CHAPTER 9

I failed.

I failed as a friend.

I failed to save my friend and the growing life inside her.

Arina took her own life and left a note saying, "I tried all my might to be okay, I'm sorry I failed."

That time, I felt like the Earth lost its gravity and I've fallen into a deep abyss of misery.

That is when my demons started haunting me.

My demons attack whenever they feel like it.

I was devastated and almost lifeless.

I considered Arina not just a friend but also a sister.

An older sister that never made me feel that I was alone even though I am an only child. She protects me like how an older sister protects her younger sister.

A week after her burial, I started to feel the emptiness growing inside of me. I became distant with everyone.

It's like my mind has a body of its own that whenever I feel happy, it automatically reminds me of how that happiness destroyed my being.

Being happy has its consequences and the thought of it scares me.

The cheerful Ellie was gone.

I focused myself on studying to push away my demons.

I graduated with flying colors as a Cum Laude Bachelor of Science Education Major in English but my life is colorless. It is dull and plain.

No matter how hard I try to focus on something, my demons will always find a perfect way to distract me. They became more powerful, they almost succumb my whole being that lead to my suicidal tendencies.

Ironic, isn't it? I used to love life but here I am trying to end my life.

Oh, well. Life is not life without irony.