Chapter 4: The Melancholy of the Head Maid
So, it could also rain here in Chersea…
"…"
It's been quite a while, but the downpour hadn't stopped. I guess it's an advantage to the maids of the Gardening Department, since they won't have to water the plants now and then.
"…"
But well, as it was raining, many activities in the Holy Palatial Gardens got suspended—particularly the visitation time to the Saint. The holy enclave was closed, saved for emergencies.
And here I was again at the library, trying to kill time. I've been reading books that piqued my interest; as long as it didn't belong to the 'restricted' section, I guess I could freely take those.
"!!!"
I heard someone open the library doors. Maybe it's the maid assigned to clean this spot.
What is her name again? I think it's Eris, or is it Erich?
Hmm, as long as she didn't bother me, I guess we're good.
"Kuro!"
"Hiii!"
"Did I startle you again? Sorry!" it was the Head Maid, with her usual sudden appearances.
"Nah, it's fine. I'm pretty used to it. So, let me guess. You're just passing by again, Head Maid?"
"Oh, so you already know…" she let out a forceful, awkward laugh.
Well, of course I will. It's her excuse whenever she appeared.
"Ah anyway, check this out!" the Head Maid put a bag of clothes before me, "Since you came here empty-handed, I think it's time that you change your clothing. I brought you some old shirts and pants."
"Whoa, thanks! Just what I need!" I was happy when she gave the clothes to me. After all, since they summoned me, the only dress that I've been wearing was the one that came from my old world. Well, I washed it from time to time, though in secret because I didn't think they would let me live another second if the servants or Her Holiness saw me naked inside the Holy Palatial Gardens.
"I heard from the maids…about what you did to stop that pervert, Duke Millshawn." she sat beside me, even though the entire library was empty, "So, I was thinking of something to give you as a reward or something."
"Oh, you shouldn't mind it too much. I just did what I had to do." I laughed as I subtly tried to keep my distance from her, "Besides, I don't want to destroy your trust towards me."
"Still, you could've gotten yourself killed…"
"Oh…" the smile from my face disappeared, recalling that brief but dangerous encounter, "Yeah, but I'm still here alive and kicking! Don't worry too much; I'm just a strange person from another world, anyway."
"Don't say that!" the Head Maid raised her voice suddenly that I almost jumped from my seat. However, she realized that too soon, so she quickly lowered her tone, "I-I'm sorry for shouting."
"Nah, don't worry too much."
"Well, please don't be like that." a bittersweet expression appeared in her eyes, "From another world or not, if you die, then it's all over. Please value your life more, Kuro."
I fell silent. Well, she has a point.
An awkward atmosphere hanged between us after that. And then, I thought the Head Maid wanted to change the topic since it was she who restarted the conversation.
"Ah, anyway! Since you got the clothes, why don't you try them?"
"Err…right now?" I was having doubts if it would fit, but well, there's no harm in trying.
Sensing my apprehensions, she offered, "Well, I'll go outside while you change."
"Alright then."
Without further ado, the Head Maid went out of the library while I try the clothes that she brought me.
----------
After a few tweaks on the clothes that I received, I thought I'm now confident to show myself to the Head Maid.
"…"
Wait a sec, the pants are a little loose. I went to fix it for a while; and once done, I finally approached and opened the door…
"Well, I guess it is quite loose on me, especially the pants." I showed myself to the Head Maid, "But yeah, the clothes almost fit my body. Thanks, Head Maid!"
"…" The Head Maid was silent as she intensely stared at me.
"Err…Head Maid?" her eyes looked as if she wanted to vaporize me. It was kind of awkward; I wanted to close the door right at that very moment.
"Huh? Oh…yes, yes!" she tried to reply; I could tell that she got stunned, "T-those clothes seem to be perfect for you!"
"Uh…you okay?" I'm worried; the Head Maid suddenly became pale.
"Hm? Y-yes, I'm fine."
No, you aren't. You're averting your eyes from me. Do I look that bad in this dress?
"Please k-keep it!" And now she was wiping her eyes, "If you'll excuse me…"
The Head Maid abruptly left like she used to turn up.
Err…what did I do wrong?
----------
I went back to the guest house where I was currently staying. The rain wouldn't let up, so I had to run to reach my private space before I got drenched. Good thing I already changed back into my old clothes; I didn't want the clothes the Head Maid gave to me to be wet. Honestly, after seeing her like that, I'm thinking of returning those to her…
Well, she said that I keep it…
"…"
God, what should I do?
"You called?"
"Hiii!"
It was Her Holiness who appeared this time. If I remember, I called for 'God' though…
"Well, I'm the same."
