Thoughts or Inner Battle

"Hey, Hermione, can I talk to you for a minute?" James asked her uncertainly. Hermione straightened her spine and turned her head to look at her brother. She examined him carefully for a moment. There was something off…James seemed nervous. Her brother was disgustingly self-confident, arrogant even, nervous was extremely rare for James.

"Of course," she murmured with a slight frown. She followed James to a quiet corner of the common area where they could speak quietly.

"I need to talk to you about something important, but we have to talk outside," he said solemnly, still looking nervous. Hermione's eyes widened. She was shocked. She assumed that they wouldn't tell her about their animagus forms, but why else would they need to talk to her outside?

"Outside? Well, I suppose we can go now. Classes are done for the day," Hermione said with a false thoughtfulness. James shook his head.

"No, tonight," he said quietly. Hermione quirked a brow.

"You, James Potter, want your sister to sneak out of the castle, at night, to cavort on the grounds? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Hermione asked dryly. James rolled his eyes at her.

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny. This is…important," James said slowly. Hermione watched him for another minute.

"Can I bring Lily?" Hermione asked curiously. James' cheeks turned pink.

"Er, I haven't asked the blokes about her, just you," he muttered. Hermione nibbled her lower lip.

"Okay. Just me for now," Hermione said firmly. James smiled at her.

"Excellent," he said, clapped her on the shoulder, and then bounded off.

Hermione sat down heavily in an empty chair. What should she do? If they showed her their animagus forms, should she show them hers? Would they keep her secret? More importantly…would Peter keep her secret? This was potentially dangerous. Her alter ego was going to be the figurehead for her secretly rebellious Death Eaters. Therefore, it wasn't just her safety, but the safety of all of those future spies that relied upon her. Oh, hell. She couldn't talk to anyone else about this because no one else knew about the boys.

Just do it.

What, are you crazy?

No. Just do it, show them your animagus form. We're going to figure out how to take care of Peter, and neutralize him before he can hurt anyone. So there's no harm in showing them your pretty little kitty.

Ew, you make having an animagus sound dirty and wrong.

Hey, your mind's in the gutter. I wasn't even going there.

You are always going there. It's disturbing, frankly. How am I supposed to neutralize Peter? I can't obliviate him, although the idea is really tempting.

You know, I always wondered about Peter Pettigrew, and I think that your presence here has altered the conditions slightly. In the past, James was an arrogant ass. Peter hero worshipped him to the point of nausea, but James' arrogance and dismissal of Peter as important ended up backlashing on him in the worst possible way. You've kept James' arrogance to a minimum. He's managed to treat Peter the same way Harry treated Neville. I'm wondering if we won't end up seeing Neville class heroics from young Peter.

But wasn't Augusta Longbottom a large part of Neville's upbringing? I'm not sure if Peter has a grandmother quite like her.

You know…I don't know. Like I said, Harry played his cards very close to his chest. Maybe you could be Augusta Longbottom? I bet you could pull it off if anyone could.

Why do I feel as though you've just insulted me?

I thought you liked Augusta Longbottom?

Oh, I do. She's a very strong witch, and very powerful to boot.

Well, there you are then.

Wait, are you telling me I have to cultivate Peter? It's extremely difficult for me to be anywhere near him without throttling him.

Channel your inner Augusta. Let her cultivate him.

I'll have to think about that. I just…right now, I can't close my eyes without seeing Jamie lying there dead. I can barely stand to be in a room with him.

I know, trust me, I do. It's just…you could change it. He might never be that way.

I'll think about it.

Fine. That's all I'm asking.

That night, Hermione was going to sneak out of the castle using her nonverbal disillusion charm, and she was moving through the castle, toward the spot that James had told her to meet him, when she heard a muffled noise. She crept closer toward the noise when she saw something that made her positively ill. Two seventh year Slytherins, she thought it might be Crabbe and Pucey, but she couldn't be sure, were crucioing another student. He was younger—maybe a fourth year. She realized with a shock that it was Rabastan LeStrange. She had seen him speaking with Regulus once or twice, and she knew that they were friends—well, as close as Slytherins get to friends, anyway. Rabastan was doing his best to not cry out, but he panted heavily when they stopped.

"Just remember, Rabastan, your brother expects you to act like a pureblood should. That was just a friendly little reminder. Watch the company you keep," Crabbe spat out, and then the two older boys walked off. Hermione hurried forward.

"Are you alright?" She whispered, touching his arm with the tips of her fingers. He shuddered with the aftershocks of the cruciatus curse.

"Just fine," he rasped at her. "This is how I spend all my Wednesday evenings. Breaks up the monotony of the week, don't you know."

"Very well, stupid question to ask. Will you be able to get back to your dormitory without help?" She tried again.

"Probably. I'm sort of getting used to it," he muttered. Hermione's eyes widened in horror.

"You're only fourteen!" Hermione whispered. Rabastan glared at her.

"I'm not sure how things are done in your sort of family," he sneered at her. "But the LeStranges expect obedience and perfection. If we are stupid enough to forget that, we receive reminders."

"Right," she said coolly. "Pardon me for interrupting then. Carry on."

