Shopping 2

The bus is stopping next to my school. Who would you expect to be the first one to come out? Shen Shenmi, am I right? And yes, she's the first one to run out the bus.

"Hi Kuai Kaiwen!", she's shouting across the schoolyard, while coming up to me and hug me tight (Her daily greeting).

"And? Are you done cleaning?", Mei Mian asks very excited while more or less jumping up and down.

"No, not really, but I think I can manage the rest tomorrow!"

"Yeeeeeeees!", Shen Shenmi shouts again (I'm sure there's no one who hasn't heard that, but never mind, right?)

"Yeah, I really am excited myself!", I confess. It feels so normal. I never thought I could be normal again. So much happened and I know that all will leave its scars on me psychically and emotionally, but that I could laugh again and be excited to go shopping with my friends, or to even have friends... I would never have thought this could be possible again.

___

"Kuai Kaiwen! We're finally going shopping! Hah, I'm so happy right now!", Shen Shenmi screams in joy and excitement while we're waiting for Mei Mian, but we can't really call that waiting, it were only about 5 minutes.

"Me as well.", I smile at her shyly. They bring out a side of me I didn't know was existing inside of me. But I guess these are the things who come with having friendships.

After Mei Mian finally arrives we make our way to she small shops in our village. But is it really still my village? I live in a big town by now, so is it still my village? I have to decide, what will I call home, what will I call my real life? Who would be my best friends? I am ripping myself apart with this new lifestyle I have. It's burning inside me and I feel like a war is going on in my brain, but I can't control it.

I feel like I don't know myself anymore, whenever I'm with the guys I feel like I'm one myself, but while I'm with the girls I am a girl. It is so complicated! I can't decide, but my mind wants it to be decided, or else I'm never able to rest when I'm alone with myself, because I'm thinking that all through. And it all ends up without any decision.

"Kuai Kaiwen, look at that top! Doesn't it look awesome?", Shen Shenmi asks.

"Yeah, it totally does! I'm buying it as well we could go in partner look! Do you want one as well, Kuai Kaiwen?"

Shen Shenmi and Mei Mian start a conversation and I soon realise I was out thinking about something again.

"Yeah, thanks! It really looks nice, I'll take it as well.", I tell them and we continue speaking and making jokes for hours. They are buying something here and there but I get around buying nothing more, I tell them I have to save money. And that's no lie, but it isn't the reason why I don't buy anything, the real reason is, I can't walk around in girls clothes in my free time.

"Is something the matter?", Mei Mian asks while looking straight in my face.

"Uh, no.", I tell her.

"I know there is something bothering you! I'm not forcing you to tell us, but know one thing: we will listen if you want to tell someone about your problems, and we won't lough at you, even if we don't understand your problem. We are not in the same situation as you, so that we have to care about everything by ourselves, so we may not understand everything, but we will try to, and help you.", she replies softly.

"Yeah, because you are our best friend!", Shen Shenmi agrees.

"Thanks you two!", I tell them while starting to cry and they both hug me in a tight and friendly group-hug.

They are great friends, and I love them both really much. I really want to tell them now. I want to tell them everything, but I can't. It's forbidden. Xiang Xia did. So now I'm hanging here in the arms of my friends and I cand talk to them. It's just hurting to have to lie to such good people, who would never do such a thing. Maybe I should still call that my real self.

___

Somebody's laying its hand over my shoulders: "And what were you doing today?"

I land a pretty hard round-house-kick in it's stomach before even looking at who it is.

"Ah, you're cruel, that hurts pretty much!", it whimmers.

That's when I look to see I just kicked Rocco: "Oh, Rocco, I'm really sorry!" I reach my hand out for him to take it, but he just takes me to the ground as well, as he stands up.

"Hah, now I'm the one standing. Wanna stand up?"

I laugh and get up by myself as I see more shadows creeping around and I tense up.

"It's just us!", Bency whispers, "Why are you so terrified of shadows?"

"It's a long and hurtful story, I don't want you to hear about something like that. It's really bad. We can talk about something different, can't we?", I ask and Horiacio just has a joke to light the mood up. And it works. After some time I feel everyone relaxing and we make our way back home.

___

After Samuel closed the door Xiang Xia rushes down the stairs to us: "At least you guys are here!"

"What's up? Calm down!", Bency asks curious (I'm as well).

One moment! She came down the stairs! In my 5 days of being here I never recognised them! I never knew that here are stairs! What the heck?

"I", she huffs out of breath, "I have finally sent the letter!"

"What letter?", I ask her, because I really badly want to know since she is that excited about it.

"The registration!", she shouts, "If they write back we can start your career!"