To Choose, or Not to Choose

For the first time in years, Sirius wasn't at Potter Manor for the Christmas holiday. Peter stopped by to visit for a day or two, and so did Remus, but Sirius was conspicuous by his absence. Hermione was used to spending most of her time in her tree house, or in the library, so she wasn't sure why Sirius' absence should affect her this much. Perhaps it was because now she knew that he liked her. That thought sent a fluttering feeling through her body, that she ruthlessly ignored for the moment. She snorted. Maybe. It was more likely because her reading time in the library wasn't being interrupted by the pounding of feet, or two boys ripping through the library to avoid her mother, or whooping as James and Sirius slid down the carved wood of the balustrade. James seemed mopey, and he followed her around and pestered her far more than she ever recalled him doing.

"Whatcha doing?" James asked morosely. Hermione lifted her head and stared at him.

"If mother hears you speak like that, she'll have a fit, James Potter," Hermione said with a slight sniff. He sighed heavily and sprawled in the chair next to her.

"Fine. What are you doing, sister dear?" He asked in an exaggerated manner. She snapped her book shut and turned to glare at him.

"I was reading. I suppose it's fun for you to mock me, but I'm the one who bears the brunt of any sort of tirade from mother. 'Hermione, dear, one does hope that you might be an influence on James.' I should tell her that it's a lost cause," Hermione muttered darkly. He sighed again, and sat up.

"So what are we going to do, with this Seer thing that you have going on," James asked her cautiously. She looked at him, and then looked at her hands.

"I'm working on it," she said slowly. James frowned at her.

"I bet you are," he said thoughtfully. "You already have a plan, don't you?"

"I might," Hermione said carefully. "I'm trying to be cautious, to avoid detection as long as possible. I'd like to at least make it through Hogwarts."

"What are you going to do after that?" James asked curiously. Hermione's mouth tightened grimly and she looked deep into her brother's eyes.

"I'm going to fight him," she said flatly, daring him to tell her otherwise. He wanted to, he realized. He wanted to rage against Hermione doing anything dangerous. Then he realized that her existence was dangerous. Should she end it? It would certainly remove the danger. He frowned and contemplated that for a moment. If she were always in danger, she should have the right to fight, shouldn't she? This was almost the opposite of everything he'd been raised to believe. Witches were to be cherished, protected, guarded. They weren't supposed to run willy-nilly into danger.

"Are you going to join the Order?" He asked cautiously. Hermione started slightly and stared at him.

"You know about that?" She asked incredulously. He snorted.

"I can eavesdrop just as easily as you can, My Own," he said tartly. "Just because I'm not so, so Slytherin about it doesn't mean I'm not capable."

"You do know that it isn't an expletive, don't you? Besides, mother was a Slytherin and she turned out just fine," Hermione said firmly. James made a sound in the back of his throat.

"Are you going to join, or not?" James asked her finally. Hermione shrugged.

"I might try. I know Lily wants to," Hermione said finally.

"Really?" James asked curiously. Hermione raised a brow at him.

"Why are you surprised? Lily is a Gryffindor through and through. That, and she is muggleborn. She's a huge target right now. She might as well try to be part of the resistance." Hermione pointed out. He nodded.

"No, you're right, that makes sense. She's almost in as much danger as you are," James said flatly. Hermione watched her brother for a moment, and then smiled at him.

"Jamie, I think you're starting to grow up," she said proudly. He ruined the moment by sticking out his tongue at her. She sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said firmly.

"Is Sirius not here because he and I…," she trailed off and waved her hand vaguely. James' eyes narrowed slightly.

"That vague hand waving thing had better mean 'we're sort of boyfriend and girlfriend now'," he growled at her. She rolled her eyes at him, and then nodded.

"Yes. It does. It's such an odd thing, this boyfriend and girlfriend custom that the muggles have. It's bled into our world, but it's such a new thing. Mother and father never did that. He courted her, his parents offered for mother and four years later, they were married. End of story," Hermione said thoughtfully. She'd tried to access Hermione Granger's memories of boyfriends and girlfriends, but that hadn't been very helpful. Apparently Hermione Granger had been too busy trying to stay alive and keep her friends alive to worry too much about things like that. There had been one or two here and there. Then Old Hermione had gotten huffy and defensive about her lack of relationship experience. Hermione Potter shuddered, and pushed the thought away.

"I know," James said soberly, frowning. Hermione watched him for a moment, and then smiled.

"You still like her, don't you?" Hermione asked softly. He nodded. "Why don't you try asking her out again, but this time just be you, Jamie. Don't try to be what you think she expects. Just be you."