Right. Seriously, are the people inside this place fond of shocking others to death?
"Well, not really. I just thought of surprising you…" the Saint had a proud and triumphant expression on her face, "Turns out you're just too jumpy. Did you have your coffee to make you that nervous?"
"Nope." Now that she mentioned it, I have had no breakfast yet.
"Would you like me to call for someone to bring some food?"
"Uh…I think I can get it myself, Your Holiness. Thank you!"
"You're a modest one, eh?" Her Holiness had a sardonic grin painted on her face, "No wonder Lily keeps on being reminded of him through you."
If I remember, Lily is the name of the Head Maid, right?
"Yep, that's right. Her name's pretty long to pronounce, so we just shorten it to Lily."
I see…well, speaking of the Head Maid—
"Yep, I already know what happened." the Saint quickly shot me down, "After all, she gave you his clothes."
"Err…'his' clothes?"
Her Holiness nodded, "Yep, the clothes of Lilyhaven Tamriel von Leese's older brother, Arthur Mahan von Leese."
"Uhm, Your Holiness, the Head Maid gave me these. And when I tried to wear it to see if it fits, she cried. If I'm not prying too much, is this older brother—"
"Yep, Arthur's already dead."
"…"
I didn't like what I just heard. These clothes were precious mementos from the Head Maid's older brother, and for her to give it to me is just—
"You remind her of Arthur, you know."
Can you please let me finish my thoughts, Your Holiness?
----------
Anyway, silence ruled in the room where I was staying. My eyes were on the clothes that the Head Maid gave to me. I thought she might've been unprepared to see me wearing those, thus she ended being hurt…
"…" I felt terrible.
Honestly, I don't know what to say…or do.
The Saint of Chersea was with me for the meantime.
"I came over to your room to ask for something." Her Holiness sighed before she began, "However, I understand that you're confused. So, I intend to explain everything to you before asking for your favor…"
Her Holiness asking for my favor tells me that this is a serious matter.
"Well, Arthur and Lily are pretty close siblings." Her Holiness explained, her eyes were looking far outside the windows, "In fact, I think Lily even promised to marry him back when they were younger."
Wow. Talk about a cliché visual novel setting.
"Of course, it's just a stupid child's play." Her Holiness quickly retorted, "Or I'll incinerate anyone who violates the laws of the gods."
Come on, they are just kids back then! Pretty innocent, right?
"Ahem. Anyway, even when Arthur became a knight, Lily looks up to him so much that she doesn't see anyone but her brother."
Oi, that's a cute case of brother-complex right there…
"She turned down legions of men courting her because no one can be up to her standards that is her brother."
My bad. That's an extremely severe case of brother-complex.
"Cute little Lily was just content of following and watching her brother. On his plans, on his achievements, inside his room, inside his bathroom—"
"Err…Your Holiness, do you even have to tell me that?" Well, it's not cute; it's plain stalking!
"Shut up for a while, Kuro." Her Holiness glared at me, "I'm getting to the good part, you know."
"Sorry." I quickly behaved myself.
"However, there is one problem. Lily is a sickly child, you know."
She is? The Head Maid is weak in her body?
"Nah, someone cursed her."
"Oh."
"It was an apple. The moment she eats it is the moment she dies; however, only a sincere love's kiss could save her."
Err…is this some kind of fairy tale? Let me guess, the Head Maid has a bunch of seven dwarves for assistants?
"Well, she's got a group of friends who assist her in following and watching her brother."
Ha? What's this? Snow White and the Seven Stalkers?
"Anyway, continuing on," the Saint went on with her story, ignoring my remarks, "Lily didn't eat the apple."
"But how did she got cursed?"
"One of her friends made a juice out of that apple, and she drank it."
That's stupid.
"Because of that, the curse got altered, and she got sick instead."
That's doubly stupid. Are you sure that apple isn't just rotten or something?
"Ahem. So, after getting sick because of the cursed apple, Lily's physical body continued to weaken."
Of course she will. She's sick.
"And Arthur embarked on a journey to find the cure for his beloved little sister."
Isn't he told of the conditions of breaking the curse before? It's the freaking standard for every fairy tale!
"Finally, after wandering around for a long time, he pleaded for my help."
"Oh…"
"And I told him how to break the curse."
"So, did he kiss her?"
"No, I wouldn't allow it. They're siblings, remember? That's perverted!"
Tch. Talk about being a party-pooper.
"So yeah, after many tries on several alternate solutions, we finally arrived at the correct alternate way to save Lily from the curse and cured her."
"I see…but what's the connection of that story to Arthur's death?"
