Judgment

Her life seemed to go by in phases that always repeated themselves.

"You passed your exam, but you didn't write your name on it. We can't let give you the passing grade - it's part of the school's rules," her teacher said, looking at her in pity.

"I'm in love with Wang Xiaoming," stammered the school hunk she'd long admired, a powdery pink flush in his chiseled cheeks. "He's just the best man I've ever met and I think that I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I'm sorry... uh, what's your name again?"

"By the gods, Tong Mei -- how did you get chicken pox on school picture day?"

"I'm sorry, Miss, it seems that our salmon was somehow contaminated in storage and you were the only one who ordered it tonight. We will of course reimburse you for any gastrointestinal issues you may encounter," the waiter apologized, handing her a voucher for a free meal. "Luckily, we caught you before you finished your sushi, hmm?"

Ah, luck.

Luck - or rather, her lack of it - was the root of all the problems in her short lifetime.

Even that last moment at that restaurant that she could never go back to again (after destroying their public bathroom stall with her suffering), Tong Mei had already eaten three separate plates of salmon rolls before she was told that they were contaminated. She was barely scraping by in school, not because of her lack of intelligence, but because she was always late to or missing her exams, not writing her name on her exam, or taking the wrong exam entirely. Her love life was just as pitiful, as her gaydar failed to register that the school prince Tang Qiang was in fact homosexual. And she couldn't even blame him for not recognizing her; she wasn't even in the school yearbook half the time and the times she did show up, she had a nasty hormonal breakout or terrible sunburn all across her face.

Tong Mei just could not understand why it felt like she had outlived her quota of misfortune a hundred times over.

Hell, everyone - including her FAMILY - called her "Dao Mei" instead! Dao Mei this, Dao Mei that! Weren't they cursing her even more by basically calling her Misfortune??

Despite all of this, however, Tong Mei tried her best to never succumb to the pressures of being the unluckiest person ever. She furiously pumped herself up with fight songs and happy thoughts, even reading self-help books and doing yoga to calm herself. She stayed away from depressants like alcohol. As soon as a negative thought entered her mind, she would shake her head violently and think about cute puppies and K-Pop stars instead. She worked hard to make up for all the shortcomings she had to face as an unlucky person.

Maybe, she sometimes thought to herself, maybe I'm just imagining that I'm unlucky! I have many things that I should be grateful for, after all! A loving family, a safe home, steady education, access to Harry Potter and her new favorite character, Fred Weasley!

But self-delusions could only bring Tong Mei so far.

The last straw finally came when Tong Mei found herself handcuffed to a chair and forced to sit next to a stern looking officer who read out her rights in a disinterested tone.

"Tong Mei, you are hereby sentenced to 55 years imprisonment for three charges of negligent homicide..."

"What?"

A strong tug pulled her away from her alarmed confusion. The stern police officer glared at her for daring to interrupt the judge's final verdict.

"... and public indecency. You will be taken to your new quarters within the hour by Officer Zhang here..."

NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE???

Well, Tong Mei absentmindedly mused, that might be possible with her unluckiness. But...

PUBLIC INDECENCY?????

She did not recall ever having the confidence or courage to expose herself in the very least. Tong Mei liked turtlenecks because the one time she decided to take the plunge and wear a V-neck blouse, cold yet spicy soy sauce had gone down her cleavage. She also preferred baggy jeans because her attempts at wearing more form-fitting jeans had ended numerous crotch or ass splits. Wardrobe malfunctions were for the norm for her, and if she wasn't paying attention, they could really be awfully humiliating. Tong Mei couldn't even remark on skirts without looking away in shame!

"W-wait!" she cried out, wondering if this were all some insane dream.

The judge, who was about to bang his gavel to end the trial, paused. "Do you contest your sentence?"

"I do! I don't recall any of this stuff," Tong Mei replied. "What do you mean negligent homicide... and indecent e-e-e-exposure?"

"Were you not crossing the road between Hengshan Park and Chengwen Square at 4:00PM, on the 25th of October?"

Tong Mei squinted. Yes, that's a familiar place. She often shopped at Chengwen Mall, which was located by that square.

"Witnesses have said you were crossing the street before you pulled your skirt above your waist and allowed everyone to see your -"

"WHAT???"

The grumpy cop beside her subtly kicked her chair.

"Yes. And then, because of your intentional exposure of yourself, a chain of vehicles began to collide with each other at the intersection. You have thus caused the deaths and injuries with your negligence."

That was when Tong Mei's memory sparked up.

It was a Saturday afternoon, quite warm for an October day, and she'd decided to act on her secret desire to wear skirts by trying on and purchasing a long, flowing one from her favorite shop. It reached her ankles, which she was very comfortable with, especially knowing her history of upturned skirts and split miniskirts. She made sure to wear tights beneath it just in case.

As she walked home while listening to music on her earphones, Tong Mei had walked over a particularly blowy sewer grate and her misfortune struck again —

Her flowing skirt puffed and mushroomed above her waist violently, blocking her vision as it ballooned upwards around her. She was basically walking around in an inverted parachute.

That day, Tong Mei had just decided to swallow the humiliation and hope no one else noticed, upping the volume of her music to block out her trauma. She had tried to placate herself by reminding that she was wearing tights anyway.

What was totally forgotten by her, however, was that her tights were indeed a sheer nude colored hose.

Spluttering, Tong Mei attempted to defend herself. "I didn't mean it!! I was just... I just wanted to wear a skirt!"

Both the judge and the officer looked at her disdainfully. "Hence, the negligence indicated in your charges, Miss Tong."

There was no room for argument, not when all the witnesses and jurors were leaving the courtroom. Tong Mei was stunned at her predicament.

"Now, if you please," cut in the officer impatiently. "You are not the only person I have to escort today, you know?"

Fearing that her resistance would further complicate matters, Tong Mei allowed herself to be handcuffed and brought out of the courtroom. As things had already gotten this drastic, she couldn't be certain that trying to reason with them or freeing herself would worsen the circumstances. She could almost see herself getting body-slammed for resisting or accused of some other bizarre crime she had no intention of committing.

Oof, public indecency -- why couldn't they have chosen something she was more likely to have done, like vandalism or petty theft?

"Fine," she accepted. "But I get a phone call, don't I? Have you called my family?"

The judge frowned. "I did, but you've angered some people you shouldn't have, Miss Tong. 55 years is nothing compared to what they believe you've done. Be grateful there's only five and a half decades and not any more. You're safer in prison than you are out here."

...

Alas, he was wrong.