A Gift to Ridicule Me

*WARNING: Themes of anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder are included in this chapter!

"Oh, I know you didn't want me to talk about it, so I won't mention it. I deeply apologize, my lady," Teresa told me as she gave me a slightly angled curtsy.

Seeing her head tilted down as she parted her skirt at each side with her hands so elegantly made me feel guilty. Her usual tight bun was loose today, and it bobbed forward when she dipped.

The difference between maids from the Victorian era on Earth and maids from Whitensen is that maids in the Victorian era wear caps to cover their heads. However, in Whitensen, all of the female servants wear their hair in simple hairstyles, mostly to accommodate their demanding chores.

I had overheard that Viktoria's maids were given ornaments to wear upon their updos. In actuality, the majority of upper-class Whitensen decorate their personal servants as if they were nobles as well. Some households parade around with ladies that were so beautifully done up that they were mistaken as the nobles of that household. Sometimes maids wore decor as a trademark for a certain household. It was only the maids of the Carabell Estate that lacked such luxurious gifts from the family in waiting.

I quickly followed her apology with a series of passionate no's. "You can tell me, Teresa. Also, you don't have to keep curtsying to me." I tried to appear as sincere as possible, and in doing so, the smile I displayed only made Teresa visibly uncomfortable. It was as if it were contagious because immediately, I couldn't help but feel suffocated.

It didn't help that I was still wearing the same dress I wore from earlier. The corset strings had slackened throughout the day. However, I have an inkling of suspicion that Teresa may have intentionally done that. This morning, when she was weaving the strings through the grommets, she did it a bit more relaxed.

Teresa struggled to comprehend how uncomfortable and uneasy I become when she is lowering her head to show not only respect but inferiority. For, in this world, being superior is all that had mattered for Elisabeth. "I see…" she finally muttered, rising from her curtsy carefully.

Although I told her she could tell me what had happened before, she seemed to be evading the topic.

Ah, Elisabeth, if only you weren't such a vulgar character towards others around you. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with everyone doubting me so much.

The thought suddenly overtook my mind in a trench of unexpected realization.

Doubt. How absurd. I have never seen people discredit me and my capabilities so much within a week. I never thought I would be belittled and criticized as if I were some poor target waiting to be shot at.

I meandered my way away from these blurbs of awareness that kept on reminding me about how cruel people have become to me thanks to this identity I have stolen.

I had vainly wished, and I have received it. I received wealth at the cost of my sanity. Who would've known that it could be achievable to give off such a drastic impression on others and have them react to you so negatively?

I squeezed the comforter with my fists and demanded, "Teresa, tell me what happened." Her face became pale. "Why are you acting like this?"

She diverted her eye contact. "My Lady, I would rather not have this discussion."

"Why? Why does it seem like you're always hiding something from me? What are you hiding?" I questioned her, refusing to let the topic die down.

My continued prodding began to stress her, for her expression was pained, and her hands began to tremble.

"Teresa⎯"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she shouted, breathing heavily.

She started hyperventilating, clutching her chest. Without letting me assist her, she pulled out a small glass bottle filled with white pills. I watched as she struggled to open it, and dryly swallowed one of them. The room filled with dense air, and the guilt kept nagging at me, telling me I shouldn't have pushed her to her breaking point.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, reaching my arms to wrap around her. Almost on instinct, she jerked away. "Ah."

I let her take a few moments to ease her mind without trying to comfort her. For some reason, she was fearful of me. It wasn't like this the last time she had a breakdown.

I didn't push the topic any further. I couldn't possibly be cruel enough to do such a thing when a person is traumatized by it.

- Sunday, the next day at dawn. -

"My Lady, you must prepare for the academy debutante ball!" I blinked wearily in silence as my right-hand maid rushed to part the curtains and let the sunlight drift in.

Had the Teresa I met on Day One returned?

"I have been given the authority by the duke to scold you whenever you forget. I have brought a basin of water. I will briefly pat down your face with the damp towel." I didn't notice when I first awoke, but on my bedside table, there was a metal bowl filled midway with clear water. Teresa rushed to dab my face. "And..." Her words dragged on. Her face was overflowing with glee. It seemed she wanted to jump in merriment from the news she was going to deliver. "The duke has allowed you to eat a proper breakfast with him today." The last sentence caught the words in my throat.

The duke is allowing me to eat a proper breakfast with him?

"What? Really? Why?" I asked. It couldn't be possible that Duke Carabell has become more lenient with Elisabeth. There was no way there wasn't something ominous about this.

The first couple of days were unpredictable: one moment, he would ignore me, and the next, he would rant about my incapabilities and shortcomings. It's not that he had much to inform me. I had swiftly learned to adapt since the first day at the academy. On the other hand, it was a pain in the ass. There was no reason anyone had to learn all these random manners and outrageous rules.

It was useless information...says me, the person who had burned alive into a world where her technological intelligence is utterly worthless.

Eventually, the duke had grown to leave me alone for the remainder of the week. I haven't had a single exchange of words with him since, and I'd rather keep it that way. Without realizing it, it seemed I hadn't seen Duchess Carabell since my first day in this world too. It's as if she's some phantom, appearing here and there, but never in my line of sight.

