RTYY 199 - A Real Bad Dream

"You like this, right?"

Snow blinked.

His head felt weird, heavy but at the same time light, as if his brain was floating inside his skull. He tried to focus his vision, but the white fog in front of his eyes didn't allow him to see much. His mouth was dry, his lips were chapped, and his tongue felt like this strange, rubbery thing, taking up too much space inside his mouth.

Something hot and wet was dragged across his skin, just below his bellybutton. The burning pain made him frown, but his muddle brain couldn't come up with the right words to form a coherent complaint.

"You're such a dirty child. Just look at this," the voice went on, echoing strangely in his ears.

Something hot and hard squeezed him, making him jump, the rattling of chains echoing in response, the leather cuffs binding his hands above his head bitting into his already bloody wrists.

It hurt! It hurt a lot more than that other burning pain. It was as if something was also squeezing his heart and he could hardly breathe. And then another jolting sensation coursed through his entire body, when that squeezing thing slowly slid up and down. He tried to bend his legs, to escape the horrible sensation, but there were chains binding his ankles as well, and trying to move only made it even more painful. He wanted to escape from that place, it didn't matter how, even if escaping meant that he would have to die.

"Shall I lick it for you? I'm sure you will enjoy it even more …"

Snow opened his eyes with a startle and all he could see was darkness.

Feeling completely lost, the only thing he knew was that he was lying on a bed, and that a warm hand was grabbing his arm. A deafening panic flooded his brain, and he quickly shook his arm free. Sitting up, Snow pulled away as fast as he could. He couldn't breathe, he realized, which only made things worse, his eyes burning as he felt himself choke.

"Hey, calm down … You're okay," someone told him and Snow immediately turned towards that voice, ready to fight whoever they might be until his last breath. No one was going to tie him down again!

The sudden wave of bile that rose in his throat made him cover his mouth. He felt sick. And, even though he still felt kind of lost, somehow his brain recognized that place, allowing him to quickly jump off the bed and run to the water basin, so he could throw-up.

ZaiWin sat there, unable to move, hearing Snow's ragged breaths whenever he managed to stop gagging. He had never felt such overwhelming, earth-shattering regret in his entire life.

Too tired to stand, Snow fell on his knees and simply sat there, trying to catch his breath, trying to regain control over his own body. He had to calm down and think clearly. It had all been a dream. Only another stupid dream. The thing was, it had been a while since he'd last had one of those horrible dreams. Since he'd felt this miserable. And because he'd stopped dreaming about it, he had happily made himself pretend that he'd forgotten that those things had actually happened.

The warm arms that surrounded him startled him and left him tense. But the hard, warm surface he was suddenly forced to lead back against was comfortingly familiar. A large hand covered his chest, just above his heart, and somehow its uncontrollable painful beat started to slow down, as if it was obeying some silent command.

"You're safe here," a low voice declared just above his head, and Snow was finally able to relax.

Only a stupid dream, he repeated to himself, wiping his mouth on the back of a shaky hand.

The warm arms just held him like that until his breathing returned to normal. Only then did they slowly release him, allowing him to move. The problem was that, by then, Snow's senses had also completely returned to normal, and he was now feeling extremely embarrassed. He kept nagging ZaiWin to stop treating him like a kid, but he had just behaved like a child, afraid of a mere nightmare.

The warm hand that ruffled his hair made Snow lower his head.

"Feeling better?"

Snow nodded and ZaiWin sighed. Snow may be feeling better, but he still felt wretched, knowing he was the only one to blame for whatever horrible nightmare he had seen.

Standing up, ZaiWin offered him his hand.

"Can you stand?"

Snow nodded again, but he still took his offer. And ZaiWin couldn't help grit his teeth at how cold and sweaty his shaky hand felt.

Helping him to his feet, ZaiWin carefully watched over Snow's every step until he was safely sitting on the bed again. The fact that Snow was avoiding looking up at him didn't go unnoticed. Well, he could hardly blame him, ZaiWin thought. Of course he'd be crossed, if not angry at him, for daring question him about such private, painful matter.

