think about.... happy things

sitting here on the bus. Listening to 80s music, I need to think about something else for a while. I need to think about all the happy things that are going on in my life. I know it's not much but even thinking about the Small Things helps. What do you think about, I ask myself. Maybe my dogs? Maybe... I don't know. because my whole life is surrounded by people, and people leave my soul leaves. Everything seems so hard to continue on in life, even the smaller things. I don't want to think about something else but I force myself to. It's better for my mental health in sitting here alone on the bus. I sit in the back and Ponder life decisions that I wish I didn't make. The unsent messages. The conversations. Social media. Everything that centered around people that moves my life backwards. backwards, that's funny Direction. A direction that I seem to be only traveling in. Never forwards, always backwards. I don't want to move in the direction of backwards but sometimes that's what humans have to do, move backwards. is it best move backwards in very bad. If time moves backwards it would be bad. If wife moved backwards well, you know what happens, it's bad. That's what my life is right now, bad. I can't do anything to fix it except say sorry and wait. I wish I could say something else other than sorry. I wish there was a better word but there isn't, there isn't a better word than sorry. Sorry get sick too much, I think that's a problem. I say sorry too much, I just do. It's me. Sorry is me. I have no other emotions it seems like. These days, it's all just sorry. I wish it wasn't. I say that a lot. I wish a lot of things don't happen but they do. Unlike on Instagram, where you can unsend messages, you can't unsend life. you can't unsend the things you say in the real world. That's why I think I mess up so much. On social media, on text, on everything that isn't in real life. I unsend the messages. In real life, I can't unsend messages though. I can't unsend words, thoughts. once they said they said. And that's why we all need to wake up. That's why I think I need to wake up. I think I need to wake up from this terrible dream that I've been having. At least for a while. Until the new year maybe.