Why Can't I

CUT!"

At last, everything's done...

Caleb gave me a quick kiss before he withdrew his self, while Xavier gave me a butt squeeze.

"You're really amazing,"Caleb said near my ears.

I just give him a weak smile. Drew, the director, gave me a robe. I went to the bathroom to clean myself. I hope that I can also clean my soul.

If ever I die right now I'm sure I will go directly to HELL.

I spend half an hour scrubbing myself, hoping na lahat ng halik at pambababoy na ginagawa ko sa sarili ko ay matanggal din. Well, it's my fault on the first place. In frustration, lumabas na ako at nagpalit ng damit.

It's new...

I look like decent.

I hope...

Just like the dress I'm wearing right now, I can also change myself.

Can I still change my life?

I was lost in my thoughts when Drew put his hands on my shoulders. I look at him.

"I'm sorry about-"

But I cut him by putting my index finger to his lips.

"It's okay. That's what our bosses want. We are just following their command."

"But..."

I look at him in the eyes.

"How many times will I have to tell you that I'm alright?"

He remove his hands on my shoulder as a sign of resignation.

"But it doesn't feel right. It's my fault. If not because of me, you're not here. You're not doing things that's against your will."

I put my hands to his cheeks.

"Drew, that's what I thanked you. If not because of you, I am probably dead by now because of hunger.. If not because of you surely I already lost the hope to fight for life. My contract will end soon, so I can now have my freedom."

He put my hands to his lips.

"Still, it's my fault. I snatch your freedom. I diverted you to the wrong path. I feed you things that are not right"

"Don't forget that I ate those things. So please, don't blame yourself."

"You are a tough woman."

"I know and you know the reason why I am doing this."

"Right. How was he?"

"Right now okay he is okay. But we need to go back to the hospital later."

"You want ma to go with you?"

"No, its okay I can do it."

"Here"

He gave me an envelope and I already know what it is. I put it on my pocket.

He eyed me as if I've done something wrong.

"What?"

"Are you not going to count it?"

"What for? I trust you."

I gave him smile that makes him frown.

"You gave me a bucketful of trust that you already entrust your life to me."

He put his hands to my waist as he pulled me to his embrace.

I rest my head to his chest listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Why is it so good in hos embrace. It felt like his heartbeat is composing a song. I just realized that he is already swaying me, as he sings the song that was different from what was playing in my head.

You change my life.

You clean me up.

You found my heart.

Like only a woman can.

I close my eyes as he sings it. This was not the first time na kinanta niya ito sa akin.

Why cant I love him? Why can't I open my heart to you? Why do I keep on waiting for a man that I don't even know if he will be coming?

You pull me up.

When you know I'm sad.

You knows your man

Like only a woman can.

I felt his lips touch my head.

Like only a woman can...