RTYY 107 - A Memory of Cold and Pain

Still it amazed him every time, ZaiWin thought, taking a moment to look at his back, at the delicate, shimmering pearly lines that traced all those complex patterns across his pale skin. VinWei was right, they were truly beautiful.

Even though he had never seen the markings of another Celestial, he had seen plenty different markings, a few rather amazing. The royals, for example, were amongst them, their backs traced with bright, red markings that emanated pure, raw power. But these brat's silvery wings were on a completely different level.

Taking a deep breath, ZaiWin focused on his own task. He chose the most harmless of the ice markings and, concentrating his own energy on two fingers, gently touched it.

Just a little nudge was all that was needed, since it wasn't as if the brat's markings were completely inactive. He only had to excite it a little bit, so that Snow could feel it and, in his mind, recognize it and separate it from the rest of them.

It didn't take him long, ZaiWin could see by the way his head gently lolled back and forth as if he had fallen asleep. His affinity to cold and ice was so strong that even his body temperature was a bit lower than that of an ordinary person. If he hadn't been a Celestial, he would have probably been one of the strongest ice users of the Empire. And yet, if it was as VinWei had told them, and Celestials developed their elemental affinities according to the environment that surrounded them while they were children, ZaiWin couldn't help wondering what he'd been through as a young child, that had made him develop such strong affinity with everything cold and icy.

A shiver ran down Snow's spine and he instinctively rubbed his arms, his breath condensing in white puffs of smoke in front of his mouth and nose.

It was cold, so cold that it was hard to breathe. And no matter how much he bent his legs against his chest to try and keep warm, the cold still easily seeped through his thin clothes.

His bare feet were tucked inside a pair of old rope sandals, and they were reddened and numb due the low temperature. Small feet!, he realized with a startle, and immediately checked his hands and arms, touching his own face and bald head. He was small again!, he realized looking around in panic. And he knew this place all too well, he immediately concluded.

He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the bridge's railing. And he was wearing a simple cotton tunic that was a few good sizes too big. It reached bellow his knees, helping protect his legs from the harsh cold, but, at the same time, it constantly slid down his small, skinny shoulders, exposing his bare skin to the freezing temperatures.

He remembered this tunic. He had worn it until it had fallen rotten from his body. Until then, Sand had made her best to mend it over and over again, using whatever scraps of fabric she managed to find.

Why was he here?, he wondered, forcing his stiff legs to move so he could stand up. This had never happened before. Before he had been shown images that expressed his daitai nature. Beautiful, calming pictures that had filled his heart with wonder and joy. Sure, he hadn't expect to experience the same amazing warm feelings when dealing with ice daitai. But this … this was no picture, no image. This was a part of his memory. Why was his own daitai showing him something that had already happened?

"Hey! Look there! Isn't that the retarded brat that lives under the bridge?"

The sound of that familiar voice, that he had completely forgotten about, froze him in place, a completely different kind of cold seeping into his chest.

"That's right! His probably begging for scraps again!" another voice added and a group of four older children surrounded him, hateful, scornful expression on their faces.

"You filthy beggar! How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to see your dirty face roaming the streets? You never learn!" the first boy spat and another gave one step forward, forcing him to step back.

"I think he needs another lesson!" he suggested and all four smiled cruelly.

He had also forgotten what came next, the same that had come every time he had crossed paths with them. He was beaten for no reason at all, just because he was poor, and smaller. They kicked him over and over again, to the point where he started doubting if he'd ever be able to stand up again.

When they were finished, Snow just lay there, his tunic now dirty and bloody. He'd have to wash it clean before Sand returned. He didn't want to needlessly worry her. The problem was that, without sun, his tunic wouldn't dry in time, which meant he'd have to wear it while it was still wet. Just thinking about it he couldn't help shivering. He'd be even colder after that, he'd probably even freeze to death.

Snow tried to move, but his chest and back hurt so much that he gave up the next instant. He'd also forgotten about the pain, he realized, closing his eyes, focusing on breathing. At least the cold didn't feel all that bad on his split lips and scrapped skin, the blood freezing in place, the numbness taking away part of the pain. And yet he really had to get up, he told himself, but wasn't able to gather enough courage for a second attempt. The longer he laid there, the later it got, and he'd end up having to sleep in a wet tunic if he didn't hurry up. He doubted that he'd be able to survive that.