Hermione walked away swiftly. She'd pricked his pride, that was her mistake. In addition, she knew that because she was a 'blood traitor', most Slytherin students felt she didn't truly understand their positions, or the incredible pressure they were under from their families. She received plenty of pressure from her family—it was just that her father would never use the cruciatus curse on her to enforce good behavior. Neither would James. She supposed she ought to be grateful for small favors.

The moon was just a crescent in the sky, it would be awhile for the full moon. Hermione stepped on the grounds uncertainly. She knew where James had asked her to meet him, and she moved cautiously towards the lake. The sounds of night were all around her, and she could hear the sighing of the trees, and the buzzing of the night-time insects. Her vision, so much better thanks to her lioness, easily picked out four nervous teenage boys, shuffling by a tree. She moved toward them stealthily, far more at home in the dark than they were, and stood behind them for several moments, a sly smile tugging at her mouth.

"So what was sooo secret we needed to be out here to discuss it?" Hermione asked idly. The boys jumped as a group and turned to her in surprise.

"Don't do that, Hermione!" James gasped, his hand on his chest, his eyes wide. A half-smile played around Remus' lips. She held herself back from pouting. He'd probably smelled her, darn werewolves and their heightened senses.

"We've been working on something for a long time," Peter piped up, watching her cautiously. Hermione's eyes narrowed on him.

"Indeed?" She asked coolly, in her very best 'Augusta Longbottom' voice. Peter looked uncertainly toward Remus who shook his head slightly. Both boys looked at James. She sighed.

"Yeah, it was a project…and it took a couple years to complete," James said slowly.

"A long-range project? Why would the four of you waste your time on a long-range project? I mean no disrespect, but you aren't the most patient people I've ever come ever come across," Hermione said with a quick glance at all of them. Remus was the most patient of the lot, and even he usually gave in to his impatience rather quickly.

"Only three of us," Sirius said, with a quick glance at Remus. "And we chose to start the…er…long-range project for the fourth one of us."

Hermione looked immediately to Remus who was watching her nervously. The effects of being a werewolf were already changing him, altering him, into the tired man her other self had known. Faint scars traced across his face that were impossible to see in the dark, but she saw them. At sixteen, he already had traces of grey in his sandy brown hair. All of the signs were there if one had the eyes to see. She smiled gently at him, the same smile she usually bestowed on him, and he felt warmed by the strength and sincerity of her regard. Perhaps that was why he felt so protective of Hermione. She liked him as a person, and there were precious few of those sorts of people in his life.

"That was an admirable thing to do for a friend," she said softly, her eyes still on Remus. She turned toward James then and cocked her head.

"What was the purpose of the project?" She asked curiously. James had been watching her with wide eyes, as though he had never seen her before. He licked his lips nervously and looked at Sirius.

"Companionship to ease our friend's suffering," Sirius said slowly, watching her with those veiled eyes again. She nodded.

"Again, a very admirable thing to do, for one's friend," she said softly.

"Perhaps it would be best if you just showed her," Remus said at last, his impatience showing through. Hermione hid a smile, and tried to appear politely interested.

"Okay," said Peter, and he was suddenly a rat. Hermione held back the urge to stomp on him with her heeled shoe and end him, here and now.

"Peter," James muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes. He gave her a half-smile and a shrug and morphed into his stag form. She smiled genuinely then, a happy smile full of pride and love for her brother.

"I think he looks more handsome like this, don't you?" She asked Remus idly, rubbing his velvety nose.

"Mmm, I can't really comment on his handsomeness, but I would say it would be awfully hard for him to play Quidditch like that," Remus said mildly. "You're not surprised at all, are you?"

"Surprised?" Hermione echoed, glancing at Remus. "That your friends love you enough to do this for you? No, not at all. So, Sirius, what do you become?"

"Guess," Sirius said with a playful smile. Hermione cocked her head at him.

"Well, Peter's a rat, and James is a stag. Are you a toad?" She asked curiously, humor glinting in her hazel eyes.

"No!" Sirius looked offended. Hermione hid a smile and frowned thoughtfully.

"A rabbit, perhaps?" She asked. Remus snorted, and Sirius' eyes blazed at her.

"No," he bit out through clenched teeth.

"Hmm. I seem to be a terrible guesser," she said sadly. "Maybe you'd better just show me?"

Padfoot stood in front of her, in all his canine glory. He whuffed at her, and raised his head imperiously. Hermione grinned at him, she couldn't help it. His tongue lolled out at her, and he gave her a doggy grin back. He licked her hand and wagged his tail. She rolled her eyes at Remus.

"Full of himself, isn't he?" Hermione asked dryly. Remus gave her a slight half-smile.

"He usually is," he agreed. She looked at the three animagi and then turned to look at Remus.

"It helps then? To have them with you?" She asked. Remus truly smiled then, and his whole face lit up.

"Oh, yes," he said firmly.

"I see," she murmured thoughtfully.

"Hermione, if I may, you don't seem surprised by this at all," Remus said cautiously, rubbing the back of his neck. Hermione nibbled her lip.

"I don't?" she asked. Remus shook his head.

Er, no. It's like you expected it." He looked at his friends and then frowned slightly when his gaze returned to Hermione who appeared to be thinking rather intently about something.

"Yes, I suppose I did," Hermione finally said at last.

"But, why?" Remus asked her. She smiled at him, but her eyes were filled with secrets.