My Heart and Seoul (22): Locked

There's something about giving your heart to someone. The moment you open up and say 'i like you' or 'I wanna be with you' and then find out they're willing to trash it so easily.

You feel like a fool. Like the world is laughing at you for being an idiot. And the anger. All of these different emotions come down in a moment and you just think.

Why.

"Rae...Rae!"

I was shook from my thoughts when I noticed Yamato looking at me super concerned. I'd just been going through the motions earlier and was about to make myself some coffee after lunch when I looked down and saw I was about to pour salt and not sugar into the coffee.

"Ah. Hi Yamato." I said switching the salt for the sugar. He grabbed my hand and saw it was shaking, which I didnt notice at all.

"Rae you're not okay what's going on?" Yamato had a stern look on his face. For being only a year older he looked like he'd been through a lot too.

"Just havent had any sleep because of some nightmares, hence the coffee!" I lied through my teeth cheerfully holding up the cup. He narrowed his eyes.

"Bullshit. You look like your world has been crushed, Rae I know its hard to talk sometimes but please," he looked pained almost as he paused for a moment, as if collecting himself before continuing.

"Don't forget I'm here if you want to talk. I don't like seeing any of you guys suffering....so please don't suffer in silence." He gave my hand a firm squeeze. He had warm hands, actually his entire build seemed to be made for hugging.

"I'll be okay, but thank you Yamato you're a good person."

"Always!" He gave me a big smile and a hug. I returned said hug before returning to making my coffee.

A few rough nights here and there isnt the best. But despite it all, the doubt and annoyance that I've faced there's nothing that can crush me completely. It's just a dent, a dent that can be fixed. With some new resolve to the day I downed the coffee and finished some last minute things whilst the boys did their interview. Once they were done we headed out and all went back to the company buildings. Seungho and I usually spend some time every week going over some things he wanted to learn for Chinese but this week I let him chill since it was really busy.

"Hey Rae text me when and where we meet up on Monday." Oh wow I almost forgot to tell him when it was.

"Dont worry I'll send you the details later." I replied giving him a thumbs up. Lamon heard and leaped between us, putting his arms round us.

"An adventure? Care to have one more person join you guys?" He teased jokingly, I chuckled and pushed him away.

"Minjae is helping me with some gifts for my family since I havent gotten round to it." One more for the lie book, if I was anyone else I'd have thought things were solid. Lamon seemed to have understood as he made a face before laughing.

"Ah family gift shopping is a mess, have fun." He headed off inside and I breathed a small sigh of relief.

I got to my office and noticed Yun was already there, thankfully not drinking the ice tea I have in the mini fridge. Yes I have a mini fridge for drinks, its convenient when I'm pulling a long work day. I gave him a spare key to my office in case he needed to come in and out. Jisoo was fine with it as long as my computer was shut off so he couldn't see any confidential things. I almost wanted to say it would be futile if we wanted to stop him but I would rather like to keep my job.

"You look like shit." Ah there's good old Yun back again.

"Feeling like it too, I think I'm coming down with a cold and the nightmares don't seem to help." I say popping another advil in my mouth, washing it down with some water.

I managed to chill and get my work done for the day, instead of visiting the boys I stayed inside my office with Yun. Speaking of him he would not stop going on about how he wanted ramen. Specifically spicy ramen. We had a vending machine on the 4th floor so I decided to go up and get him some since it was gonna be a long night working. Promotions are still in full swing for the next week so the boys have some music show appearances I have to sort them out and a TV advert. And then I have a meeting with Lightbook that I also need to schedule. Ah this following week is gonna kick my ass.

I headed to the elevator since my floor was the 10th and those stairs would kill me and my thighs. I got down to the 8th floor when it stopped and in strolled Jaehyun, stopping for a second once he noticed I was going to be in here as well.

Great. Just great.

He looked like he wanted to say something but kept stopping and honestly, I regret not having my earphones to block him out. We were almost at the fourth floor when the elevator abruptly stopped and the lights went out.

....

....

Really? I know my luck is bad and all but this feels like of a cliche drama plot. The girl gets trapped in an elevator with her ex for who knows how long. The emergency lights went on and I looked over at Jaehyun.

"Ah fuck." Jaehyun cursed since he had tumbled back and hit his hand pretty hard on the elevator wall. That's gonna leave a bruise no doubt....and it might seem petty but I don't mind it one bit. But I know a bruise isn't good since fans will get worried.

"I'll call the emergency tech guys, I have ice water in my purse take it and rest it on your hand since its bruised." I didn't wait for his response and pressed the emergency call button. It's not as good as ice itself but it's pretty cold so it should help.

"....okay." He gave a meek response and dug through my bag for the bottle.

After a slightly tense call I sighed. Apparently something short circuited and we'd be trapped for 2 hours at least. I have some water and a granola bar but being trapped in a space with him really just grinds my gears.