"No, I shouldn't go eat with him," I told her, and I could've sworn her expression turned sour, almost instantaneously. "I shouldn't. I am supposed to be atoning for what I've done. Besides, I can't eat anything more than a morsel before I go to such a valuable event. It is Whitensen noble courtesy, isn't that right?"

At this point, I was just making excuses not to come face to face with Elisabeth's father.

Teresa stopped dabbing my face and placed the towel down. "My Lady, I thought you would be happy about this. This is the first time the duke has requested you to eat at the dining table." I didn't know what to say, so I stared forward in bitter silence. "Forgive me, I have overstepped my boundaries."

I shook my head and shifted my legs to the side of my bed. I let the plush carpet touch my feet before deciding to say something in response.

"Don't you think the duke is trying to stuff me up to feed a lion?" I questioned her.

My maid dropped her arms to her sides. "Excuse me, my lady?"

"Nothing. I just feel like...like there's something I'm forgetting," I said, combing back my messy hair. "I'll go get myself some fruits to eat. You people have strawberries, right?"

"Why yes, but I thought you hated strawberries. My Lady, wait! I cannot allow you to go into the kitchen pantry!" I paused in my footsteps and let my shoulders droop. "You're still wearing your nightgown, and not even the duke enters the kitchen. It's taboo!"

A few minutes had elapsed, and Teresa rushed back with a tray of plump red strawberries. I let my lips be tinted with its juice as I indulged in its sweetness. Teresa didn't wait and watch me eat, instead, she dove through my ginormous room of glamorous gowns, polished shoes, assortments of ribbons, and glittering jewels. Rarely did I ever go in there, and the idea of being lost in one's own room is ridiculous.

"Teresa, don't you think we should get rid of the excessive amount of dresses I have?" As soon as I proposed this, Teresa popped right out of the grand room, her eyes starting to pool with tears.

"Get rid of? My Lady, how could you suggest such a thing? These dresses are prepared for every single event you attend. There's an outfit arranged for when King Therin chose his heir last year, another for the crown prince's coronation, and a variety for different tea parties. You can never be caught with the same dress twice!" she flusteredly exclaimed.

"Ha, then I assume there's a dress for when we have the afterparty for my wedding with Prince Caydel?" I asked on a whim, sucking the strawberry's juice from my hand.

Teresa disappeared into the room for a brief moment and extracted an extravagant pearled dress that looked remarkably heavy. There were layers upon layers of fabric, and the pearls, varying in shape and color, were unsightly. "Here it is, my lady! Your favorite dress."

"Discard it," I stated almost instantly. She protectively clutched the dress. "Ah, right. Better yet. Sell it."

We exchanged some banter after I strode into the room and started tossing out the horrendously expensive and hideous gowns. I reasoned that they won't go to waste as money in my pocket.

Just then, I laid my eyes on an unbelievably stunning work of art. My breath was taken away by its magnificence.

There were countless layers of sparkling lilac tulle, building into a perfectly shaped and voluminous skirt. The hemline stretched to the floor with charm. At the back was a corset weaved collectively with a silky sheen ribbon. A lighter shade of purple floral lace embellishments decorated the chest area and the hem, making for lovely decor. It was sleeveless, unlike the traditional off-the-shoulder or long-sleeved gowns that Whitensen noble ladies liked to wear. The overall presentation was a gorgeous silhouette of grace and elegance.

"My Lady! I apologize! I couldn't bring myself to throw this dress away! It was simply too enchanting. I was greedy, I know. I will remove this wretched thing from your sight immediately," Teresa reached out to take it, but I put my hand between her and the gown.

"This one," I blurted out. "I want to wear this one. It's absolutely beautiful! Why would you throw it away?" I questioned her.

"Well, I... It was given to you by his highness, the crown prince, to ridicule you," she explained, trying to reach for it once more. I placed myself smack in between her and the dress, unsatisfied by her answer.

I pressed further for more information. "Ridicule? How? It's stunning. How could it ridicule Eli⎯I mean, me?"

This time, Teresa furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief. "How does it ridicule you? My Lady, this dress was intended to be for Viktoria's birthday last year. I remember how furious you were when you learned he was giving it to her, so you demanded that he give the dress to you. Lady Lancaster adored purple dresses. It is not even your size. You hated the color purple. I admit that I did hide this from you. I didn't expect you would go into this room and rummage through the dresses yourself. You never went into this room before."

Wait, she adored purple dresses?

A memory of the day's previous events flashed through my mind. That strange recalling of Elisabeth's tea party with that little girl drinking tea. She wore a beautiful purple dress with floral ornaments. That dress looks uncannily familiar to this one.

Was that girl in my dream Viktoria Lancaster? It couldn't be, could it?

I bit my lip and asked, "What? Seriously?" I was entirely confused by the crown prince's actions. "It couldn't have been any gift to any other girl."

"Viktoria Lancaster and Prince Caydel have a history together, my lady. If it weren't for the arranged engagement with you, he would have gone to pursue Viktoria. This was his way of rejecting you without outright saying it."