The Hedgehog

2nd of April, 2166: The first item that caught my eye in the dimly lit Ilona's office room was a set of documents—neatly stacked but impossible to ignore. My hands trembled as I read the clinical report where it was written that I had spent the last year in an induced coma. The words stared back at me, sterile and unfeeling. The cause? A severe brain injury resulting in Brain Ischemia.

Ilona's name surfaced repeatedly in the papers. She was the one who had brought me to the hospital, rushing me to the emergency room on the brink of death. But the details stopped there. Nothing explained how I ended up in that state.

According to the documents, six months later, my condition improved, and Ilona requested to take me to her home, offering to manage my care. Once I was discharged from the hospital, I was placed in an 'Assisted Living' arrangement. The details of that time are completely lost to me—I have no recollection of those months at all.

3rd of April: The weight of unanswered questions became too much to bear. I couldn't leave things as they were. The next day, I returned to the office, determined to find more answers. Piece by piece, I uncovered fragments of my identity: I wasn't born in Némless. In fact, the evidence suggested I came from a completely different continent, as neither my DNA nor my ethnic background matched anyone from Némless or the surrounding cities. Ilona and Inzali weren't my distant relatives, as Ilona had always claimed. In truth, everything she had told me was a carefully constructed web of lies.

Deep down, I had always suspected we didn't share any familial bonds, but discovering her deception was like pulling a thread that unraveled my fragile trust. Why lie? What was she hiding?

From that day forward, everything around me felt even more alien. Loneliness crept in, and I felt betrayed in ways I never thought possible. I couldn't remember my life, and now even the scraps of truth had to be stolen, pried out of locked drawers. Desperation tightened its grip.

Silence. I avoided everyone, especially Ilona. Fury simmered beneath the surface, coiling tighter with every passing hour. I rehearsed conversations in my mind, only to abandon them before they could be spoken.

"When is the right moment to confront them? Should I even try? And what would happen if I did?" These questions circled endlessly, robbing me of peace.

Time Passed... Isolation became my new reality. It wasn't long before I realized I had exiled myself. My stubbornness drove a wedge between me and the rest of the house. They stopped trying to reach out. I could see it in their eyes—the resignation.

A part of me longed to confide in Inzali. She had been my only friend. But the fear of more lies, more betrayal, kept my lips sealed. I had built this wall, and now I was trapped behind it. But still, I reminded myself: This is my life. I have the right to know.

Dinner was a solemn affair. No one spoke until their plates were empty, a rule Ilona enforced with military precision. Each meal felt like a quiet battle, where even asking for the salt felt like a plea for mercy.

As the eldest child in the orphanage, I knew I was supposed to set an example for the others, but I just couldn't bring myself to lie and pretend everything was fine. The fact that I couldn't even tell if my name was "Seànn," as Ilona had told me, or if it was a four-digit code "1024", as written in the medical reports I found, was slowly eating me up inside. But no one seemed to care.

I was a guest in this house—no belongings of my own, no claim to anything but the food on my plate. I hated that feeling. And yet, I couldn't blame them. If I were in their position, I'd probably think the same: Be grateful for the roof over your head and the food on your plate, you ungrateful brat. That's probably what I would've said. And for now, I had to move on from this life of being a duck on a farm, eating and shitting every damn day... Which, now that I thought about it, really summed up my daily routine.

8th of April: The days blurred together, a haze of numbness and quiet despair. I began to lose interest in everything. Even the thought of ending it all crossed my mind—a sin so grave, according to Ilona's sacred books. But deep down, I knew the change was within me.

10th of April: It was my Moon Day, and everything about the world felt unbearable. My body ached, my patience wore thin. By the time dinner came around, I was at my breaking point. When Ilona asked me to clean the dishes, something snapped. Without thinking, I hurled my plate to the floor and stormed off.

Her voice followed me up the stairs, sharp and unforgiving. But I didn't stop. I regretted it immediately, especially knowing Inzali had witnessed my outburst, I really didn't want to give that kind of picture about myself.

12th of April: After two days of tensions, where I refused to leave my room, not even to eat, I knew I was heading for a breaking point. I felt like I'd die if I left my room. One day, Inzali came to my door and asked me to talk. She explained that the growing tension between me and her sister wasn't helping either of us, and we needed to find a way to move past it.

Despicable me... That same evening, I found myself caught in another heated argument with Ilona. For the first time, she screamed directly into my face. She told me I needed to stop acting like a child and grow up. A lot of cruel and painful words were exchanged that night, and I regret most of them even now.