"So we're stuck here for a while. Get comfy." I said sitting on the floor and opening my phone to text Minjae and Lishi. Yun probably already knows at this point. Less than a few seconds after I sent a message to Minjae he called my phone, making 'Long Flight' by Taeyong (not my choice he likes the song) blare through the small space before I could quickly accept the call.

R: hey

M: DON'T GIVE ME HEY ARE YOU OKAY???!

R: Don't worry I'm okay! We're stuck in between the 4th and 5th floor for a few hours but we should be fine.

M: He better not say anything mean to you others I'll tear him a new one.

I laughed, which made Jaehyun turn to me surprised.

R: Ah it's fine he and I are both just sat on the floor. I gotta go but don't get yourself into a worry fit okay Minnie?

M: You and your britishness confuse me sometimes...okay then. And dont call me Minnie I'm not a mouse!

I could practically hear him pouting through the phone and laughed even harder as I hung up.

"So you and Minjae..." I sighed rubbing my temples. I can feel the incoming headache dealing with him now.

"Whatever you think is going on you can take it and shove it down your throat. I'm not in the mood to deal with your little hissy fits." I hissed making him recoil a bit in surprise. Does he think he gets no consequences for what he does?

"I was just about to say he seems worried." He spoke after a few moments of silence.

"Its cause he cares about everyone, not like you'd know a thing about that." Petty Rae is really making an appearance today. He looked slightly offended at my words.

"Hey I care! What about you, you were the one always hanging around Yun and Minjae how do you think I felt?"

Is he serious? 'How do you think I felt' ????? He must be kidding.

"Do you really fucking think I'm flirting with either of them. Yun is a childhood friend just like Lishi is. He's a brother to me. And Minjae isn't into me either even if he was you of all people know I would NEVER cheat." His eyes widened but I kept going because I was on a roll.

"How do YOU feel? How do you think I felt seeing you with a fucking hickey today? Yeah I saw that shit, I don't even want to know where it came from but do you know how hurt and confused I was?"

At this point I hadn't noticed the tears streaming down my face till they hit my hand. I was just so tired dealing with everything. He reached out with his hands to brush away my tears but I smacked it away.

"Rae I-"

"NO! You listen to me. Do you know how tired I am? And I still made time for you, I cared for you and I do that because I care. But I'm so done." I wiped away the tears with a tissue from my bag and let out a breath.

"Why?" I asked not looking at him in the slightest. I had already ruined my make up with my tears and my eyes were puffy as hell now.

"....I thought you were cheating on me. Seohyun came to me with these pictures, ones where you're hugging Yun and another few with you kissing someone else."

She did what now? I turned with the most shocked expression I've ever had and Jaehyun fished out his phone from his pockets to show me a photo of Yun and I hugging from the day I found out he knew who I was all along. He swiped and the next was someone who could damn well pass as my doppelganger kissing a random guy.

"That first one was because Yun and I found out information from my life before I lost my memories. That second picture isn't me. If you paid any attention I have a birthmark on my face and she doesn't, that and her hair is much different to mine, more wavy not curly." Although if I was Jaehyun seeing these pictures I'd be suspicious as well.

"So that isnt you?" He turned the picture back to himself analysing it and even holding it up to my face. Once he realised how badly he fucked up the colour drained from his face.

"You should've talked to me. I would've explained everything but no you just went off the rails and that hurt. I'm more disappointed than anything now." It's true, I wasn't angry at him anymore but I just felt a gaping hole of sorrow and disappointment.

"I'm sorry..." He sounded choked up like he was about to cry himself.

"I'm sure you are but that doesn't change things."

As if on cue from when I finished my sentence, the elevator started up again finally stopping and opening on the fourth floor. I got up and took my bag.

"Keep the ice water, you shouldn't have too much bruising." I finished and without looking back I walked out of the elevator to get that damn ramen.

Once I returned Yun looked less than surprised to see me, confirming that he already knew what the hold up was.

"I guess that plan didn't work out." Yun mentioned off handedly. I'm sorry what? Was he the reason the elevator stopped? He must've noticed the look on my face before continuing.

"What, you guys needed to talk and if you heard the truth from me you wouldnt have come to an understanding." He pointed out. I sighed because he was right. It wouldn't have been as effective if I heard it from Yun and not Jaehyun.

"I can't decide whether to hug or throttle you." I said handing him his ramen. I also got some tteokbokki to share.

"Do both and make it kinky." He laughed and I tossed my couch cushion at his head. Although it did make me smile a bit.

As I ate I remembered what Jaehyun said. Seohyun showed him some pictures, but why? Shes been acting off lately as well. There's something wrong here and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

"So what's the plan with Seohyun?" Yun asked slurping away.

"We act natural for now. Gather whatever information you have on her and we act on it once we know the full story." I say after a minute of thinking. Lishi is going to love a good revenge plot.

I'm just getting my damn life back and I sure as hell won't let anyone mess it up.