"Will you be all right on your own? I'll get you some fresh water so you can rinse your mouth."

Snow hesitated for a moment, but ended up nodding again.

In truth, he didn't want to be left alone. But he'd already behaved like a child more than enough. And besides, his mouth really tasted bad. And so he just sat there, not daring move an inch, until he heard the sound of the door closing.

Taking a good look around the room, Snow once more told himself that he wasn't in that place anymore, that he had to learn how to distinguish between his nightmares and reality. In reality, that woman was already dead. That bedroom had been abandoned for a long time. The red curtains that had surrounded his bed had rotten away. All of that was in the past.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to relax. But he couldn't relax for long.

Snow glanced towards the door.

Why was he taking so long? Wasn't he only going to fetch him some water? Or had that only been an excuse so that he could leave the room?

He had really embarrassed himself this time, Snow thought, feeling depressed. He had even harshly pushed ZaiWin away, even though he had only been trying to help him.

He knew ZaiWin couldn't exactly simply run away, but that didn't mean he didn't wish he could. ZaiWin had asked him to stay by his side but, let's face it, what other choice did he have? Wasn't he simply conforming to a situation that was completely out of his control? Why would someone like him want someone like Snow at his side anyway? Sure, he might be one of those apparently rare and important beings, but he was also a huge source of problems. After their last conversation that much had become clear. There were so many ways their plan could go wrong that Snow couldn't help feeling anxious just thinking about it. And if they were caught trying to deceive the most important people in the Empire?, then what? Wouldn't they be sentenced to death like ZaiWin had predicted right from the start?

Snow was so lost in his own mind that he actually jumped when the door opened again.

So, he had returned, after all, he concluded. And that simple thought was enough to brighten his mood.

ZaiWin paused at the door, balancing the large tray he was carrying in one arm, and closed the door behind him. Crossing the room, he was finally able to set the tray on the bed beside him.

Straightening his back, he took a deep breath and glanced towards the boy.

His complexion was a bit ashen but, overall, he seemed to be doing better.

Grabbing the basin of fresh water, he went to put it back on its place, near the stone bathtub. Snow hadn't even realized that he had taken it with him. Now he felt even more embarrassed, thinking that he had probably washed it, after he had thrown-up inside it.

"Want to come and wash up?"

Snow nodded and stood up to follow him.

His footsteps were a lot firmer as well, ZaiWin noticed, watching him cross the room. But he was still avoiding looking up at him.

Stepping away, ZaiWin granted Snow some space, so he could wash up at will.

The moment he approached the basin, Snow immediately felt the gentle warmth emanating from the water. The menthol, fresh scent that had filled the room the instant ZaiWin had stepped inside also came from there. And so he wasn't surprised when he dipped his hands in the water and found it a relaxing lurk-warm temperature.

So that's why he'd taken so long, Snow thought, washing his face and rinsing his mouth that was still tasting bitter. ZaiWin had also brought him some kind of tea, he'd noticed the moment he'd set the tray on the bed. Finding that ZaiWin hadn't simply been trying to avoid him left him embarrassedly happy.

After he washed up, ZaiWin handed him a clean rag so he could dry his face. It smelled as fresh as the water.

"I also brought you some clean clothes, if you want to change," ZaiWin told him, and Snow looked at the carefully folded set of clean clothes placed on the bed.

He simply nodded, feeling embarrassed again. ZaiWin had probably noticed how sweaty he was, when he'd held him.

Walking to the bed, Snow took off his tunic, using it to dry the parts of his body that still felt damp, and exchanged it for the clean, dry tunic ZaiWin had brought him. When he was about to take off his pants, however, he couldn't help hesitate. This was the first time he was aware that he actually felt conscious about his own body while standing in front of someone else.

Snow had always disliked and resented the fact that that woman, and even the lord of that Fortress, had never allowed him to wear any proper, decent clothing. And he could still clearly remember how happy he'd felt, when, back at the Fortress, ZaiWin had told him that the clothes waiting on that chair had been brought especially for him. Even so, after spending most of his life barley clothed, Snow had inevitably developed a certain lack of common sensibility regarding his own body.

