Divine Miracle Dung

"Heavy load? That-That's not it. It's hard to explain but I need to confirm something. I'll return later," said Tian Cai, running off.

Mu Huizhong's eyes followed Tian Cai inquisitively.

Master is probably hiding the fact he has a big one to relieve.

Turning about she smirked.

Master, what doesn't this maid not know about you?

HA! I know I'm correct. Once I see, Grandfather's courtyard, then I'll be sure.

Thinking this, Tian Cai thundered out of his courtyard. Within a breath, he entered Zhao Chen's courtyard. He gasped, his eyes popping out

It's a jungle!

Indeed, the interior of his Grandfather's courtyard was teaming with thick vegetation. Flowers the size of saplings were sprouting everywhere. Stalks of grass extended almost to the height of the walls.

With a ruffle, a huge bee buzzed out from the heavy foliage.

Tian Cai hissed, it was the size of a fat owl. Finding the nearest flower, the bee started the act of pollination. Falling to one knee, Tian Cai grabbed a clump of dirt. Maniacally, he started cackling and held the dirt like it was the greatest treasure in the universe.

At this time, Zhao Chen appeared. Seeing Tian Cai's looney laughter, he gasped in horror.

That foul beast must've gotten him too! It-It caused him to be insane.

Zhao Chen roared, "Foul Beast, I'll kill you!!!!"

Startled, Tian Cai looked up.

Are we under attack!?

Before he could even move, Zhao Chen zipped over. His face distorted with worry, Zhao Chen hoisted Tian Cai into air. "Cai'er! What did that vile Nether Hell Beast King do to you!?"

Tian Cai chuckled, "Grandfather, I thought you were the one being attacked."

"Then just now, what was with your abnormal behavior?"

Holding up the dirt, Tian Cai said, "Grandfather, it's gold!"

Zhao Chen gave him a strange look.

"Cai'er, you know Grandfather loves you. But this has to be said. You realize you're holding a clump of old, dried Nether Hell Beast dung?"

"Gold! It's Gold!" chortled Tian Cai.

Zhao Chen was gobsmacked.

What's wrong with this child!?

"Father! Nephew, there you are!" said Zhao Qiang, walking into the courtyard. Jolting in surprise, he wasn't quite sure what he was seeing.

"Father, you-you..." he started saying, pointing at Zhao Chen.

Seeing his Uncle's gesture, Tian Cai took a deep look at Zhao Chen. Gasping he said, "Grandfather, you know grandson loves you best. However, it must be said...whatever you do don't look in the mirror."

Zhao Qiang nodded in agreement.

Tian Cai, squiggled out of his grandfather's grasp. Straightening his robes, he bowed deeply to Zhao Qiang.

"Uncle, Nephew greets you."

Zhao Chen, looked at the both of them. "Tell me what's wrong! Am I not a grown man! A mighty Martial King?"

Zhao Qiang nodded and patted Tian Cai's head. "Nephew, its good...its Good to finally meet you. Let-Let me be the one to tell him."

"Mhm."

"Father, Qiang'er loves you greatly, but you should know, you-you can no longer go out in public. You-You are an abomination...Father you look like a freak."

"Eh? What do the two of you mean by this?"

Tian Cai sighed, "Grandfather, if you recall, I pointed out the possible effects of the sh*t-er-dung. Look around at all the teaming vegetation? When have you seen such a large bee? This dung miraculously grows things. However with humans, looking at you, it grows back hair and reverses aging."

"What's wrong with that! I should be the most handsome chap in Savant City."

"That's not the problem Grandfather. The issue is that different parts of your body were exposed, and the effect..."

"Father, your body looks like a checkered patchwork. Parts have thick hair and younger skin, the other parts are your old self. Son can't describe it. Son doesn't know if there's a cure."

"Oh there's a cure," said Tian Cai.

"Lies!! I will not have both my son and grandson lie to me!!"

"Grandfather, then you should take a hard look in the mirror," said Tian Cai.

This?

Zhao Chen looked to Zhao Qiang. "Son, I trust you the most."

Zhao Qiang sighed, "Father, you-you should go take a look."

Zhao Chen flashed, disappearing into his manor.

Not even a breath later, his horrified screams filled the entire Zhao Clan Manor.

Outside, Zhao Qiang said, "Nephew, you said there's a cure?"

"Mhm…Grandfather already knows. However we need to do tests. We need a scientist."

"Scientist? Nephew what are you trying to say?"

"We need someone that's good at testing and creating potions."

"Ah-an alchemist, your saying we need an alchemist?"

"The sooner you can find a good one, the better. Nephew has a way to learn more about it. In fact, Nephew should hurry and inquire."

Tian Cai was about to leave when, Zhao Qiang said, "Nephew, of course helping Father is very important. However, before you go, Uncle needs an explanation. Why on earth did you send Miss Long to my courtyard."

Tian Cai eyes deepened. The vast depths of his gaze startled Zhao Qiang.