26th of April: That night, I had a strange dream. I found a beheaded, rainbow-colored snake in a small plastic bag. Despite its head being torn off, it was still wriggling! For some reason, I had to take it far away from here, as if it was some kind of delivery. I asked Inzali about it, and she told me that dreams always have meaning. I can't help but wonder what that one meant…

5th of May: It was a bright day, with pleasant weather, and I wasn't in a particularly bad mood either. I spent my time tending to the flower garden I'd created on my balcony from an empty space. I wish I could do this forever. I can never see enough flowers, nor tire of their sweet fragrance. Each one is a delicate bloom, whether in a formal garden or a wasteland. Their petals are like works of art, and their colors are medicine for my soul, bringing me happiness. My favorite will always be lavender. I'm not sure if I can even call it a flower compared to the others I have, but its fragrance is something else. I can't quite describe it, it's almost aesthetic. The violet fields, full of vivid purple, calm and relax me in a way no other flowers ever have.

While I was taking care of my little garden on my balcony, I overheard Ilona talking to some of the other kids. They were discussing how Inzali was leaving for some kind of mission. I didn't catch many details, but I clearly heard that she'd be gone for a month.

7th of June: Two months passed in silence. Nothing really changed after Inzali left. Ilona had to take on the work of two people while her sister was away, which kept her even busier than before. I barely left my room, sneaking into the kitchen at night like a ghost. Ilona seemed to have given up on me entirely. I felt like I was on the verge of being kicked out at any moment when we would bump into each other.

20th of June: On warm nights, I'd escape to the roof, overlooking the lake, the lustrous moon rose high above the magnificent lake, its light reflecting the vast number of stars cascading into the water. From a distance, it looked like a scattering of milky ways. That was my special place, just for me.

The scenery became my only friend. It never talked back, but it was always there to listen to my random thoughts, ideas, and dreams while I savored my dinner, usually made from leftovers from the kitchen. I was certain Ilona made sure there were always some leftovers in the fridge. She wasn't clueless—she had that "eye of the tiger," and I knew she knew what I was up to during the night. She was sharp, noticing even the smallest details. Nothing escaped her. I wouldn't lie, I was grateful for that... But the silence between us lasted so long that I could never bring myself to say something like, "Hey, thank you for thinking about me..."

8th of July: I spent the entire day waiting for Inzali to come back, but once again, she didn't come. While I was watching from my window, keeping an eye on the gates, Ilona spotted me. She just shook her head and walked away. I could've said "Hello" or at least waved, but I didn't. It had been multiple months since I'd spoken to anyone, and at that moment, I wasn't even sure if I could speak the language anymore.

9th of July: I kept thinking about those documents from the office. Once I had my dinner ready, I snuck up to the roof as usual, but the rain forced me to head back. As I descended, I noticed the light on in my room. I carefully climbed down and tried to make as little noise as possible. When I got there, I saw that the door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open gently with the palm of my hand. That's when I saw Inzali's slim silhouette, standing by the window, gazing outside.

Not sure what to do, I quietly closed the door and sat down on my bed, holding my half-wet sandwich. I hadn't eaten all day, and now, staring at the fresh slices of tomato and cheese wedged between two pieces of bread, I couldn't help but drool. It felt like I was doing something wrong—like I had somehow stolen that sandwich, which only made the situation feel more awkward. But in the end, I stayed silent and ate, savoring every bite as if it might be my last.

Maybe it was because I was ashamed of how I had acted, or perhaps because I never apologized to her after the kitchen incident. Maybe I just felt guilty for never stepping up to help her sister, who was struggling to manage the other 17 orphans. Whatever the reason, I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye. Instead, I stared at the wooden floor, counting each crack in the boards. How childish was I, at sixteen? Still trying to act distant, pretending I didn't care, even though I was waiting for Inzali to return every single day.

Inzali sighed and opened the window. "Is it good?" she asked.

I didn't expect her to ask me that, so I just nodded in silence.

"I'm glad," she said, then sat on the bed next to me. "I'll keep the window open for a bit, if you don't mind."

I could feel her skin brush against mine—she was so warm, it almost felt strange. Even without looking at her face, I could tell she was staring at me.

"You know, two days ago I found a small hedgehog," she said softly. "It reminded me of you. Ferocious at first, but so gentle and fragile once you get to know it." She patted my head quietly, then kissed my forehead then said something I craved to hear much, just a simple phrase that would give me the reason to exist in this world... "I missed you."

I never realized how much impact just a few words could have. I broke into tears, overwhelmed by emotions I couldn't explain. For the first time in a long while, I felt like a little girl, craving to be seen.

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Brain Ischemia* - Condition in which there is insufficient blood flow to the brain to meet metabolic demand.

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'Moon Day'* - Menstrual Cycle.