Even though he didn't like it and would rather remain clothed, Snow had always been able to easily remain naked in front of other people. If he hesitated to get undressed when others told him to do so, it was never because he felt ashamed, but rather because it made him feel vulnerable. As long as he had his clothes on, he could easily simply run away. Doing so naked, however, would probably only get him into deeper troubles than the ones he already had.

In fact, he was aware that he had undressed in front of ZaiWin countless times before. Even in that underground cave, he'd been completely naked. But he'd never felt this awkward. Now he actually felt ashamed, he concluded, lowering his head to hide his burning cheeks while he quickly pulled his pants down and slipped into the clean ones.

Inwardly sighing in relief once the task was done, Snow finally dared take a peek at him.

ZaiWin was sitting on the bed, lightly blowing the boiling hot contents of a small stone bowl.

Crossing the room, Snow also sat silently on the bed.

"Here. Drink slowly. It will help settle your stomach."

Snow accepted the bowl he handed him and took a small sip. It was really hot, but it tasted sweet and flowery, and the smell was very pleasant.

Taking his time Snow, carefully sipped the entire contents of the bowl and, once he was finished, he felt comfortable and warm. His stomach, which had been angrily burning just moments ago, also seemed to be appeased. And so he inevitably felt sleepy again.

Straightening his back, Snow forced his eyes to remain open. He may feel sleepy, but he had no intentions to go back to sleep. One nightmare was more than enough for one night. He did not want to risk it and fall asleep, only to be plagued by a new one.

"Feeling better?" ZaiWin asked, taking the empty bowl from his hands, and Snow nodded.

After placing the tray and the empty bowl on the floor at their feet, ZaiWin pulled the covers back and patted the mattress.

"Back to sleep, then. You still need to rest."

Snow finally raised his head to look at him, but the first gaze he gave ZaiWin was one of pure fear.

"Do you want to sleep on the floor?" ZaiWin asked, trying to give meaning to that alarmed expression, but Snow quickly shook his head.

The place wasn't the problem! He simply didn't want to sleep! Period!

ZaiWin held Snow's hand and tried to pull him closer, but Snow immediately resisted his strength.

"You can't simply stay awake for the rest of the night."

Snow shook his head again and ZaiWin pulled him with a bit more strength, making him practically fall against his chest. Quickly wrapping his arms around him before he could escape, ZaiWin took a deep breath and waited until Snow's initial struggle subsided.

"You'll be fine. I promise. I'll stay right here, by your side. And I won't let you have any more bad dreams."

Snow blinked, his head basically half-smashed against ZaiWin's chest. How could he possibly promise something like that? And yet he always felt strangely comfortable, when wrapped in that warmth. Not to mention that nostalgic scent, Snow now knew emanated from his skin. And yes, he still felt tired.

"Can we go to sleep?"

Snow nodded reluctantly, and ZaiWin finally released him, helping him to bed as if he really were a helpless child. Once Snow was finally laying down, ZaiWin too, laid down beside him, so close that he could easily hold him.

Since he still felt a bit ashamed, Snow couldn't muster enough courage to complain or even tell him off, when ZaiWin pulled him closer, forcing him to use his arm as a pillow. They were lying so close now that Snow could clearly feel the warmth of the body glued to his.

Turning his head, ZaiWin planted a kiss on Snow's forehead and closed his eyes.

"Just try and go to sleep," ZaiWin told him in a mumbled voice and went completely silent, his breathing light, almost unnoticeable.

Snow raised his head to look at him. He really looked as if he'd fallen asleep. But the warm hand resting on his head kept gently playing with his hair.

Nestling his head on ZaiWin's shoulder, Snow took a deep breath and closed his eyes as well. ZaiWin would probably remain awake until he fell asleep. Snow still had no intention to do so but, like ZaiWin, he could always pretend. Still, the warmth of that embrace, added to how tired he felt, eventually ended up getting the best of him.

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Poor Snow. 😢 That talk really brought up some very bad memories 😢😢😢