"Uncle, she's been following you for years has she not? Knowing our Zhao Clan, we don't leave loose ends. So there must've been a reason why you let her live. This of course is not my business. However, when I met her I knew within a short time she would die. Nephew couldn't bear to see a person who has nothing, die—moreover die believing no cared about her. You should settle the karma between you two, in a way that allows her to continue living."

Tian Cai left, leaving behind a stunned Zhao Qiang.

Gray, Small Shadow, we're going to the Ling Clan. The two who had been hidden in the shadows appeared to the right and left of Tian Cai.

"Little Brother, you have business at Ling Clan," asked Gray Shadow.

"Team 7, Go!"*1

Returning from the Ling Clan, Tian Cai now had a plan. Tian Cai was about to run to the main hall when Zhao Qiang entered the manor followed by an Old Man carrying a toddler.

Curious, Tian Cai asked, "Uncle, what this?"

"Nephew, its good you're. I invited Alchemist Gu over. That there in his arms is his grandson."

"Uncle, you already found an alchemist?"

"What's more important than resolving Father's issues? As his son, its my duty to help him."

"Alchemist Gu, Zhao Tian Cai greets you," said Tian Cai cupping his hands.

"Small Disaster—uh Young Master Zhao, its-its an honor to meet you. I beg of you, this Old man will refine whatever pill you require...please..please spare my grandson."

Tian Cai's eyes widened in surprise as he noticed Alchemist Gu's trembling knees.

He's really afraid!

Tian Cai eyes narrowed as he said, "Uncle, you-you threatened him?"

Zhao Qiang glared at Alchemist Gu.

Go ahead, just say one single word.

Groaning, he hurried over to Alchemist Gu. "Senior Gu its a misunderstanding. Our Zhao Clan desperately needs the expertise of an alchemist. We're willing to pay double your fees."

"Nephew, how do you expect to pay? Our clan can't afford to pay for his services."

Tian Cai cleared his throat. "Earlier, I received a betrothal gift...Nephew has already settled the 100 million Spirit Stone bill with the City Lord."

Zhao Qiang hissed, "Just-Just how much did you receive?"

Waving his Uncle over, Tian Cai whispered the number.

Zhao Qiang chortled heartily with bright eyes. "Ha! Now I can upgrade all my weapons...I'll sweep the City of all it's Martial Kings. Zhao Clan's glory shall fill the heavens."

Tian Cai smirked.

Let's see how you get Mother to pay for all that.

Alchemist Gu said, "Young Master Zhao, you really will pay double my fee?"

Nodding, Tian Cai said, "We can sign a contract. However, you have to understand, we'll require absolute secrecy on pain of death. In addition you will have to reside here. Should you do this, we'll provide half the fee in advance. What say you?"

"Young Master, these conditions do sound amiable. However, my son is doing three months penance in the City Mine. As the only remaining relative, I cannot leave my Grandson alone."

"Whose, your son?"

"Mercenary Martial King Gu Jin,"

"Gu Jin? I defeated him last year in a duel in the Greater Forest."

Alchemist Gu grimaced, "Indeed he remembers that defeat to this day."

Tian Cai's eyes constricted.

Gu Jin! He's one of the three who raised a ruckus earlier and was arrested. Didn't Gray Shadow say those three would still have accidents later? And that's his son?

Trying to remain calm, Tian Cai had one eye looking towards the direction of his courtyard while he smiled to Alchemist Gu.

"Senior Gu, how about this? Zhao Clan will settle Gu Jin's sentence and hire him as a clan guard. In addition, will assign you a large courtyard for your family to reside in. Gu Jin will no longer be required to work as a mercenary."

"You-You really will free my son?"

Tian Cai chortled, "You misunderstand how greatly our Zhao Clan requires your services. As soon as you sign the contract and we settle you down, then we can discuss the details. Now, what say you?"

"Gu Weizhe, you hear that? Your father will soon be released," said Alchemist Gu. Wiping moist tears, he said, "Young Master, let's go ahead and sign the contract."

Tian Cai grabbed a servant. "Take our honorable guest to an available courtyard. Make sure they are well fed. Alchemist Gu, please rest for now. Later, I'll have the contract drawn and then bring it over to sign."

"Thank you...Thank you, Young Master!" said, Alchemist Gu bowing deeply.

Zhao Qiang peered down at Tian Cai with an arched eyebrow. "Nephew, this? What's the need to spend so much on them? Are you making empty promises and planning to kill him later?"

"It's not like that. After he helps cure, Grandfather, I have other invaluable work he must perform. Forgive me Uncle...Just now, nephew was on his way to discuss things with Mother."

"Ah beloved Nephew before you go. Uncle must ask if he can borrow some Spirit Stones."

Smirking, Tian Cai said, "Dearest Uncle, if you were a parent would you let a 5 year old manage money? Mother long ago took my bank card."

Zhao Qiang's face blackened.

Tian Cai entered the main hall where he found Zhao Wen and Zhao Jia conferring.

"Mother! Granny!" he said.

"Cai'er you're awake! Come over and let Mother inspect you," said Zhao Wen.

Unlike his concerned Mother, Zhao Jia was aloof. Narrowing her eyes, she said, "You and your uncouth mouth child. Where your mother will never discipline you….Humph! This Granny surely will."

