Best Friends

"Best friends. Is that what we are?"

He asked her to sleep with him…

Wrapped his arms around her…

And practically clung on to her!

'I really must be out of my mind!'

It was his first time being close friends with the opposite sex.

And he'd have to admit that he doesn't know how it works.

'But I seriously doubt that what I did was allowed.'

When he confirmed to her that they're 'best friends' just like how she was with Katherine, a sharp pang of guilt drilled on his chest. He was no expert when it came to relationships, but he was quite sure that what they have could not be defined as merely being friends. It's something hard to describe but it's definitely special and he had a feeling that adding 'best' as a prefix just doesn't cut it.

But he also knew that he could not give her anything more than that. At least not at the moment.

"What's with this dirty feeling? It's as if I just used a cheat code in a game that I really like." he mumbled.

Craige studied Zeanne's face and smoothed back the hair that was on her face. He looked at her with amusement. She was sleeping so soundly and looked so defenseless which made Crage chuckle when he was reminded of something that happened quite some time ago.

"A. You're just really sleepy. B. You just don't see me as a guy. C. You trust me enough that you think I won't try doing anything. D. You're testing me if I can stop myself from ruining what we have."

Craige saw a scowl form on her forehead and realized that he must've been disturbing her peaceful sleep. So he decided to try sleeping as well, instead of pestering her with his worries. Not to mention that he badly needed to take some rest anyway, if he wanted to function properly later. He turned his back to Zeanne just to be safe, because if the answer was indeed letter 'D', then he'd definitely fail the test if he kept looking at her vulnerable sleeping face.

"E. I know that you don't like me enough to do anything. I believe that you're not the kind of person who'd let his neanderthal instincts ruin his principles." A very groggy voice spoke from behind him. He tried to turn back to her but she stopped him. "Just face that way."

"How long have you been awake?" He frowned. "And what do you mean by I don't like you enough?"

She chuckled. "Let's be honest. You don't really find me attractive. I'm not your type. So I see no reason to worry that you might try doing something."

'Actually…'

"I do like you." Craige sounded guilty even though he should be mad because she was putting words in his mouth. But it was most probably because her allegations sounded so true even to his ears. They've been through this before and she already accused him of the same thing too. And he wasn't able to say anything back then too.

"I know that you like me… as a friend." She sounded resolute, leaving no room for rebuttals.

"What makes you think that?" He massaged his temples. His head was throbbing and this conversation was making it worse. 'Why is it so complicated?'

"You're not attracted to me." She insisted coldly. "At least, not in the way that you are with Ameera."

'Ameera again?'

"What does she have to do with this?" His voice sounded grave this time, not liking where the conversation was heading.

And her laughter sounded forced which made him badly wish to see what kind of expression she was making at the moment. "I've seen how you look at her, Craige. You're definitely attracted to her. I'm just giving you an example so that you don't get confused with your feelings and make a blunder that you will regret later on."

No longer able to hold back his frustration, he turned to her and put her hand on his pounding chest. At first she looked surprised by what he did but then she returned his leveled gaze in an instant. He knew that he should not be doing this and that he should stop pressing the topic. But for some strange reason, he didn't want to back down and looked straight in her eyes that also stared back at him with equal stubbornness. "Then how do you explain this?"

She blinked in surprise when she finally noticed his drumming heartbeat, obviously not expecting that kind of reaction from him. But after a few seconds of silence, she tapped his chest and smiled softly at him. "That's just panic, Craige. You're afraid of where this conversation is heading and worried if we will still be friends after this. But seriously, you should stop worrying. You're the one who taught me that I should not get hung up on names and labels. Just because we're of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that we have to be attracted to each other to be in any kind of relationship. It's never a prerequisite."

"If I'm not attracted to you like you claim..." He paused because he felt like his head was cracking. And it was not just because he was running a fever but also because of the stress that kept building up in his chest. "Then how do you explain me always wanting to be with you?"

"That's not attraction but affection. You've seen me at my worst and that triggered your protective instinct. That's very common among close friends. I feel the same for Katherine and Arthur. So don't stress yourself and put too much meaning into this." She motioned to the small space between them. "You can treat me like how you treat Brian and I'll treat you like how I treat Katherine. We both know that we care for each other. And that's more than enough for me."

'Will it be enough for me? That is the question. A question that I'm not ready to answer.'

He propped himself up on an elbow to look down at her. "Why do you keep psychoanalyzing me? Is your side-job being a psychologist? It's not. You're an actress. Stick to it."

She laughed upon hearing the familiar words. "Don't worry, I'm planning to do just that. But right now, my job is being a good friend to you and not letting you stray. Stop being stubborn."

He stared at her for a long time, trying to find a trace of dishonesty but all he could see was her firm resolve. So he sighed and decided not to push the topic any further. 'Maybe she's right. Maybe this is more than enough. Maybe this is the best for both of us.'

"If you say so."

She smiled and put a hand on his forehead. "You're still burning. Let's go to the hospital as soon as we arrive in Cape Hallows."

He put his hand over hers which felt really nice and cool. "There's no need. I just need to sleep this off."

"That's what you said earlier too." She pointed out as she pulled back her hand and crossed her arms. "Get some sleep then. We'll discuss going to the hospital when you wake up."

He was about to protest but she glared at him.

"Just do as I say." She closed her eyes. "Get some rest and stop thinking of things that will stress you out."

He fully intended to follow her orders but then he found himself staring at her again.

'Is this really okay? Does she really expect me to treat her like how I would treat Brian? Is she really sure of that? Does she know that I treat Brian very roughly? Does she know that I swear at him at the slightest mistakes that he makes when we're playing games? Does she seriously want to be treated that way? Is this really ok--'

Before he could stop it, her hand forced his head back on the bed and stayed on the side of his face to keep him in place. "Sleep."

He chuckled in defeat and did as he was told.

'Best Friends, huh? This is definitely a lot more complicated than that.'

He fell asleep while doing his best in fighting the strong urge to hold her hand or hug her again.

Because it was definitely not something that he would do to Brian.

Nope.

Definitely not.

***

Dear Dairy Milk,

How have you been lately?

Me? I think I'm okay.

For some strange reason, I feel at ease after having that conversation with Craige this morning.

It felt like a huge boulder had been lifted off my chest.

We really don't have to complicate things, right?

I can treat him like how I would treat Katherine and he'll treat me like how he would treat Brian.

Everybody happy!

I think I did a really good job in setting them as an example so that we stop stepping out of the line.

But to be honest, the hardest part in this friendship is keeping my hands off him.

I guess that's my problem when it comes to setting up boundaries, I keep having the desire to either cross or break them.

As long as I can overcome that, I think we'll be able to make this weird friendship work.

Somehow.