"Right, I'm sure that will work," he said flatly. Hermione hid a small smile.

"It worked for Sirius," she said quietly. He frowned at her.

"You know, he isn't how he portrays himself at school," he said softly, and then flushed as though he were betraying a confidence. He swallowed and then looked at his sister. "Please, be careful, Hermione. Don't hurt him."

"I will try my best not to," she promised him. He watched her for a moment and then nodded.

"He said he would probably hurt you, and that I was welcome to beat the shit out of him, again, when it happened," James muttered into his hands. Hermione snorted.

"Anyway, back to the reason that Sirius isn't here, helping you destroy my peace and quiet?" Hermione asked patiently. James frowned.

"You know, I'm not sure. He said he was summoned home, and that there was no way around it—it was a direct order from his mother," James said with a pensive, worried air. He hadn't really thought about it, but Sirius had seemed edgy, unhappy. He didn't like going home at any time, but he seemed worried about going home this time. Hermione stood up abruptly, her chair knocking back.

"It's Christmas," she whispered, her eyes wide. James stood quickly, and stared at her in concern. He put a gentle hand on her arm.

"Yes, Hermione, it is Christmastide," he said carefully, trying not to startle her. She turned to him, her face horrified.

"No, James," she whispered. "It's now. I forgot, I didn't realize…"

"What's now, love?" He whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. Her eyes turned black and he felt his stomach clench in fear. He waved his wand quickly, locking all the library doors and casting the strongest silencing wards he could think of. Unlike the other time he'd witnessed her having a vision, she was silent. Her breathing was becoming erratic, and she clung to his arm, but she wasn't saying anything. "Hermione?"

It was number 12 Grimmauld Place. She knew that was where she was. She turned, and saw Regulus' white face, pinched with fear, duck into a closet. She frowned and turned back toward the library. She needed to be in the library. There was a group of people in the room. She recognized Mrs. Black and Mr. Black. She frowned slightly. Mr. Black appeared to be clenching his jaw slightly. He looked uncannily like the older Sirius that the other Hermione remembered, and if that were Sirius, that clenched jaw would indicate anger, fury. There were others in the room, and she didn't recognize many of them, but she recognized Lucius, and she recognized Severus. Their faces were impenetrable masks, their eyes hooded, and veiled. They were observing coolly, impartially. Observing what? Then she saw him. She turned and stared at Mr. Black, and frowned. He looked…odd. Was he being Imperiused? She moved closer to him because she could not bear to look at Sirius, laying on the floor.

"No," she gasped, her head turning from side to side. James was holding her, watching her carefully. She whimpered in his arms, and he rocked her gently. "Don't."

He'd been beaten. She wasn't sure by whom, but any of the people in the room might have done it. He was breathing shallowly, and she knew that he probably had broken ribs. White hot anger burned through her, and she ignored it so that she could focus on him. Someone gave a command, his mother? And he was being tortured with the cruciatus curse. The other Hermione remembered what that felt like, but she (Hermione Potter) could remember it only distantly, through a fuzzy lens. She suspected that the other Hermione was trying to protect her, and she resented it. His body bowed with the pain, and he fought to keep from crying out. Hermione felt her own body clench in some half-memory, and she was gasping with the half-remembered pain. He writhed in agony, but only a few whimpers made it passed his lips. This was as bad as watching James die. No wonder he hated it here. No wonder he drank in the library. No wonder he wanted to be out, to be free.

"Will you see reason, Sirius?" Walburga Black's cold voice echoed through the room. Her son stared up at her with hate-filled eyes.

"Never," he panted at her. She sighed petulantly, and it made Hermione's skin crawl. It was like watching a version of Bellatrix. The Black madness stared out of Walburga's eyes and Hermione shivered in revulsion.

"Very well, then. You are no son of mine," she snapped coldly. She turned and stalked out of the library. The others followed her silently, leaving the boy to lay on the floor of the library, twitching slightly with the after effects of the cruciatus curse. Regulus slipped in after they'd gone, his face pale and drawn. He looked at his brother, and ran and threw up in a corner waste basket. Hermione couldn't blame him, she wished she could be sick as well.

"Come on," Regulus was whispering now. "We don't have a lot of time."

"Go 'way," he managed to pant out. "Not your brother anymore. Didn't you hear?"

"I don't care what she said," Regulus snapped, "you'll always be my brother. Now come on."

"Hurts," he gasped. A tear trickled down Regulus' cheek.

"I know," he whispered. He clutched at his brother, struggling with the weight of his body. Sirius whimpered slightly when he tried to wrap an arm around his middle. "Sorry."