Swoosh!

Tian Cai zipped over and hugged Zhao Jia's waist. "Granny, grandson loves you best."

"You think sweet words will allow you to escape punishment!? As soon as your wife repairs the formations on the Heavenly Punishing Wall, you know what's coming.

"Granny, Grandson willingly will accept punishment. However, shouldn't you ask why I was yelling profanities?"

"This?"

"Okay then, out with it. What's the reason," asked Zhao Jia with narrowing eyes.

Tian Cai proceeded to explain, "Granny, it's like this..."

When Zhao Jia learned how the challengers cursed Zhao Qiang and Tian Cai, her eyes were twitching with unbearable killing intent. With the veins popping out of her forehead, Zhao Jia started heading out the door.

"Grandmother, where are you going?" asked Zhao Wen.

"People need to re-learn what it means to burn like a tree," she snorted.

Sighing, "Grandmother do you have a list of names? Do you even know who to kill?"

"This? Cai'er you escort Granny and point the culprits out to me."

"Granny, Tian Cai knows you love him best. However, grandson has something important to discuss. There-There may be away for us to learn an unlimited amount of money."

Both Zhao Jia and Zhao Wen's eyes constricted and somehow they had surrounded Tian Cai within an instant.

"Do tell son, tell mother everything," said Zhao Wen

"Cai'er it's your filial duty to reveal such means for the betterment of the Clan. Anything that contributes to the buying of more wine-er-er-helps the clan grow is important."

Smirking, Tian Cai brought out a clump of dirt and started cackling uncontrollably. "This-This is gold!!! Divine Miracle Dung."

"Son, did you just say Divine Sh*t?"

"Humph! Cai'er you can't get Granny's hopes up. If it looks like dung, is it not only Dung? Mhm!?"

Both looked at Tian Cai as though he'd lost more than a few marbles.

"Granny, Mom...let me show you something." Tian Cai led them to Zhao Chen's courtyard.

"Son, all this vegetation?"

"Who dares plant a jungle in our Zhao Clan without permission?" asked Zhao Jia.

"All, this is due to the growth power of this dung. In fact, this is not it's true power." Stepping forward, Tian Cai said, "Grandfather! Grandson has come to visit."

Zhao Chen swooped out of his manor. Excitedly, he reached Tian Cai and said, "Cai'er tell Grandfather you found the cure!!"

As he appeared, both Zhao Jia and Zhao Wen stepped back in shock.

Zhao Jia took out her ruler and the blue-white incandescent flame erupted. "Chen'er Mother is sorry. For you to suffer this way...these attacks from the Nether Hell King beast have disfigured your body. So much so, Mother cannot recognize you. Let Mother end your misery."

Raising the ruler she was about to strike when, Tian Cai stayed her. "Granny, take a deeper look. Doesn't Grandfather have more hair than normal? On some parts, doesn't it look like his skin is smoother."

Zhao Wen gasped, stepping forward to take a second look at her father. "Cai'er what exactly are you saying?"

With a smirk, Tian Cai said, "This is the Divine part of the Dung. On humans, it grows back hair. The miracle part is the urine intermingled with the dung. It reverses aging. Grandfather appears like a walking abomination because he was exposed at varying points and times."

Putting away her ruler, Zhao Jia said, "You-You can't be suggesting that if one applies this miracle dung..."

"Theoretically if a bald person applies it uniformly, they will grow back their hair. If applied to an old person, they will reverse age to a middle-aged person."

Shaking her head, Zhao Wen said, "Impossible! Who in their right mind would apply this to themselves?" She shuddered, unable to think of it.

"Cai'er if I bathed in this-this all day??" asked Zhao Chen

"Mom, you're correct that people would be highly reluctant. But, what if we were able to extract all the benefits, mix it with some perfumes, and then refine a tonic? What would people do then? Wouldn't a desperate person desire to purchase this nice-smelling tonic at all costs?"

"Cai'er, answer Grandfather."

"Probably, but it may not be the most reliable method," replied Tian Cai.

"What do you mean by this?" asked Zhao Chen.

Zhao Wen interjected at this point. "Father, think about it. We are just now learning its effects. If we use it the wrong way??"

If Father ends up worse than this? Will I have to disavow my own father?

"Indeed Chen'er the you now can no longer show himself in public. You want to try a cure without being sure of the outcome?" said Zhao Jia.

Will I have to disavow my own son?

"Granny, Grandfather, Mom….Tian Cai has already thought of a plan. Just now, Uncle Qiang invited an alchemist to our clan. With his help we can test the Divine Miracle Dung. In this way, we can determine the best method to cure Grandfather. Moreover, we can develop one or more products to sell. Imagine the potential profits...wouldn't people come even from the Ninth Heaven to purchase our one and only product."

Hearing the word sell, Zhao Jia's and Zhao Wen's eyes burned red with greed.

"Cai'er we-we would be able to repay all the family debt!" exclaimed Zhao Wen.

Zhao Jia chortled, "Wine! I'll buy all the best wines in every heaven!!"

Everyone gave Zhao Jia a strange look.