"That's…" Her Holiness had a sad and nostalgic expression on her face as she continued the story, "When Lily finally recovered, she's still weak, so when she tried to stand, she stumbled and fell to a conveniently placed spinning wheel nearby. Arthur quickly moved to support her, but it was he who got pricked by the needle. And he died. The end."
That's…pretty anti-climactic…
And they even mixed two fairy tales and a visual novel on that one story. This world is really stupid.
----------
"Well, and so, the reason I came here is…" the Saint said in-between sips of tea. I thought Her Holiness got hungry while divulging all that information to me; she ended up requesting for the food to be brought to my room.
But man…she eats a lot, huh?
"Ahem." Her Holiness read my mind again, "I think that a growing girl like me needs proper nutrition, thus I have to eat, Mister Kuro."
Growing, huh?
Well, looking at the Saint, I could guess that her age was around 16 years old. Here at Chersea, it was said that she 'passed 1,236 seasons'. I didn't know the equivalent years of that back on Earth, but that's how they measure the age of people here.
"…"
Yeah, her youthful appearance suggested that she has to eat well…
"…"
But man, that chest needs no more nutrition. It's almost about to burst.
"Mister Kuro…" Her Holiness had a mischievous smirk on her flustered face, "While I appreciate your praises for my beautiful body and looks, I think we're going off-topic here."
She needs to stop that nasty habit of hers, peeking into my thoughts.
"A-anyway." Her Holiness gave me a plate, "The food's going to get cold if you don't start eating now, don't you think?"
"Err…thanks, Your Holiness." I chomped down on my food.
"And so, as I've said before, I went to your room to ask for your favor."
"Which is?"
"Can you continue pretending to be like Lily's brother?"
"Ack!" I choked; Her Holiness quickly got up and began massaging my back. Fortunately, we freed my throat before I lose air. Still couldn't believe what I just heard, I asked her again, "You want me to continue what?"
"Pretend to act like Lily's brother."
"Why?"
"I know it's unreasonable for you…" Her Holiness' seriousness added to the tension I'm feeling as she explained, "But this is the first time I saw Lily being lively after for so long. As her master and friend, I don't want her to go back to her sad, lonely state again."
"…"
I had to admit, that's a pretty hard request. As someone whom the Head Maid saved and trusted, I also would like to be of help to her. And I could understand the worries of Her Holiness as well, that's why she's asking me this…
However, pretending to be someone I am not is worse than cheating on the Head Maid…
"Kuro…" Her Holiness took it further, and suddenly bowed before me, "I don't care if I'm the Saint; for my servants and friends, I'm willing to humble myself."
"Uh…Your Holiness, please don't—" I rushed to her side to stop her. Man, this is getting too difficult for me to refuse.
"Please…" she never raised her head, "I may have the power of the gods, but I can't completely sway a person's heart, without manipulating it with magic; I simply don't have the ability."
"Ugh…"
Her Holiness remained in that position until I spoke. She may be a little capricious and spontaneous, but the Saint honestly cares for the people around her…And as a human, I can't simply ignore her pleas.
"Please raise your head, Your Holiness." I gave her a head pat, "Don't worry, I understand your feelings."
"Ah thank you—"
"However, I won't do what you ask of me. I am not the Head Maid's older brother, and never will be. But, I will help her. Please trust me in this."
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***Meanwhile, in the Head Maid's room. ***
While Kuro and the Saint were having their discussion back in the guest house, the Head Maid was lying on the bed in her room, shrouded in total darkness. Though she could hear the loud downpour behind the closed curtains of her windows, the sounds of her heart's beat drowned the noise outside.
Why does she have to run earlier?
The Head Maid closed her eyes. In the pitch darkness, she saw her brother's form walking away from her, donned in the clothes that she gave to Kuro.
"…"
She could feel her cheeks getting wet and warm.
"Arthur!" she called out.
Her brother turned around, and the Head Maid stopped in surprise, for in place of her brother's face was that otherworldly boy's form…
"K-Kuro?"
She opened her eyes.
"Why did Kuro appear instead of my brother?"
In the Head Maid's mind, the memories of the first meeting between her and Kuro emerged once again.
How her prayers for her dead brother got interrupted by the exploding windows of the palace…
How she saw a helpless Kuro after falling from the second level…
How Kuro protected her when she exhausted her magic and almost got killed himself…
"Brother…" the Head Maid muttered as tears continued to fall down her cheeks, "It seems like you want me to forget you completely. You even sent someone to take your place!"
However, she knew that her brother and Kuro weren't the same.