The speed with which the temperature dropped all around him made ZaiWin shiver and vigorously shake his arms to try and push the cold away. His breath immediately transformed into white puffs the moment it left his mouth, and he made a mental note to remember to bring his cloak the next time.

Well, the marking had been successfully activated, ZaiWin concluded, watching the brat sitting in front of him. The first step in learning how to control it was being able to deactivate it, and so he waited.

Before, the brat had been able to learn how to do it rather quickly. In fact, he could almost be considered a true genius in daitai control. It all came easily and effortlessly to him, almost like breathing, to the point that even ZaiWin had felt a bit jealous of him from time to time. But now, no matter how long he waited, the temperature didn't get any warmer. Quite the contrary, he noticed with another shiver.

Around the brat, the small patches of grass were starting to freeze, which wasn't suppose to happen at all, since that was the effect of another, completely different marking. Soon, even the brat's eyelashes were sprinkled with small particles of ice and he started shivering, his quivering lips slowly turning purple.

So much for being able to control it, ZaiWin concluded, squatting down, shivering as much as him.

"Brat! Open your eyes!" he commanded, placing a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake, but he immediately retracted it.

It was as if he'd just touched a large piece of ice, ZaiWin realized, looking at his own reddened fingers, his skin immediately brunt by the extreme cold.

"Shit!" he muttered under his breath, noticing as the frozen area was rapidly growing around them.

"Freaking brat! Open your eyes already!" he demanded, grabbing him by his shoulders again, bearing the pain to try and shake him awake.

Finally Snow seemed to snap out of it, taking an urgent deep breath as if he'd been drowning and had finally been able to swim back to the surface.

Unable to stand the cold any longer, ZaiWin released him and, to his surprise, the brat fell listless to one side, his body shivering, almost convulsing, as he fought for every breath.

Urgently grabbing his coat, ZaiWin covered his naked body with it and pulled him up again, wrapping it tightly around his freezing body, quickly rubbing his arms and back. And yet, no matter what he did to try and raise his body temperature, he could still feel the cold, seeping through the fabric. It came from inside him, ZaiWin knew. And so he pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him, hoping his own body temperature would help him warm up.

"You're fine! Now calm down!" he commanded, still rubbing his back, and hugged his shivering body more tightly. Even the soft silver hair that brushed against his neck was freezing cold. Sure, ZaiWin wouldn't die from this, but being slowly frozen stiff wasn't funny either!

"Calm down, damn brat! Or I'll knock you out and be done with it!" he decided and felt two small hands squeeze his coat over his chest, as Snow tried to obey and breathe slower. The temperature around them finally stopped dropping and, soon enough, it begun to slowly rise, allowing ZaiWin to take a deep breath.

"I can't do this …"

The small, muffled whisper that reached his ears made him focus his attention on Snow's low voice.

"Well, failing always sucks. It doesn't mean it's impossible."

The brat shook his head, rubbing his forehead against his chest in the process.

"I can't …"

"You just have to try again …"

The surprisingly strong shove he received actually made ZaiWin loose his balance and land straight on his bottom.

Still taken aback by what had just happened, he looked up at the brat. Snow was standing right in front of him, a furious expression on his face, even though his pale eyes were drowning in tears.

"What do you know?! You know nothing about me! You don't even care! If I say I can't do this, then I can't!" he spilled out all in one breath, actually raising his voice to speak, and, grabbing his tunic in a swift movement, simply turned and ran away from there.

Nox ZaiWin just sat there for an instant, his mind completely blank. What had just happened …? But then, as the sequence of events replayed in his mind, a colder, darker anger, immediately took over him.

Who did that brat think he was? There he'd been, willingly giving him of his time, patiently trying to teach him! And he'd just gone and thrown a fit?!, shouting at him because he had finally stumbled on an obstacle? He had had to be kidding!, ZaiWin decided, jumping to his feet. He was so furious now that he didn't even bother running after him, simply making use of the darkness all around to slip through it and appear right in front of him.

Almost crashing into him, the brat stopped so suddenly that he almost fell back. But by then ZaiWin's hand was already around his thin neck, and he had already pushed him against the closest tree, threatening the squeeze the life out of him.

