I just want to do what I can do. It might be hypocritical of me, and maybe naïve to think a kid like me can make any difference, but I want to at least try and get rid of scum like you."

Just as I squeeze out the last few words, I hear laughter from above me. I'm not sure who's laughing, but I can tell that it isn't Ray.

"Well said, Chosen Child."