"I don't want to forget you but…"
The Head Maid then pondered for a while. Her heart had been in disarray for quite some time now, but suddenly, she had thought of something.
"If this is how it's going to be, then I must make my decision too, brother…"
Taking a deep breath, the Head Maid steeled and resolved the chaos in her heart.
It's time to end everything right at that moment…
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**Kuro**
Hello, Kuro here!
If you could see me right now—though sadly, you could only read this—I'm currently on the run. Why, you may ask? Well, I just saw the Head Maid.
"…"
Yep, in my hands I had the clothes that she gave me, originally belonging to her older brother. I'm planning to return it to her.
However, I think that will have to wait for later.
"Fuck, I won't be able to reach her in time!" Pardon the colorful language. I guess anyone in my situation wouldn't be able to keep themselves from uttering those words.
Especially when you're witnessing someone about to jump to their death…
"Your Holiness, can't you cast a flying spell or something?"
"Uh, yeah, just a moment!" Her Holiness was already panicking, but she knew she had to keep herself together.
"And call the guards, quick!"
"Kuro, this one's much better! Teleport!" she cast a teleportation spell and transported me to the roof of the Servants' Quarter in mere seconds.
Uhh…Her Holiness could have teleported me right next to the Head Maid, but well, I guess this is better than nothing.
"Head Maid, what do you think you're doing?" I called out to her, even though our voices were being drowned by the noise of this heavy rain, "If you fall, it's all over, you know?"
"Don't come near me, Kuro!" the Head Maid screamed as she stepped back, "This is the only way left for me!"
Yeah, I knew our feelings were running high, so I took a cautious approach. One mistake, and this could end badly.
"Head Maid—no, Lily! Why don't we talk this over? I know you've been hurting, but that is not the only way to solve it!" The maids, guards, as well as some nuns, had already assembled below and were watching everything as it unfolded.
"I tried my best, Kuro!" the Head Maid's face contorted and her voice shook, "I tried my best to keep my brother's memories alive!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you do. And you did an outstanding job!" I showed her the clothes she gave me, "See, these clothes still look fine after being kept for so long."
"But I don't remember his face anymore, Kuro!" even though we're soaking wet, I could tell that the Head Maid was crying, "I'm a failure as a sister!"
"No, you fucking don't!" I shouted back, "Do you think your brother would want to see you like that?"
"He only has me, Kuro, so I have to do this!"
"Get angry at me if you will, but the moment you jump to your death because of him, I'll punch his sorry face in the afterlife!"
"Ha?" my words confused the Head Maid suddenly, "Jump? What are you talking about?"
"Eh?" I, too, got taken aback, "You're not jumping?"
"Why would I? I was just about to shout my feelings from up here."
"Oh…" I sighed with relief. Though my efforts and worries went to nothing, I think it's fine as long as no one's hurt.
"Ah, anyway Kuro. I'm sorry I made you worry." Brought back to her senses, the Head Maid then carefully walked towards me and was about to reach out her hand, "Shall we go do—kyaaaaaa!"
"!!!"
Just as I was going to hold her hand, a loose roof tile eventually gave way and the Head Maid fell to her death. Stunned, I didn't know what to do…save for this one thing…
"Lily!" my mind was in disarray. Panic seized my body as I jumped after her, catching her in mid-air. As she and I were about to fall to the pavement, I embraced and pulled her head to my chest so that my back will hit the ground instead.
"Float!"
At once, I felt our body become light, and we landed softly on the grass. The maids, nuns, and guards immediately surrounded us and checked for the Head Maid's injuries. Her subordinates went as far as hugging her tight while the nuns were heaving the sighs of relief.
Oi, you can at least worry about me too, you know.
"Ah, don't fret, Kuro." it was the Saint. Her holy garments were as soaked as ours. "I won't let you die; you helped us so much after all."
Talk about cliché development!
----------
Sometime later, after that rainy incident…
Her Holiness allowed the Head Maid to rest and recuperate after I saved her, but not before going through a stern and thorough sermon about the value of life. Of course, the Head Maid repeatedly apologized for making us worry.
"…"
But yeah, I guess she understood and appreciated the concern Her Holiness was giving her. And then, when the opportunity to visit arrived, I knocked on the door of the Head Maid's room.
"Come in!"
I let myself in. There she was, sitting on the bed while Her Holiness was peeling some fruits for her. The Head Maid greeted me with a smile and invited me to sit on the vacant chair beside her.
"Not only you are a Defender of My Nether Regions…" the Saint had a sarcastic grin on her lips, "You're also a 'Ruthless Playboy'."
Huh? Where did that come from, Your Holiness?
