Asking His Permission

Time passed by so fast and I am now four months pregnant. For the past weeks, I was thinking of possible ways on how I can escape but everything seems impossible. One idea is to just take the train to the countryside but I'm sure the man following me would know that in an instant. Another is to pretend going on a trip overseas and never return but I'm sure Geoff will not allow me to leave on my own. I'm starting to lose hope.

I have bought some baby clothes everytime I go out. I buy a lot of extra clothes for babies and kids that I can sell. So far, Geoff never asked me about the credit card bills which makes me feel relieved. It means he doesn't have any clue on what I am doing. Most of the time, I have the clothes shipped to Annie's place.

These days, Geoff rarely spends time at home. There are times that he came home only to get more clothes. I never got any message from Erica since the last time she informed me the she and Geoff were together. I don't care that much about them anymore too. Thanks to my baby and my business, I was able to move on easily.

Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, Geoff never accompanied me in visiting my doctor. He always had a reason not to come. Actually, for me, I feel more comfortable eith that set up since I can go anywhere I want after.

Regina also became nicer to me these days. She never asked me about where I go or what I do even if I sometimes spend the whole day outside. She also always recommends me to eat more fruits and not to be stressed. She even bought a maternity book for me which I find very useful.

"Did you already check the baby's gender?" Geoff asked. He finally had the time to have breakfast with me. He is still is his usual self, sweet whenever he is with me although I find it very disgusting but of course I have to pretend that I like it.

"Not yet. Actually, the doctor said I can know it as early as now but I said I want to keep it until the fifth month."

"I will go with you at that time. I'm excited to know my baby's gender." He said smiling. How dare him say "MY BABY" instead of "OUR BABY".

"Okay."

"Do you want to buy something? I'm already planning to have one of the rooms here to be renovated for the baby but I have to make sure about the gender first so I know what color to choose for the wallpaper and the furnitures. Also, I want to hire a trained nanny to look after the baby. That way, you can still have time for yourself."

The more I listen to what he says, the more I want to slap his face. I'm sure he is planning my baby's life without me. If he thinks I would allow that then he has to think again.

"Are you okay? Are you listening?" He asked.

"I'm okay. Just a little dizzy."

"Do you want me to bring you to the hospital?" He sat down beside me immediately with a worried look on his face. I'm sure he is more worried about the baby, it just happens that the baby is inside me so he has to worry about me.

"I want to take a rest. I'm sure I will feel better after."

"Okay then. I'm sorry I have to go to the office later but if you need anything you can tell Nancy or you can call me directly, okay? I feel disappointed at you these days. You never send me a message nor call anymore. You used to tell me you miss me frequently but now, I never heard those words from you anymore."

"I guess it's because of the hormones." I said. I just want to end this conversation with him.

"I hope so." He then accompanied me to go to bed. After kissing my forehead, he left.

I can't help but cry immediately after the door of the bedroom closed. I pity myself for being in this situation. I pity myself for pretending to be okay all the time. I want to leave this place as soon as possible but I don't know how. All I wanted before was to be happy, I didn't know that a short time of happiness would be accompanied with so much sadness. I feel so alone and the worse part, I don't have anyone I can talk to about everything I feel and think of. I sometimes tell Nancy about my feelings but I still have to choose what I tell her. At that time, I remember my mom. I got my phone and sent her a message.

"How are you, mom. I suddenly miss you. I hope you are doing good."

After a few minutes, my phone beeped loudly. It is a call from my mom. I hesitated to answer the call at first because I'm sure she would recognize that I am crying from my voice but I really need someone to talk to now.

"Hello, mom."

"What happened? Are you okay?" She asked.

The moment I heard her voice, I wept continuously. It was like I was finally able to open up and let go of all the pain I kept inside me for the past months.

She was quiet and I know she was just listening to me crying.

"I knew you were not okay. You only say you miss me when you have a problem." She finally said when I stopped crying. "Is it your husband? Or her step mom?"

"Long story mom but he is cheating on me, or should I say he is just using me."

"Come home, Jez. I can take care of you and your baby in here."

I was surprised with what she said. I never remember telling her I am pregnant! "How did you know I am pregnant?"

"Your husband told me. He sends gifts here fr time to time. My house is already filled woth new appliances and furnitures because of him. He always says it was you who asked him to send those to me but I know you more than him, I'm sure you wouldn't do that because you don't want me to feel uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry for not telling you mom. It is actually a very long story. Can I visit you this weekend?" I asked.

"I would love to. I really miss you, Jez and it breaks my heart to hear you crying. I'm sorry I can't be there for you." I can imagine my mom crying while she was speaking. She is the strongest woman I know but when it comes to me, she always cries.

"I will tell you everything mom when we meet." And we cried together. I feel guilty because I grew up not having that close relationship with her. I always thought she loved her work more than me and I couldn't not recall any special bond we shared together but I realized now that when a person feels depressed, the first person who can understand and comfort him is his mother.

After the call, I send a message to Geoff immediately.

"I want to see my mom this weekend. Can I go home and spend some days with her?"

I'm sure he will allow me to go. There is no way he wouldn't. I never met my mom since we got married. I know I seldom visits her but I really need her this time. I opened the message immediately when it beeped.

"I will accompany you." Geoff replied.