Even after running, the brat's skin was still too cold, but no longer cold enough to hurt him. And Snow immediately grabbed his arm, uselessly trying to make him release him, his pale eyes widening in panic.

"What have I told you about you running away from me?"

Snow gripped his wrist, his feet barely touching the ground, forcing him to stand on tiptoes as he did his best to keep breathing. The blue eyes staring at him were like cold, hard spears, frighteningly holding him in place, making him unable to fight back. It was true he had run away, but not like that … He would never dare try to run away from him with him standing right there, in front of him.

A sudden dark shadow covered the pale light of the silvery moon, and Snow took a sharp breath, readying himself for the worse. But then … everything was incredible silent. He could no longer hear his own panicking breathing, or ZaiWin's harsh, threatening voice. He'd been so scared that it took him a while to realize what was happening, to feel the warm lips pressed against his, to feel the hot tongue that had slipped inside his mouth. Eyes widening in shock, Snow looked at him, and saw him staring back, those blue eyes so close to his face that his heart jumped into a frenzying beating. And then he simply released him, leaving gasping for air again.

Pressing a trembling hand against his burning lips, Snow couldn't help stare at him in fear and disbelief.

Nox ZaiWin lowered his gaze, looking at his own hand, trying to quickly collect his thoughts. It didn't hurt anymore, he quickly concluded, flexing his fingers, his burned skin completely restored. That was all fine and good but … What had he just done? Worse yet, how was he supposed to fix things between them? He had lost his temper, which was never a good thing, the fact that that stupid brat had dared run away from him irking him more than anything. And sure, he hadn't killed him but, looking at his terrified expression, he knew he might as well have done it.

"What? You can go around healing half the world and I must suffer in silence from the injures that you caused me?" he demanded, trying to sound as angry as possible, and the scared pale eyes staring at him looked at his recently healed hand.

Fear and disbelief quickly gave way to understanding, which in turn allowed him to relax a bit. ZaiWin could clearly read it on his face, the relief and acceptance of his explanation for what he'd just unthinkingly done. So he had been hurt. So he had hurt him. He would have probably tried to kiss him himself, if he had noticed that before. What had been nervous anxiety quickly transformed into sorrow and guilt.

"I'm sorry …"

Those whispered words almost made him loose his temper again.

"Cut the crap, fucking brat! As if I care about some minor burns! Didn't I tell you that if you ever tried to run away I'd break your legs?"

Fright seeped back into his face, and Snow quickly looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"I wasn't trying to run away! I just … I can't."

"Isn't that the same thing?" he threw back at him and the brat blinked as if he'd just been suddenly slapped. "So what if things didn't go according to plan? So what if you failed? So what if it's hard? If it hurts? Are you just going to turn your back on it all and start running? And stop when? If the damn things your running from are engraved on your back?"

Snow looked shocked for a moment and then lowered his head, his shoulders slumping.

"These daitai … they don't work the same way … I was … trapped."

"I could see that! Why would I have forcefully pulled you out of it otherwise? So what if you got trapped? So what if you get trapped the next time, and the time after that? I'll fucking pull you out of it as many times as its needed, until you finally find the way out on your own! You just have to suck it up and face it, until you're able to control it!"

"What if I can't …?"

"An annoying freaking genius like you? As if I'd ever believe that!" he grunted and Snow finally raised his head, taking a deep breath and wincing at the motion.

At first ZaiWin thought that he had actually hurt him, when he'd held him by his neck. But then he saw him rub his chest and wince some more. Had he somehow hurt him more than he thought?

"Are you hurt?"

With a startled, the brat quickly pulled his tunic over his head, dressing in record speed.

"It's nothing."

Nox ZaiWin sighed. That was more than enough for one night. The brat clearly needed his rest and he … he clearly needed to put his thoughts in order. His lips still felt numb from the ice-cold kiss he'd stole from him.

Bad ZaiWin! Scaring Snow-chan like that! Where's VinWei to kick his butt?? 😠

ZaiWin: Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos).

VinWei: Literally vin (hard) + wei (crystal)

Daitai: Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They're the source of power.

Nox: Literally nox (night). Where Nox is the name of the Clan, also the name of a Province.