"Why don't you ask Lily?" Her Holiness had a smug expression on her face, "After all, you made a threat to her brother in the afterlife."
"Err…that's a…uhm, s-sorry." Damn, Her Holiness brought up that lame line I blurted out while I'm all charged up emotionally. Anyway, as I had no excuse, I apologized, "And I am returning his clothes to you. It's important to you, after all."
"Kuro, please." the Head Maid gently handed it back to me, "I'd feel bad if you return those."
"But…"
The Head Maid smiled, but it was a bittersweet one, "You know, I wanted to move on and forget my brother's memories."
"Uh…I don't want to say this given the occasion, but…" I took a deep breath, "I don't think you have to forget your loved ones before you can move on."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, even if they die, the fact remains that we spent good times with them while they are still alive. No one can truly erase those memories, you know. Even if you force yourself, you'll always end up getting reminded everywhere and with anything that you did together." I explained slowly, carefully taking into consideration the Head Maid's feelings, "I think the only time that you'll forget them is when you hit yourself in the head, and suffer from amnesia."
I meant that last line as a joke, but I could see tears welling up in the Head Maid's eyes.
Should I go on with what I am about to say?
"Go on." it was Her Holiness who encouraged me.
"R-right…" so I continued, taking a glance at the Saint to make sure she's supporting me, "Say, for example, if you got a wound and tried to remove the scab, isn't it painful? I can also say the same thing about the death of a loved one; the more you force yourself to forget, the more painful it will be. So let go with the flow."
Tears fell from the Head Maid's cheeks.
I really should stop this.
"Continue, Kuro." Her Holiness reiterated, "She should get hurt in what is true now than live in a lie."
Wow. You just went philosophical at that one, Your Holiness.
Anyway, I added, "Besides, immersing yourself in the wonderful memories of your loved one isn't that bad, as long as it gives you the will to carry on with life."
"You want to say anything else, Kuro?" Her Holiness asked.
Oi, I think I'm already going over my limits now, Your Holiness. I better keep my mouth shut.
"Come on, say it." Her Holiness was sending me glares, "I think that's the best part."
Err…oh well, here goes nothing…
"Head Maid—no, Lily…" I gently tapped on the Head Maid's shoulders, "As long as you keep your brother's memory within you, then he's not completely dead."
"…"
The Head Maid just silently wept while Her Holiness and I joined her in her moment of sorrow.
----------
"Ahhhh…I feel refreshed!" the Head Maid stretched out her hands after she cried her heart out, "It's been long since I cried that hard. Now I guess it's time for me to head back."
"Well, I'm glad you're fine now." Her Holiness remarked as she pushed her friend back to the bed, "But please take some more time to rest."
Oh yeah? Did I just hear you say that you're happy she's fine? You keep on prodding me to say those words to her in the first place!
"May I remind you keep on blabbering your philosophies?" Her Holiness turned her eyes away from us, "I just thought that Lily would like to hear it."
Tch. This girl…
"No, it's fine; Your Holiness, Kuro." the Head Maid intervened, "Mister Kuro's words felt better than going to the rooftop to shout in the middle of heavy rains."
Ah, yes. Please don't do that again.
"Oh, and by the way, Kuro, I want to apologize to you."
"What for?"
"Honestly, I thought of you as my brother's replacement." the Head Maid confessed, "But the more I get to know you, the more frustrated I become because I keep on associating him with you."
That…hurt. A little. At least.
"I'm always wondering if…I'm only concerned for you because you remind me of Arthur."
"Hmm…" I pretended not to feel anything, "I don't mind it, though if possible, I'd like you to see me as a different person."
"Yes, I do. At least right now, my feelings towards you are true."
"Ooookaayy?"
Did I just hear a confession? Nah, that'll be impossible.
"Thanks for saving me, Kuro." the Head Maid bowed in gratitude, "To be honest, I think of you not as his replacement anymore, but as someone he sent to me."
"Oh…" Well, that's nice to hear. I'm glad that she saw me in that way; at least, I know now that I got a little value.
"Head Maid," it was Her Holiness, "Kuro is belittling himself once again."
Tch. Really, this girl…
"Please don't do that, Kuro!" the Head Maid's eyes were on me, as if piercing my soul, "I don't want you saying bad things to the person precious to me."
"Y-yes, sorry."
Wait. Did I just hear—
"Don't get your hopes up, Kuro." Her Holiness chirped in, "It's almost time for the next arc."
"Ha?" I got confused on what she's saying, "W-what are you talking about, Your Holiness?"
"Well, whatever." Her Holiness rolled her eyes and sighed.
Ugh, this is stupid.